pee_bee Reviews

Christmas Land (2015 TV Movie)

Painful

[2/10 · 19 December 2023]

Storylines in these sorts of movies are quite frequently questionable at best, but this one is worse than most.

If the people of the town thought Christmas Land was oh so important, why hadn't they bothered to open it up? Why did they let it fall into disrepair? I kept getting pissed off at them for how much they claimed to love it yet they didn't love it enough to actually do they work to run the thing. But then the heartwarming ending is they realise "oh yeah, we actually have money which could be used to keep Christmas Land open!" Come the hell on.

And come on, "Enjoy your apartment next to Central Park!" is the stupidest insult/upset line I've ever heard in one of these films.

Also the character of Gretchen has THE most annoying voice - I hope it was just for the character, and not the actresses actual voice because that would be genuinely unfortunate.

Skip this one, it's terrible.

Christmas Plus One (2022 TV Movie)

What a terrible storyline

[2/10 · 11 January 2023]

Not even sure where to start with this one. My goodness it is awful in the messages it sends.

Cara and her sister Amy both wish for true love one Christmas, the next year Amy is marrying her true love and Cara thinks she's met hers by chance - but then loses his number - and maybe he isn't the one. At a basic level this plot would be fine, but the way it is done in this movie left me feeling pretty gross.

One issue is how the two male characters of Chace and Michael are drawn. Chace, who is the chance-meeting-but-lost-the-number dream guy is incredibly charming from our first encounter with him and remains that way for the whole film. He really feels like the guy you should be rooting for to find the girl. Michael on the other hand, is an abrasive jerk at the start and is the cause for losing Chace's number. I understand the formula is the one of the romantic leads has to be in some way grumpy/rude/broken at the start so the magic of love/christmas/whatever can win them over, but given how 'perfect man' Chace is, Michael's character is not written well. And while he has about half the film being fine he never manages charming and in the last third goes all the way to manipulative.

The second issue is the actors. Corey Servier also has less chemistry with Emily Alatalo in the entire movie than Andrew Bushell manages with her in their three shared scenes, so who we're meant to root for and who actually seem to have a potential for love are completely different.

But the big problem that had me yelling at the screen while watching comes in the last third of the movie. Cara has been trying to find Chace and Chace has been trying to find Cara, and finally Chace leaves his number with Pete at the cafe they both go to (side note: Pete's a jerk). Pete, being a jerk, gives the number instead to Michael. Michael then does not give the number to Cara. When she and Chace finally run into each other at Pete's cafe and she finds out Michael had the number for several days but didn't tell her she is rightfully upset.

So Cara and Chace finally go on their date but she spends her time talking about her week with Michael because of course he's really her soulmate blah blah blah. Again, if there had been no lying and manipulation around Chace's number this storyline would be fine and a pretty standard storyline (I'd still critique the chemistry in the love triangle as being the wrong way round). But Michael did manipulate and lie to Cara, and gave a pretty gaslighty speech when she called him out on his lies. Yet they are the couple we're meant to root for, and Cara even apologises to him at the end?! Really?! Just yuck.

Christmas at Maple Creek (2020 TV Movie)

Sweet and fun when you overlook one issue

[7/10 · 8 January 2023]

Let's get one thing out of the way right at the start. The lead actress is too young for the character she plays and it is obvious, even though a minor character does comment on her being "younger than I expected" at one point.

With that said, I found this really enjoyable. As mentioned, Jeni Ross is young and looks it but she's a charming presence and avoids the overly perky style that seems to often be expected of female characters in these films. She and Jake Epstein have an easy chemistry, but Olivier Renaud's male model character is a bit lazily drawn (although entertaining if you watch with a glass or two of wine).

No spoilers on the story although once you've seen one you've seen them all. Lastly I want to address one of the other criticisms in a few reviews about there not being a lot of Christmas in the film. That's true, it's more Christmas-adjacent than Christmas focused, but who cares? And who cares that the film is 'too sunny' for a Christmas setting? Not everywhere is snowing and cold at Christmas anyway, so there being bright sunshine in this film shouldn't make a difference.

