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Poor Things (2023)
Frankenstein meets Encino Man meets Forrest Gump, set in the world of Dishonored, by not Wes Anderson
This might be Yorgos Lanthimos' best movie yet and a weird masterpiece we did not know we needed.
Poor Things is on the surface a twist on the Frankenstein story, and contrary to my expectations does not focus on the resurrection aspect of the story. Rather, it is an entry in the well-worn "physically confined and mentally handicapped character goes forth into the dangerous world, and must explore and adapt" trope, and it is done extremely well. In a way it can also be seen as the portrait of an individual with extreme autism, who explores the challenges and absurdities of "polite society."
The movie is set in a steampunk, alternate-history version of 19th century Europe, which is to say it is 19th-century Europe with well-integrated black people and no racism. Everyhing is so stylized and presented with such an absurdist tone that unrealistic aspects or inconsistencies in the setting or the plot do not matter.
Perhaps the greatest strength of the movie is that it does not present its social and feminist messages in a phony, childish, obnoxious, on-the-nose manner unlike so many other films. The production, cinematography and the sets are amazing, all the actors are great and congratulations to everyone involved.
Kimitachi wa dô ikiru ka (2023)
A lesser Spirited Away, but still good (minor spoilers)
The Boy and the Heron, or How Do You Live as per its original name, is something of a weaker retread of Spirited Away and as such will both very much please Hayao Miyazaki fans whilst also leaving something to be desired.
First off, the movie's original name is much better because the English name makes it sound like a kids' movie (which was probabluly the intention) and implies a transformative relationship between a boy and a friendly heron character as the movie's central element, which is not the case at all.
The plot follows Spirited Away's main elements in that the main child character is swept away into a magical, fairy tale-like but also vaguely creepy and threatening world and has to grow and adapt while also relying on the help of otherworldly strangers to get out. The details of this world and its backstory are intentionally obfuscated. However, whereas Spirited Away offered a more or less complete backstory and plot structure with no holes if you paid attention to the details and everything fell into place, here many elements of the narrative make little sense and even contradict each other. Most significantly, many elements snd magical creatures show up briefly just for the sake of being there (and probably in order to be a part of the trailer) only to disappear without much explanation or point.
Despite all this, the visuals and the animation are gorgeous and there is a great world to get lost in, even if it doesn't make much sense. Studio Ghibli pulled out all the stops to create a truly beautiful ambiance. As such, The Boy and the Heron is probably best viewed as a "vibe movie" without worrying too much about the plot.
Switchback (1997)
A sad movie
I did not really want to rate this movie so low due to its acceptable first half, but I have to because the second half is a completely incomprehensible, horrible trainwreck. What starts off as a rather solid thriller with some intriguing twists and good actors totally folds in on itself and collapses into a frustrating, non-sensical mess. Far too reliant on plot devices, convenient coincidences, tangled twists and turns and plot threads that end up going nowhere.
As it is, I cannot rate this movie any higher, and perhaps even this rating is actually too high. However, it still gets a pass thanks to the relative strength of its first half and the quality of its actors.
Dracula (2020)
I've never seen a show jump the shark this bad
What a strange, strange mini-series. The first episode was pretty good and faithful to the source material. The second episode took a single sentence from the novel and stretched it out into a whole episode, which was okay. The third and final episode... well... it's like Phil from Modern Family has suddenly taken the place of Dracula.
I have no clue why the people behind this adaptation saw fit to go this route. A final episode dealing with Dracula's London adventures like in the source material would be okay. I suspect they went with the unnecessary concept they did because they didn't have the funds for a 19th century London set. And once this decision was made the only choice was to turn the thing into something of a (perhaps semi-intentional) comedy.
The Twin (2022)
I feel like I've watched this movie a thousand times before
The Twin has it all: the would-be writer, his depressed and traumatized wife and their little kid moving to an old remote house after a family tragedy, the little kid acting more and more creepy, surly old villagers, the single local who seems to know something but won't talk until towards the climax and then becomes a huge exposition dump, an overarching satanic conspiracy and The Big Twist Ending That Explains Everything.
