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Melancholia (2011)
Frustrating to watch
Movie tries to be artistic, but ends up just being incredibly slow and frustrating to watch. Kirstin Dunst comes off as a selfish POS, which she seems to play in just about every movie she's in... shocking.
Everyone in the reviews say she's struggling with depression... cool... whatever... that doesn't make the movie good.
The only people that will enjoy this movie are the artsy fartsy weirdos that want to like something just because it's different (read: not good, but just colors outside the lines), or the people who have struggled with depression so they can go "yeah, I can relate to Kirsten Dunst and how much of an inconsiderate a$$hole she is to others because of the depression."
Don't bother watching this movie if you're a normal person looking for a film that will provide you with enjoyment or any other feeling other than frustration and annoyance.
The Nest (2020)
Boring and genuinely made me hate horses
This is one of the most boring movies I've ever watched. I think someone was making a joke when they classified this movie as a "thriller" - I think "drama" would even be a stretch due to the lack of anything happening.
Anyway, the most action you'll see in this movie is a horse that makes a loud braying noise every time it's on screen. I honestly fast forwarded through EVERY scene that had a horse in it as I got sick and tired of listening to the same sound over and over. The people that made this movie really know how to annoy the hell out of you with awful, repetitive, annoying sounds.
Anyway, I hated the movie... it was atrocious. You're literally watching a dysfunctional set of parents who argue over money - shocking new development there... boring AF, don't waste your time.
Mr. Right (2015)
Sam Rockwell was Awesome
Sam Rockwell played his role perfectly in this movie. I could have done without Anna Kendrick... her personality in every movie just gets old. It's all the same... it makes me want to roll my eyes every time she comes on the screen.
Sam Rockwell easily carries the movie, while anyone could have played his counterpart, there were many better choices than Anna Kendrick, however, given how much I like Rockwell, I only deducted 1 star for Kendrick's "blah" performance. She just can't act, she plays the same personality in every movie... which just means she's being her annoying self. I'm ready for her to just disappear into the nothingness and leave us alone.
Anyway, the movie is quite enjoyable as Rockwell's personality in the movie is funny, charismatic, smooth, and deadly. Really enjoyed how fun and quirky he is in the movie.
Joker (2019)
Made the Joker into a pathetic loser instead of a super villain - disappointing to say the least.
Well the title of my review pretty much says it all. First off, Walking (misspelled, and I don't care) Phoenix is one of my least favorite actors, and this movie just proves why.
The movie paints the joker as some loser who has mental issues because of his mommy. They portray him as a pathetic man who suffers from abuse from his mother and therefore goes on to live this pathetic and sad life because of his bad home life growing up (gtf over it dude, the rest of us did).
It was so disappointing to see a super villain turned into such a sad excuse of a human being. No super hero in his right mind would be intimidated by this loser that would probably pee his pants if his mother raised a hand to him.
Overall super disappointed in how they depicted the Joker in this movie. Didn't do the comic book character justice at all. Jared Leto did a much better performance of the Joker in "Suicide Squad" and he was only in that movie for a total of like 10 minutes.
This movie is trash and makes me mad that they chose to portray such a powerful and insane super villain as a loser piece of crap that has mommy issues. Sad garbage.
The Goetia Diaries (2022)
Meh
The first (at least) 30 minutes of the film are basically some guy making a Vlog for his youtube channel about his incredibly boring life. Then some fake video footage of him and his "girlfriend" breaking up because he's too into his "project" about the occult and doesn't care about planning his wedding with her (Seriously, if you're going at a movie from the direction of self-taken video clips, the video taping of your breakup conversation makes no sense. Who films that?)
This guy is a straight up douche to his girlfriend, and then the next Vlog entry is how he's so broken up that she left. Duh... any woman would leave you after your behavior. (Annoying and terrible acting)
Anyway, I couldn't make it past 30 minutes, it was so incredibly boring. Wouldn't recommend.
Moonfall (2022)
Enjoyed it
I'm surprised by how many bad reviews this movie got. I can really only guess that everyone that rated it poorly are probably people that expect sci-fi movies to be "grounded in reality" as one review put it. Clearly they don't understand the "fi" part of "sci-fi."
I enjoyed the movie for the good FX and something different than the ho-hum sci-fi premise involving another planetary body. I enjoyed the acting as well.