Overall, this film is very light but enjoyable, and while the lead actress is young for this role she showed promise. Hopefully she will get future roles that suit her a bit better.

Christmas in Washington (2021 TV Movie)

She'd be fired in one hour

[2/10 · 3 January 2023]

This is one of the most ridiculous films I've seen. It is even less realistic than Christmas films with actual ghosts and angels in them. I understand we're meant to suspend a lot of disbelief in schmaltzy Christmas films but seriously, the lead female character would never be hired by anyone ever, and particularly not in any sort of political/diplomatic job. People are not able to just wander around everywhere in an ambassadorial residence, and in no way would a hired contractor who's doing maybe two weeks' work would be given the run of even a single room without supervision. And the ambassador apparently doesn't do any actual diplomatic work? I get that might be too boring to be in any scene, but there's not even any reference to having meetings with officials even though he's a newly arrived ambassador.

I did like that there's pro environmental and sustainability messages and interests in both the Magnus and Emily, which feels downright revolutionary for these films. Still, everything else about it is just ridiculous. The bad guy developer is cartoonish yet hardly in the story, the horny mother is creepy as hell, and Arvind is, well, I don't really know what Arvind is.

And then it just...ends. It feels like the writers or actors - or both - just gave up and said screw it, let's go home. Honestly, I wish they'd done that at the start.

Doctor Who: Face the Raven (2015) Season 9, Episode 10

Less than the sum of its parts

[6/10 · 29 June 2021]

The story of this episode is great. Sadly, the episode itself is not.

The biggest problem is the character of Me/Ashildr. She was pretty interesting in her first episode, a bit annoying in the second, and actively terrible in this one. I haven't seen Maisie Williams in enough roles to judge her acting, but in this she is, well, not great.

By the time this episode takes place Me/Ashildr is around 1200 years old yet she's the dumbest whiny teen around. No growth in over a millennium, still pouty about the Doctor, still stupid enough to betray him like an idiot. It would be far better if they had introduced a monster of the week as antagonist for this episode, instead it seems the writers have simply decided that Williams being a well known name means she has to be in used as much as possible.

The trap street concept with a hidden world of various alien refugees is honestly a great one, and the Janus species who can see into peoples' past and futures would make a really fascinating story. Unfortunately these elements are just used as scaffolding for the purpose of the episode, which is Clara's death and the Doctor's capture. The chronolock death sentence and transferring it across is interesting, and Riggsy was a good character so nice to see him again. But the weakness of Me/Ashildr, and the fact the interesting parts of the story are mostly rushed over mean what could have been a great episode is only adequate.

Burnt (I) (2015)

Cooper's a prick and we're meant to like it?

[2/10 · 10 January 2021]

This film had a wonderful cast, most of whom are wasted being mouthy cliches. Maybe I'm just not posh enough or stuck up my own backside enough but I really struggle to see why I'm meant to be invested in a shouty jerk's journey to feeding ultra expensive plates to the posh. There is far too much cringeworthy dialogue about needing to be arrogant to work in my kitchen and food that makes you want to stop eating and blah blah blah. The scene where Bradley Cooper destroys and verbally abuses the entire kitchen before assaulting Sienna Miller is deeply uncomfortable on many levels. I don't understand how it's meant to be acceptable just because he's driven but has demons or whatever the excuse of the day is for men's behaviour. With all that is negative about the film it is beautifully shot. One of the stars is for that. The other is for Daniel Bruhl's Tony, the best performance and only really likeable character in the film.

Birdemic 2: The Resurrection (2013)

Half a bottle of wine was barely enough

[1/10 · 3 January 2021]

This movie is just under 80 minutes. I ran out of wine at 70 minutes and was tempted to raid the cupboard for more booze. I almost fell off the couch laughing at how awful this film was, and I'm now worried that if my neighbours heard me shriek/laughing they probably think I'm a creepy weirdo. This film is...something. The dialogue veers between stating the obvious monologues and sounding like it's been fed through Google translate 23 times, including through several dead languages. The birds are literal clipart. There are a couple of cavemen who appear a few times and then seem to be forgotten about. There is visible equipment or crew in more shots than not. And then the film just stops. There is no ending, things are going along and then there are credits. It is completely and utterly inexplicable why this got made. I loved every minute of this trash.