And it's not done well, too. The plot and the editing are all over the place. The big twist doesn't work at all either because it's extremely cliched. You can easily guess what it is simply from the fact that the story is about bereaved mother.
For those thinking that the supposed Finnish flavor might make the movie more palatable and interesting: it does not. For all intents and purposes, this is a bog-standard Hollywood movie; and the director and the staff being Finnish and the setting being Finland do not factor at all (except for a touch of pagan folklore that I don't think reflects well or authentically on Finland). For all intents and purposes, this movie might have been set in Maine.
One more thing: Just before this one, I saw an actual Finnish horror movie (Hatching). It was all modern, Instagram-obsessed families and pristine Volvos. Here, it's all beat-up old cars, seemingly Soviet-era and ugly villagers who are dressed like they live in 1950s. In other words, a typical Hollywood depiction of a remote European location. I think the Finns made a big mistake on this one.
Habit (1995)
Grungy New York slice-of-life from Fessenden, with a succubus as a bonus
I saw this movie on a sort of Larry Fessenden binge, after watching Depraved (2018) and No Telling (1991). Fessenden, as is well known, is a permanently and criminally underrated horror director, writer and occasional actor. Depraved was great, and No Telling, a very early effort, was sort of pointless.
Thankfully, Habit is not pointless. However, the point is not the central plot. Rather, it seems to be a slice of life from a realistic, gritty, early-90s NYC, viewed through protagonist Sam's eyes. Sam is played by Fessenden himself, who probably should have starred in more movies. Sam is an intelligent and seriously underachieving alcoholic who does not know what to do with his life and is "committing suicide on the installment plan." He also just broke up with his girlfriend and lost his father. Fessenden brings an air of wounded vulnerability to the character that makes him very easy to relate to.
Sam's life spirals (further) out of control after he meets Anna, a mysterious woman who turns out to be (SPOILERS) a vampire/succubus preying on men and who has picked Sam as her next victim. This is not a vampire movie per se, though. It seems to have appeared so to critics in 1995, especially coming closely after Interview with the Vampire. That the presence of the vampire is not the central focus can be gleaned from how there is a Van Helsing-type professor character, a certain Mr Lyons who is a friend of Sam's dad, who appears at first as if he'll help Sam with his predicament but whose plot thread goes nowhere. The word "vampire" is mentioned only in one (admittedly pretty weak) scene. However, overall I regard this as a strength and not a weakness.
This is not to say that there are no weaknesses. The minimal budget goes a long way, but Fessenden was too ambitious with his moviemaking and the movie clearly tries to punch above its budget, especially when it comes to special effects. There is some poor editing, which makes certain scenes and scene transitions somewhat confusing. However, despite all that, this is an underrated vampire story from the 90s with life in a grimy New York City as its main focus.
Encino Man (1992)
Brendan Fraser weazes the juice
Encino Man is completely stupid, and it's bad, and also thoroughly entertaining. Much of this is thanks to the great Brendan Fraser, who can lift up any movie. Pauly Shore is simultaneously very irritating and maybe a tiny bit of endearing. It's hard to make up your mind on him, especially in light of the embittered, semi-failed comedian he's become.
The movie takes certain liberties with its story and requires huge lapses of logic from the viewer, which is perhaps not even worth discussing. But, I must point out that they skip toilet training for Link for some reason, and how he does his business is anyone's guess. But I like the fact that he is still pretty much a (slightly better-adjusted) caveman by the end of the movie and is not speaking almost flawless English. It's also as if the filmmakers just forgot about the story arc where Link would be discovered by the public and authorities would try to separate them, but the status quo would be restored by the power of friendship. The part where they are arrested would be the logical starting point for this. It also gets a false start when Matt the jock-person discovers that Link is in fact a caveman and also when Dave suddenly attempts to abandon Link like an adopted stray kitten he cannot handle anymore; but alas, it is not to be and perhaps it is for the best after all.
