patrickkeown Reviews

Homicide: New York (2024)

PLEASE MAKE A SEASON TWO

[9/10 · 4 April 2024]

I absolutely love this series. As an avid and routine true crime aficionado, this one checks all the boxes for me, and I have a very long check list! I'm very picky when it comes to what I watch, so for this one to make an impression says a lot.

I love the quality of work that's put into this series most of all. The detectives and their way of storytelling is really top notch and keeps you glued to each episode. My only complaint is that it's too short. It needs a good five to ten more episodes (stories). I'm really hoping they put out more seasons, and soon, because I'm very sad it's over. Or maybe they can do other cities? I sure hope so.

Central Park (2017)

40 minutes in and....

[2/10 · 24 March 2024]

Well......I am 40 minutes in and the first kill just happened. I am in shock how long it took. Oh and the kill is off screen too, by the way. What a joke. I really wanted to like this movie. I liked the plot and the poster, etc. Such a huge disappointment. The teens are so generic and the story is pretty slow. It feels like watching paint dry. And the whole subplot about the Dad with the billion dollar Ponzi scheme is overdone and quite annoying to put in a horror movie. You lose your core audience by diving too much into backstory and motives. Anyway, save your time and don't even bother watching this snooze fest!

Sex and the City: What's Sex Got to Do with It? (2001) Season 4, Episode 4

Liked Ray

[8/10 · 8 January 2024]

I liked Ray. I really think he could've been the next big relationship for Carrie.... If only they didn't mess him up with the whole ADD thing and write him out. He definitely was the same caliber of leading man as Aiden or Big. Such a shame that he never got a real 'go'.

I love the Miranda cake storyline, too. I love when she eats it out of the trash can and then calls Carrie's machine about it. 😝 Samantha being a lesbian: Meh. I think the writers just didn't know what else to do with her. It wasn't very realistic. Samantha is too sex-positive about the male appendage to be with a woman. In the end, it just didn't make any sense.

The Disappearance of Madeleine McCann (2019)

First three episodes are good

[6/10 · 10 June 2023]

The first three episodes of this docuseries are pretty good! A lot of good information and reenactments of what happened that fateful night. Some of it is pretty chilling. After episode three, however, it gets pretty dull. You can some it all up with one of the journalists statement of "we have nothing." It's primarily just a load of theories, opinions and semi-related tangents to the story. It's also a lot of interviews of people saying, "someone knows something and they need to come forward." Anyway, if you're bored and want something interesting to watch, I'd say give this a shot; just don't expect groundbreaking stuff past the first few episodes. All in all, I hope there's a second "season" wherein the case is finally solved!

The Novice (2021)

Horrible and Frustrating!

[1/10 · 14 May 2023]

You should know that this movie is very frustrating to watch. Don't watch if you've had a bad day (or any kind of day) and want something light. Everything about it is frustrating; from the script, to the cinematography, and most of all the Direction. Even the concept of the movie is frustrating. I'm shocked that I made it all the way through this movie without tearing paper or shattering glass. I think I was hoping for a big payoff but alas, it (naturally) didn't happen. I knew it'd be one of those movies that just ends, all artistically, too. And it did! Be warned: nothing much happens in this movie except a visual zeal for stress!

The Golden Girls: Where's Charlie? (1991) Season 7, Episode 5

This episode sucks

[1/10 · 13 April 2023]

Dorothy needs to get out pent-up feelings about her Pa while Rose is contacted from beyond the dead by Charlie, just as Blanche helps a baseball player with his batting average.

Lame episode. Nothing really funny here. The Blanche /Baseball storyline is lame and not funny. Similarly is the desperate storyline about Dorothy and the letter. The only semi-interesting storyline is the ring given to Rose by Miles. There was some funny bits in the scene when she's given the ring, but the other scenes where Sophia pretends to be possessed by Charlie were so stupid. Rose is dim-witted but she's not a total imbecile. This episode is worth passing over.