Santa Girl (2019)

Dumb, but the good sort of dumb

[6/10 · 27 December 2020]

This film is incredibly stupid and cheesy, yet I've watched it at least four times. There's a lot that's problematic in this storyline, even moreso than in other hallmark-type films (forcibly marrying off a barely legal teenager? Really?) but it is kinda appropriate for a Christmas fairytale film. Given it's clearly aimed at kids the acting is a bit pantomime, but you shouldn't be expecting the Royal Shakespeare Company. Three of the stars are exclusively for McKayla Witt as Pep - she she's perky and appealing for kids without driving adults up the wall.

The Goop Lab (2020– )

Gross garbage

[1/10 · 12 September 2020]

Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop commodifies the shaming of women. Her hot garbage is not empowering or informative, it is demeaning and insulting. Better health information can be gained from conversations with houseflies than is offered here.

Cook Off (2017)

Charming romcom

[7/10 · 7 June 2020]

I saw an article on The Guardian about the very first Zimbabwean film on Netflix. I like a bit of fluffy romcom from time to time, and it's Netflix that got me into them with the Christmas Prince films, so decided I'd give this one a go. This is a romcom, so complaining that it's relatively predictable misses the point. Of course it's predictable - right down to the main characters being cooks/chefs which is so common in these films! - but it's also charming. The actors who play Anesu and Prince have good chemistry, the son is sweet and the sassy best friend is a romcom standard but she's great. Of course it isn't perfect, and it's obviously been made on the smell of an oily rag. But within the limited budget it's done very well, and the fact they were able to use the actual set of the Zimbabwean cooking show they're competing on in the film was a definite bonus. Lastly there are a few subplots that aren't as fleshed out as the could be - the relationship between Anesu and her mum is strained for most of the movie and resolved without any real discussion, and the storyline with Milly Ann sort of just ends. An extra five minutes explaining these two elements would have lifted this film even more. Overall this is an enjoyable film. All the normal romcom tropes are here, but clearly done through a different lens to our Western primarily English-speaking film industries. If you like romcoms but want to see something other than the normal white faces in smalltown USA, this is worth your time.

Love Wedding Repeat (2020)

Less than the sum of its parts

[6/10 · 18 April 2020]

The performances are good, the storyline is clever, I don't regret watching it, but there was just something missing. I think the problem is the film can't decide if it's an awkward comedy or a sweet rom-com - it tries to be both, but doesn't quite manage either. It's still enjoyable, if just a little unsatisfying. Watch if you have a few hours to kill, aren't necessarily giving your full attention, but want something less twee than Hallmark.

A Christmas Kiss (2011 TV Movie)

cute enough

[6/10 · 27 December 2019]

First things first, America, you need better labour laws. There is no way it would be believable in any other country for an employee to be asked by their boss to go to their house and turn on lights and not immediately face a court case for unfair work practices. Second, billionaire boy wears a really bad suit - it looks like something left over from the costume department for Wall Street. Also nothing against the actor, but he looks more like the snobby guy who the heroine realises isn't right for her than the love of her life. The storyline is of course fairly questionable, but that's expected for these films. The boss is kind of monstrous, but Elizabeth Rohm does it very well without the scenery chewing common in these films. And because it's not made by Hallmark it's a bit less sanitised. The friends especially get to have more attitude and say more than anyone in a Hallmark film could say. Still schmaltz, but not lobotomised schmaltz. Overall, not bad for what it is.