The best parts are when Brendan Fraser is acting like an actual caveman, and seeing these is worth suffering through the cringy early 90s teen slang and fashion. Also bonus points for the persistent Terminator references.
Saw 3D (2010)
Sorry
Man, I wish this was a real Saw movie and it had more Tobin Bell. The Saw series is not great, but I still do not consider this a real participant. It needed to be longer and to be more real.
Army of the Dead (2021)
Ehhhhhhh
An exceedingly terrible movie. But I would expect nothing less from Zack Snyder. Bravo. Thanks.
Haci (2005)
In a word: brilliant
This movie clearly surpasses Citizen Kane in every way.
Blithe Spirit (2020)
A plot hole large enough to drive a vintage car through
So, um, in that final scene, do other people see a driverless car run over the guy? If not, weren't the ghosts invisible while interacting with objects? If so, shouldn't the headline have read "writer killed by ghost car" or something?
Other than that, mostly unfunny, really bad acting and a slightly interesting premise ruined by execution. Some good period design.
The Quarry (2020)
Solid, slow-burning, bleak neo-Western mystery, if a bit under-stuffed
The Quarry is a solid, slow-burning, tense neo-Western/neo-noir that explores redemption, forgiveness, prejudice and guilt, using the age-old trope of stranger riding into town and religious themes to good effect. It is definitely bare-bones and under-stuffed, with a minimalist cast, but that seems to be somewhat on purpose, for better or worse.
Among that small cast, the two leads - Shea Whigham and Michael Shannon - absolutely steal their roles. The under-stuffing shows in most scenes, some of which cross the line between slow-burning and dull, while the ending seems to lack enough pay-off and is too reliant on coincidences. Nevertheless, The Quarry is definitely worth a watch, especially those who relish bleak small-town mysteries.
9 Kere Leyla (2020)
Well...
Since one of the characters is so obssessed with 2s, I guess it's the score this unfunny cringefest deserves.
Haunt (2019)
This is okay (very minor spoilers)
I went into this movie expecting a total cliche-ridden disaster. Even though my expectations were not completely subverted, I think one this one is okay, if a bit flawed.
Putting a group of college student stereotypes through an "extreme" house of death traps run by an insane clown posse (sorry) with little insight as to either group's motivations or background is necessarily going to be, uh, haunted by classic horror movie tropes. Haunt manages to pull this off, but only barely. Naturally, it needs a heavy dose of suspension of disbelief, as well.
Ultimately, cliches are still cliches even if it is done deliberately and even if the plot manages to subvert some tropes and to conjure some creepy enough imagery. It's certainly far from being completely boring, which is a sin many pictures of this sort are guilty of. However, I would have rated it better if it were more subtle instead of dishing out jump scares by the dozen. Also, putting the protagonists into the house of horrors right off the bat without much of a setup or backstiry is a formula that works here, so I have no idea why they suddenly decided to bring up the main character's wholly unnecessary backstory later on and make callbacks to it.
No Telling (1991)
Somewhat intriguing but ultimately pointless
I became interested in this movie after seeing Depraved, Larry Fessenden's latest effort, especially after seeing thematic comparisons being made between the two films.
No Telling's plot is based on an intriguing idea and it tries to make a point about science and playing God, but ultimately it ends up being a pointless story. Nothing of note happens for much of the runtime, except for one powerful scene, and the acting is quite weak.
Sharp Objects (2018)
Very good premise but dragged down by several issues
Sharp Objects is not bad. But it could have been much better. This is genuinely saddening because the premise is so good.
No, this is not a criticism of how depressing the show is. The problem lies in how the trauma is telegraphed to the audience. Use of sudden flashbacks and jump cuts as a device to convey PTSD simply does not work. It is often very jarring and hurts the pacing. And it really is not necessary to constantly beat the audience over the head with it: We get it, she has past traumas. There are subtler ways of conveying emotion.
Moreover, it seems the screenplay could do with some work. Some major plot threads appear out of nowhere in the last few episodes, and many character interactions and motivations make little sense. If this was another deliberate choice to show small-town and familial dysfunction, it falls short.