From Zero to I Love You (2019)

Awful

[1/10 · 9 March 2023]

This movie is so God awful. I don't even know where to begin! The acting, first of all, is so so bad. I've seen better acting from a middle school play. All these actors do is read their lines, and do it poorly. Secondly, the editing is wretched. It's all strung together in these choppy, short scenes that give you whiplash. And then there's the plot; or lack thereof! Who wants to see a movie about a married wimp stringing along his wife and kids to repeatedly see another man whom he does NOT intend to be with? And he does it so poorly! (At least lie and be good at it!) ugh. Avoid this movie like the plague. I'd rather watch paint dry.

The Outwaters (2022)

No Thank You. I'll Go Watch Paint Dry.

[1/10 · 18 February 2023]

Horrible. I'd honestly rather watch paint dry. It's like watching someone's home movies for much longer than you want to; home movies of someone you don't even really know all that well. Pure torture. I'm not sure what people are smoking when they say it's the most terrifying movie they've ever seen, because I wasn't terrified one bit; just bored to death. And the characters? Oh my, they were so annoying. I honestly wanted them to get it in the end because they deserved it after the pain it put us through. I cannot believe this movie gets compared to Blair Witch because it is not even in the same galaxy of greatness.

Firebird (I) (2021)

Basically Brokeback Mountain in a different setting

[8/10 · 6 February 2023]

This is a great movie. There really is a lot of good material here, but most, if not all, of it we've seen before in Brokeback Mountain! It's a retelling of the same story. Honestly.... If you liked Brokeback, you'll like this story. In fact, I liked it a bit more because the chemistry and love between the two characters is a bit more believable. You truly root for the characters to end up together, even though you know there's no way it's going to happen. It's a shame that LGBTQ movies all typically have this same fate, but what varies amongst them is the interest and emotions that you encapsulate as the viewer. It really makes a difference.

Deadstream (2022)

Garbage

[1/10 · 16 October 2022]

Disagree with some of the reviews here, which just goes to show you that we're all so very different! It is such a terrible film. I thought the main "actor" was incredibly annoying to the point where I just couldn't watch it anymore. Even if being annoying is "the point," he still acted in such a (bad) way that made me want nothing more than to turn the movie off. Thankfully, it wasn't in a theater and I gladly turned it off eventually...and honestly I'm not sad about it. This movie, from everything that I saw, doesn't deserve to be considered part of the horror genre nor should it have wasted anyone's time or money to get made. Don't watch this thing. Utter garbage.

Trick or Treats (1982)

A high school film class makes better movies

[2/10 · 3 October 2022]

This thing is awful. A high school film class makes better movies! How did this thing even get made?? I'm embarrassed for them. I mean, I figured it would be cheesy but still watchable horror. Unfortunately, I was very wrong on all fronts. It's not watchable and there's very little horror. I'm not even sure why it's billed as a horror movie. I hope they show this movie to acting and cinema majors on how NOT to make a horror film! The acting is atrocious. The editing is horrible. Everything about this is just bad, bad, bad! I wish that I could get my hour and a half back! Don't watch this film!

A Stormy Night (I) (2020)

Gaybage

[1/10 · 6 August 2022]

What a piece of garbage. I can't believe I watched this movie. Such a waste of time. It felt like the dialogue of a gay porno; and not a good one. The one American actor-if you can call him that- is so terrible. He definitely shouldn't continue with this profession.

Keep the Lights On (2012)

Hate this movie

[1/10 · 1 August 2022]

Hate this movie. Hate it. Hate the story. Hate the leads. Hate the relationship between the leads. There is absolutely nothing redeeming about this film.

Nope (2022)

More like, Huh??

