janzjaniny Reviews

Department Q: The Absent One (2014)

watchable at best

[5/10 · 24 January 2017]

if you expect another take at a "Girl with a dragon tattoo" kind of movie, you'll be tremendously disappointed. the mystery and mood are gone, you know the ending right after it begins, and the only question that hangs throughout entire film is whether you should keep on watching it.

it's such a cheap rip off I'm amazed Danish folks rushed to the cinemas as they reportedly did. there's nothing really good about this one, acting's very average, main characters aren't very likable and are not developed well, the whole 'who killed them' mystery is solved instantly after showing the main villain - and you'll know it's him because.. well unless it's your first movie ever, you just will.

it's a very, very average movie at best.

The BFG (2016)

the worst fantasy/family movie in a long time

[4/10 · 8 January 2017]

having watched a hefty number of 'family' flicks, from blockbusters to some of more independent productions, the BFG comes as the biggest disappointment of them all.

as it turns out, the director's name doesn't add any value to the piece. first of all the characters aren't really likable. the 'monster' is awkward and not funny at all, and the little girl comes as very annoying. the story behind the film is portrayed like someone had a deadline breathing down his neck, the 'humour' is forced and in numerous moments you'll just find yourself facepalming in disbelief - something that shouldn't happen in a good family movie.

from the start the story doesn't really engage you, and it won't till the end. the farting jokes (yes..) are probably the pinnacle of bad cinematography applied in the BFG (although 6 year olds will love them), with the final part involving the Queen following closely.

it's a really bad one, doesn't bring you much positive emotions (the dream hunting scenes are so 'meh' and look like a rip-off of a rip-off) or decent laughter either. actually the biggest surprise came at the end, as I saw Spielberg's name listed as the director... the only moment I sincerely laughed.

someone said it's sort of like 'Song of the sea' - well it's exactly on the opposite end of the scale. there are plenty cheap family flicks that are more bearable than this 140 million dollar (!!!) production.

do yourself a favor and skip this one.

Hands of Stone (2016)

B-class movie at best

[3/10 · 27 November 2016]

for everyone out there hoping for yet another solid 'boxing movie' - there is something wrong with this one from the get go - the way the characters are introduced and the events start to take shape seems just odd.

first of all, there is no single likable character, which is kinda odd given how 'easy' it is to work on the well known pattern of a rookie who - despite various odds - aspires for the greatness. both Duran and Arcel appear like strangers to each other, there is absolutely no chemistry between the two, and arguably, no sort of drawing you to the action as it just runs along.

there's no suspense or agitation either. the way the events are shown reminds me of going through a photo album or a (rather shallow though full of nice pictures) reportage in a newspaper. during the whole film I had no sense of involvement with characters or the events whatsoever.

so what went wrong? well, mr. Jakubowicz - the director - clearly wasn't up to the task. in many moments it feels very amateur-ish, take the way the 'meeting/falling in love' moments, the night club scenes or Duran's flashbacks are filmed. I just face-palmed with disbelief it's actually a serious movie with ambitions and not an Asylum production.

the script also doesn't provide us with much. it sort of rolls on like you know it would, the events just 'happen' and the characters just 'act' on them - often God knows why. as I said none of main characters is even remotely interesting, and some seem to serve no purpose at all (like the mob boss played by Torturro). and the ending - there should be a separate place in hell for filmmakers who end their flicks so cluelessly.

being a huge fan of 'fighter' movies and series (Ali, Warrior, Kingdom) I'm staggered how one could have so much on paper - nice story, decent characters, very solid actors - and actually turned it all into a tasteless mush.

seriously, it's not worth your time and don't kid yourself De Niro's presence at least guarantees some level of decency. it doesn't, better go watch Ali again or just have an evening walk. it's that bad..

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)

The disappointment of the year

[4/10 · 30 March 2016]

Star Wars franchise hit the bottom with the Force Awakens 7th episode. I was so let down I really couldn't believe what I just saw, and let me tell you why.

This is a single dimension, one layer cliché action movie. It's so generic I'm baffled folks at Disney/Lucas greenlighted is a long awaited new piece of Star Wars universe. Apart from nice looking battles it doesn't bring anything to the table. The story lacks depth and sense, characters are shallow, and not properly developed or introduced. The events just 'happen' one after another, without really explaining why and how they do. Take the whole conflict amongst the Republic and the First Order - who are they, where they came from, who runs it and how. Nothing, null, nada.

But the word that comes to mind all the time while watching Force Awakens is 'miscast'. Rey and Finn were OK, as main characters go. Entirely forgettable, but OK. I'd expected bigger role for an actor like Chris Isaac, but instead he got just few minutes as Poe the pilot. Han Solo is a different case - his return was sort of a cameo taken beyond any limits of decency. Ford is apparently too old for the role, he lacks the kick and looked awkward in the battle scenes. Don't get me wrong, it was a cool idea to include him, but It appeared as both Solo and Leia were supposed to cover this rather shallow and straightforward plot with their 'look I'm back' pointless performances. Didn't work though..

But the biggest of them all is Adam Driver aka Kylo Ren aka the Anakin's grandson. Wow, really...? The first moment he took his mask off I literally burst in laugh, and I wasn't the only one. With his face expression of spoiled brat, he came nowhere near the bar set (pretty low-ish) by Hayden Chrisensen's Anakin/Darth Vader. There was nothing in this character that suggested his great power, evil or.. anything really. "A mommy and daddy left me" kind of attitude combined with silly childish anger made for a grotesque character, that's simply an insult both the fans and to the series.

What didn't help is that we didn't get a chance to really meet any of those characters. The 'daddy conflict', a cheap rip off from Skywalkers, was just pathetically oversimplified (and poorly played), we've no clue who Rey is and why is she so powerful... what's worse, we've no idea what's the evil behind Kylo's childish face and that tall hologram...

Episodes 1-3 were bashed for not being in par with the saga, but looking back at them from Force's perspective - they're near masterpieces of sci-fi action genre. I'm getting through them with my daughter now and the depth of characters, rich script full of interesting plots, well developed characters, even Christensen's Anakin - they're all joy to watch. There was so much fuss when Abrams took the saga, he'd been brought up on Star Wars, he's gonna turn it into a masterpiece people said. So far nothing indicates any of that and I fear next movies, that are probably being produced as we speak, will only get worse.