Brawl in Cell Block 99 (2017)
Great first half, before suddenly turning south towards the end (minor spoilers)
I got to watch Brawl in Cell Block 99 after previously seeing Bone Tomahawk and Dragged Across Concrete. I am a big fan of both movies and was looking forward to seeing this one since it appears to be the best-reviewed of Zahler's three movies. Unfortunately, after an almost stellar first half, the movie suddenly delves into the nonsensical and loses most of its charm.
Craig Zahler has a tendency to write dialogue that is overly snappy and somewhat unnatural-sounding. Out of his trio of movies, I feel like this one is the worst offender. Despite this, Cell Block 99 has a great first half. The depiction of "the Fridge" is quite realistic as far as I can tell and succeeds in creating the dreary atmosphere of jail.
As soon as Bradley is transferred to Red Leaf, however, things suddenly change for the worse. Realism goes completely out the window. I find it very hard to believe that such a prison can actually exist, which hurts the believable dreariness that we had seen previously. What follows is a series of ludicrous action scenes. I believe that this turn was a deliberate decision, but it doesn't work. It feels like two different movies - one great, the other pretty bad.
The Gentlemen (2019)
More of the same
It seems Guy Ritchie keeps making the same movie: A heist/crime adventure with a script that keeps jumping backwards and forwards, numerous quirky characters with different ethnicities and accents, snappy dialogue, sudden cuts and musical moments, all of it needlessly complicated and stylized and a bit annoying.
This one is okay. It's better than Snatch, which doesn't say much because I hate Snatch. It's not that boring and not very hard to follow, at least.
Gosford Park (2001)
Good effort, with major, fatal flaws (minor spoilers)
I can certainly appreciate the idea of amalgamating Upstairs, Downstairs with Agatha Christie, the social commentary, the performance of the cast and the well-done period set design. However, this movie has two major flaws.
The first is that it absolutely fails to introduce its myriad characters and invest the audience in their motivations and relationships. It does not help that there are way too many of them and that they are one-dimensional and mostly serve to provide (heavy-handed) social commentary. The characters are not well-written, which makes it even more frustrating to keep track of who's who and how they are related to each other for almost two hours.
Then the central murder happens woth about thirty minutes to go. A cliched bumbling country detective shows up, serving mostly as comic relief, and leaves with no results. And then the murderer is suddenly revealed with some some significant plotholes in the last few minutes, and that's it. This is the second major flaw: the Upstairs Downstairs and Agatha Christie elements don't gel well, and the murder mystery almost seems tacked on. It almost only serves to further lay on the social commentary.
I did really want to like and enjoy this movie. However, I could not. If I'm in the mood for a film with with social commentary on class divisions and life in British manors, I would much rather go to The Remains of the Day.
Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn (2020)
Cringefest. Failure. Sad. Tiresome. Meh.
This movie is great! And by that, I mean it's terrible. The great YMS once said: "it's not as bad as Suicide Squad." That may be true, but only by a razor-thin margin.
This movie tries way too hard to be cool in a very Deadpool-y way, but it's way more cringy than Deadpool. It's truly embarassing to think that this was made by adults, for adults.
Every single character is annoying. The plorlt is needlessly complicated and some plot points make about zero sense. Full of jokes, and 98% of them are absolutely unfunny. Annoying overuse of well-known songs. A few good action scenes.
Many people who are incapable of forming their own opinions, or of thinking deeply, will likely really like this. Sad, really.
Arrival (2016)
Sadly overrated, with a story that's full of holes *major spoilers*
I became a fan of Denis Villeneuve after watching Enemy and especially Prisoners, and I liked Sicario. But with Arrival I am having serious second thoughts. Arrival is a movie that appears very profound and meaningful at first glance but completely falls flat if you stop and really think about it. It is a very stylish movie that does not depend on effects or spectacle to create emotional impact, I'll give it that. It also explores an interesting premise, that of a peaceful "arrival" by aliens that are so utterly unlike us. It also has that tense and unnerving atmosphere that Villeneuve does really well, even complete with a little scene reminiscent of Enemy's giant spider scene.