[4/10 · 23 July 2022]

I'm not really sure what I just saw. This has to be one of the weirdest movies I've ever seen. As per usual, Peele raises a ton of questions in his film without touching anywhere close to the answers. And let's face it, it's the same premise as Tremors, only it's in the sky. Nothing really amazingly new or anything. Just weird. The best part of the movie, honestly, ends up being a prank by a bunch of kids. (IYKYK)

Roseanne: Guilt by Disassociation (1989) Season 2, Episode 3

Confusing episode

[6/10 · 16 June 2022]

This episode doesn't really make sense. Murial was hiring for a position that wasn't really needed but then turns around and suddenly needed someone urgently after Roseanne balked at the computer. Huh!?

There are some great moments in this episode but for the most part this episode saddens me, especially when she fights with Dan over quitting Wellman. All in all, I kinda wish this episode didn't happen.

Roseanne: An Officer and a Gentleman (1990) Season 2, Episode 15

No Thanks!

[5/10 · 11 March 2022]

This episode makes me so uncomfortable. In my regular viewing of Roseanne (every night for years!), I always skip over or watch the first half of this episode and forget the rest. It's just so awkward to see Dan and Jackie forming feelings for each other and hint at infidelity. There are a few funny moments, and some great work by Laurie Metcalfe, but overall it's just not a feel good episode.

The Requin (2022)

1st shark movie where I want the shark to win

[1/10 · 6 February 2022]

Bloody awful movie (literally). Stay far away from this cheap movie as much as possible. Alicia Silverstone is so whiny and annoying; I actually wanted her to get eaten!

Moonfall (2022)

MoonFAIL

[1/10 · 6 February 2022]

I wanted to like this movie; I really did. Went into it with a ton of excitement. But almost immediately, it fell flat. Boring, not fun, painful. Really want my two hours back!

Scream (I) (2022)

Lame

[1/10 · 15 January 2022]

A lane and unnecessary sequel. There is absolutely nothing here worth mentioning. A generic horror film to say the least. The new characters are generic and nothing to care about. The older characters- the ones we do care about- are barely in it. It's just not of the same caliber as the original trilogy. They should've stopped at part 3.

Hurt (2018)

Wow - so very awful

[1/10 · 31 December 2021]

Good god - Why did they make this piece of garbage? It's so boring and slow paced, and the lead actress just cries throughout most of it. No substance whatsoever and just so annoying. I'd rather hang upside down in a boiling pit of acid for hours than watch this again.

Hawaii (I) (2013)

How do you say 'slow' in Spanish?

[5/10 · 18 November 2021]

Wow, this is a slow burn! Not much really happens, so don't expect a plot. I think they maybe made it up as they went along. The chemistry between the two isn't all that great either so there's not even that to save it. All that being said, I didn't HATE it. It's hard to hate something so vanilla & that doesn't have much to it. It's just kind of blah with no real payoff. But good to have on in the background, I suppose!

Everything Is Free (2017)

Wow. Really really bad!

[1/10 · 17 November 2021]

'Awful' doesn't even begin to express how bad this movie is. I'm not even sure what I just watched. It's like a bunch of guys were bored one day and decided to film a bunch of scenes and then mash them together into some kind of plot. Was there even one? I'm honestly not sure. Shoot, there definitely wasn't a script! A toilet paper roll has more script to it than this thing. Don't bother watching; it's a big waste of time.

Fair Haven (2016)

Rare positive ending for an LGBTQ film

[8/10 · 15 November 2021]

Really good LGBTQ drama. I wasn't expecting it to be so good. Great performances by both the actors and crew. Highly recommended! Watch it with a box of Kleenex!

Christmas at the Chateau (2019)

Has to be the worst Christmas movie ever made

[1/10 · 14 November 2021]

This has to be the worst Xmas movie ever made. It's indescribable! I mean, the acting is complete garbage. The directing? Horrendous. The script? Unbearable.

The audio quality, too, sounds homemade and just terrible. A high school video production has way more appeal. Don't waste your holiday spirit on this piece of dog doo!

Great White (2021)

Did they never have to poop or pee!?

[2/10 · 12 November 2021]

Seriously... how is it possible to be stranded for that long and not once have to defecate? Not only that but it's a pretty boring movie. It really is just another reason to show sharks taking people out one by one. Been there, done that.