Christmas Camp (2018 TV Movie)

Cute way to spend an evening

[6/10 · 3 November 2019]

Nothing mind blowing here, but a nice little film. The actors are pretty good (the lead male bears more than a passing resemblance to Edward Norton), although I'm not sure I really buy Haley as being get-ahead work focused as she's meant to be. She's sent to Christmas Camp for work, so of course she'll answer some phone calls and send emails! That said, I am glad that this is a Hallmark film where even though the action is mostly in a small town the big city careers aren't denigrated. Apparently you are allowed to have the Christmas spirit and also want to get ahead at work - as long as you remember what's important in life.

The Holiday Calendar (2018)

Cute but no chemistry

[6/10 · 9 November 2018]

It's a cheesy Netflix Christmas film so you know what the ending will be five minutes in. And that's fine for the most part - grandpa is wise but sharper and more knowing than people think, there's a comic relief friend who laments his lack of a love life, and the kindly town mayor gives our heroine the break she needs. Hell, even chisel-jawed perfect on paper but not the right guy grandson of Gregory Peck really only makes a safe error to show us that although he's nice he isn't the right guy. The problem is when the two main characters get together at the end there's nothing believable about the romance. As best friends their chemistry was excellent, but their kiss just seemed like two awkward strangers at a failed audition. Grandson Peck might not be the one, but I doubt the best friend would be if they were that lifeless.

Black Mirror: Metalhead (2017) Season 4, Episode 5

The uncertainty is the point

[8/10 · 31 December 2017]

Don't listen to the complainers here - this episode is worth watching. Like USS Callister it does feel different to most Black Mirror episodes, but that shouldn't be seen as a bad thing. The black and white cinematography is well suited to this episode which has a feeling reminiscent of The Road - both post-apocalyptic with no mention of what the 'apocalypse' was, both tightly focused on one or two characters. The episode isn't a neat package but again, this is Black Mirror we're talking about - expecting a clear lesson or meaning out of it is to misunderstand the point of the show. We don't know the details of what led to this apparently post-apocalyptic world, but that doesn't matter. That isn't the focus of the episode. Maxine Peake's almost solo performance as Bella is excellent, and what she was looking for or why is never really relevant. What is relevant is her fear and determination. We know nothing about her, but we feel the tension and desperation. While some episodes of Black Mirror feel like I only observe the characters, with Metalhead I was there with Bella in the desolate unknown countryside, invested in her plight.

Cleverman (2016–2017)

Complex, clever, lots of potential

[9/10 · 3 June 2016]

This is excellent storytelling. Cleverman brings Indigenous storytelling to the 21st Century, and seamlessly weaves it into an alternate present. It's the story of the exclusion of the Hairypeople, mutantesque people described by the government as 'subhuman' and condemned to live in 'the zone', separated from the rest of society.

One episode in so far and there's excellent shades of grey in both the story and characters. Neither of the two brothers at the centre of the story - Koen and Waruu - are simple good or bad guys. Both grew up in 'the zone' but are not Hairypeople themselves, and now live on the outside. Koen and his mate Blair make money trafficking Hairypeople out of the zone, and then make more when they report them to the authorities. Waruu on the other hand, works in the zone as a sort of community leader, but is also having an affair. When the young daughter of a family trafficked out of the zone by Koen and Blair is shot dead, the stage is set for both community outcry and conflict between the brothers.

There is a lot that is going on in terms of Indigenous myth, and Cleverman doesn't give the viewer a cheat sheet. You need to watch and listen and piece things together as you go along. But the reality is that it isn't difficult to do so. You don't need to know the specifics around language used by the hairies (it's Gumbaynggirr, spoken on the mid-north coast of NSW), the war club given to Koen by Uncle Jimmy (a nulla nulla or waddi) or even the fact that both the Cleverman and Hairypeople are specifically from Indigenous culture. Really, all sci-fi/fantasy/superhero genre fare has similar elements, but in this case those are taken from Indigenous story and history.

Ignore the few mindless low scores here. Those reviewers simply have short attention spans and cannot follow a show with nuance, thinking that Cleverman needs to have flashy explosions and telegraphed good and bad. This is a show that wants an intelligent viewer willing to invest their thought. If you are willing and have an attention span longer than 5 minutes, you will not be disappointed.