Despite all that positivity, Arrival has to deserve this low score because its story's is riddled with huge flaws. It's full of holes, wholly implausible, and the movie has a clear problem with failure to communicate events, cause and effect and motivations.
First of all, this movie has a "scale" and "detachment" problem that makes everything difficult to believe. We are told to believe that the events unfolding at the Montana alien site are the most important thing that has ever happened in human history, but there is not much to show for it. The whole military operation is maintained by a few hundred soldiers, commanded by a colonel, and there is one linguistic expert on site (Louise). The whole thing seems to exist in a vacuum. There is no correspondence with the president or any other sort of higher-ups that we can see. We see everything else that goes on in the world through TV and computer screens. There are eleven other similar alien arrival sites across the world, and the other countries are apparently attempting to communicate with them much like our own heroes, but we don't learn much of anything about this process, until contact gets cut off. We learn that order starts to break down in different countries, but as seen on TV this has little impact and little explanation as to why it's happening.
The deciphering of the alien language makes up the crux of the story., and this process has a "hard science" feel to it. Except the movie completely fails to show exactly how this happens. There are literally NO concrete details as to how the initial (and most important) breakthrough is made. The scientists have a difficult and frustrating first few sessions, and then we are simply told in a montage that Louise has managed to teach the aliens the word for "human" and has started to make progress. This is a huge failure of the "show don't tell" principle, because we are in no way shown how this has happened. HOW did it happen? Later we are told that apparently at least two other countries - China and Russia - have managed to communicated with their aliens, China apparently with the help of a board game, but there are no real details on any of this.
Later on, the aliens present what is apparently their whole language, and this is their "gift" to humanity, because - as beings that can perceive all of time at once - they have deduced that 3000 years later they will need humanity's help. Putting aside the implausability of entities that can perceive the past and the future at the same time existing as anything other than godlike beings, there are several problems with this. What exactly is their gift? Louise, after being taken aboard the spaceship, gains the ability to see into the future and this is how she deciphers the entirety of the language. She says that mastering the language enables one to gain the ability to see all time as one, but if this is true, many people would gain this ability after the publication of Louise's book in the future, but there is no indication of this having happened. How does this gift work? And why does anyone think it CAN work? Louise herself gained the ability not through deciphering the language but apparently through "magical" means while contacting the aliens, because her "flashforwards" start much earlier, but there is no explanation as to why this happens only to her and not the rest of the science team.
In the movie's climax, as the various human militaries prepare to engage the aliens, the belligerent Chinese General Shang tells Louise in a flashforward scene how she convinced him to stand down by calling his private number and speaking to him his wife's dying words. Louise doesn't remember any of this, for some reason, so he shows her the number and tells her the words again. All of this is very much "deus ex machina" and makes zero sense when you stop to think about it. Louise not remembering the event seems to imply that is actually being "created" at that moment in the future in order to influence the past, and if so, it begs the question as to how the armies decided not to engage the aliens in the first place. It's classic time travel paradox. This is not even taking into consideration the implausability of all the nations suddenly deciding to come together just because some American scientist told a top Chinese general his wife's dying words in a phone call and then hung up.
In order to illustrate Arrival's failings to communicate its plot points clearly I am going to highlight a particular scene: The bombing carried out by the "rogue" soldiers. It makes no sense. A few soldiers, apparently brainwashed by some conspiracy theory radio show host, decide to "do something" about the aliens. Their plan is to plant a meager amount of explosives on the spaceship, an amount that cannot in any way destroy the ship. What are their motivitations? What is this going to accomplish? How come a group of apparently hand-picked and elite troops manage to get duped into doing this by listening to a random radio program? We don't know.
They plant the bombs, by coincidence at the same time as Louise and co decide to back up into the ship for another communication session, fail to stop the scientists, but then the aliens save them at the last minute, althougn one of them - "Abbott"- is fatally injured. Exactly why beings that can see into the future fail to stop this happening before the last minute is unclear - except maybe for dramatic effect. This is especially more confusing for the alien who dies. Did he foresee his own death in the bombing, but simply chose to go along with it? Why? And to top it off, after this incident nobody in the military camp is making a big deal out of this, barely mentioning it when Louise asks about it. Except it's the biggest thing that has happened until that point and could end up literally destroying the world.
(Sigh)
And finally, I do like the tense atmosphere, but I don't like it when the only single emotion that the main character conveys for 95% of the movie is: "tense"
Biz Böyleyiz (2020)
Meh
A group of obnoxious people meet at their sick grandmother's home (or something). As days go by, tempers fray, relationships are strained and secrets buried in the past start to come out.
Except none of it really matters because the lack of proper backstory and character development coupled with the total absence of concrete details about the context makes it impossible to become invested in the characters. The movie attempts to become an emotional rollercoaster slash tearjerker in the second half, and fails.
Cinematography, shot composition and lighting make the whole thing feel like a 2-hour-long commercial, which further detaches the story from grounded reality and lessens its emotional impact. Some good scenes and a few unexpected twists towards the end. Otherwise, a very derivative and soulless movie full of obnoxious characters (except for the grandmother).
Black Christmas (2019)
Cheesy, cliched slasher flick with a forced feminist message
Somehow, I don't think grafting a "smash the patriarchy" girl power message all over onto a stupid college slasher movie really works. It gets especially obnoxious when that message permeates every single part of the story without being naturally threaded through it.
Apart from that, there is not much to the movie. It follows typical slasher bits and yet is somehow hard to follow. I went in not expecting much and hoping for it to be in the "so bad it's good" category, but this is not even that.
Doctor Sleep (2019)
All over the place, and quite a bit stupid
This movie is pretty much a mess. While it is based on Stephen King's own follow-up to The Shining, the link with the previous movie is not made successfully or compellingly at all. The plot manages to make it so that the sequel nature of the film is largely meaningless and also that viewers who don't know anything about The Shining will end up confused.
Apart from the scattershot and rushed feeling of the plot, the most important problem is that while The Shining the movie downplayed the supernatural as opposed to the novel, suddenly in Doctor Sleep there is a huge mythology - one that is not explored or explained very well. In The Shining there were just ghosts who were attracted to "the shine." Now there is suddenly a whole lot else, and the links to The Shining quickly devolve into little more than "hey, remember that scene/thing from The Shining?"
The production is akin more to a mid-budget TV series than a movie, and especially the sound effects and visuals accompanying supernatural scenes look and sound really cheap and cheesy. Apart from Ewan McGregor - who does a great job - the acting is quite weak. The main antagonist is not menacing at all and, plus, wears a stupid hat for some reason. I guess they thought it looked cool. It does not.
Depraved (2019)
Definitely not what its poster suggests
In my opinion, Depraved is not a horror movie per se. It's certainly not the cheesy B-movie the title and the movie's poster suggest.
What we have is a low-budget but very effective take on the classic Frankenstein story with a dash of Monkey's Paw. Only this time, it is from the perspective of "the monster" - who is much less of a monster than the people who pieced him together and is rather more of a hapless individual trying to learn to fit in in a confusing society.
There is tension here, but no cheap jump scares. Depraved is a sad, bleak, hopeless tale and some of the scenes emotionally affected me in a way few movies ever could. It is not very easy to elicit genuine sympathy for a movie character, especially if that character is a stitched-together abomination.
There are problems with Depraved, sure. The trippy visual effects look very cheap, some shots are reused to an annoying degree in "flashback" scenes, and several plot points, events and character interactions border on the impossible (along with the central premise, which requires a heavy dose of suspension of disbelief). This last issue, however, also gives the story a slightly surreal, ethereal quality that works to its advantage. There are also some plot threads that remain unresolved and could definitely be built upon some more. All of that being said, however, Depraved is still a unique and evocative movie and a gripping watch.