Several reviews said they thought this movie was a mish-mash of other sci-fi movies, well yeah... there have been thousands of movies made so far, so some of them are going to overlap. Lol Some people just want to complain, and that's really the feeling I get from a lot of the negative reviews - nerds that just want to be mad that the movie wasn't "based in reality" or that it shares elements of other sci-fi movies. *Eyeroll* get over yourself and quit ruining movie ratings for the rest of us.
If you like sci-fi and cool special effects, and you're not a negative Nancy, you'll probably enjoy this movie.
Demigod (2021)
Nordic Folk Horror
Wrote this review 60 minutes into the movie. I couldn't make it through the whole thing.
This movie is not my preferred brand of horror, hence the low rating. It seems like Nordic Folk Horror based on the look and foreign language use in the film.
I found it boring and very slow. You finally get a glimpse of what's going on around 40 minutes into the film, and at this point I was pretty disappointed that it turned out to be a story that's been told a million times before and is in no way novel or scary.
The movie also has a few gory parts, which again is not my preferred kind of horror. It's just gross, not scary. There's also several scenes in the movie that would have been much more intense and creepy if it had been filmed at night instead of before dusk. Overall just felt kind of cheesy to me.
If you like movies about old folklore gods and movies that move super slowly, you may enjoy this film.
The Dead Girl in Apartment 03 (2022)
Decently Creepy
The movie starts off with some creepiness within the first 15 minutes which is a nice change from the movies where nothing happens for an hour and a half, and then one thing happens at the very end. At least in this movie the creepy parts are peppered throughout so you are never "bored".
I enjoyed this movie much moreso than many of the other reviews on here, but I am very into the paranormal and any movie with disfigured bodies (being that they are super creepy to me).
I thought the acting was decent, I've definitely seen much worse. The cops are probably the weakest in terms of acting ability, but they play a small part of the movie. For a movie that I just decided to watch on a random whim, having low expectations from the start, it actually was surprisingly decent. I would even watch it again down the road.
I saw a lot of reviews saying this movie was "predictable", but if you're like me where you actually just submerse yourself in the movie and allow yourself to watch it instead of overanalyzing the hell out of it, then I think you'll enjoy it. I think a lot of people ruin movies for themselves because they're constantly trying to predict the ending. Just enjoy it and don't sit there overthinking it the whole time.
The Thing Inside Us (2021)
Amateur Film - Decent First Try
This is clearly a movie made by someone learning the film industry - as it is not polished like what you would see in a movie theater on the big screen.
However, I could have gotten over the B-filmmaking if the acting and the storyline was better. The 2 main characters were decent, but the supporting characters were really rough in terms of acting abilities. You were very aware that the acting was forced and not natural.
This can be seen in some of the dialog, as the conversations don't feel like anything people would really say in real life - it was very clear that these conversations were used as a means to inform the viewer of specific information. This can be seen in the first interaction with the landlord (whose acting was god awful - sorry). Just really unnatural dialog in several places.
But like I said, this is a good first effort for someone likely going through or just out of film school. However, it's not scary in the least. At most I would describe it as a "thriller" or "suspense." Don't go into this movie expecting to be scared.
Monstrous (2022)
Not horror
So, I went into this movie assuming there was some kind of monster or paranormal horror aspect going on. There was not.
The movie centers around Ricci's mental instability, but you don't find that out until the very end. So, the whole movie ends up being about her interacting with her already dead son, whom she believes is still alive and in her mind, they're set in the 1950's because I assume that's her idea of the "ideal" time to live in.
I kept looking for a relationship between Ricci's son and the lake monster, of which there is never a relationship explained or inferred. Her son died in a pool, and now suddenly a lady/lake monster is here to take her already gone son from her. Makes no sense, and seems to be chosen at random. Even if this were Ricci's mind making up this "monster" there is no connection made in the movie that would lead you to understand why she would have chosen a lake monster. The closest thing I can think of would just be the connection of water (her son dying in a pool, and then being dragged to the afterlife by a being originating from water).
Anyway, I loved Ricci's acting, and the costumes and scenery design were beautiful, but the actual story was terrible. Could have been really good if they had just made a better connection between the son dying and Ricci's character actually coming to terms with it in a way that made sense instead of a random lake monster.
Conjuring: The Beyond (2022)
Confused by Positive Reviews
So I'm 30 minutes into the movie and besides the terribly boring and bad 10 minute intro discussion between some girl and someone you assume to be a family member, maybe a father? I don't know, it wasn't explained and wasn't clear. But nothing has happened so far.
I gave it another 10 minutes and still nothing interesting has happened. It's all just been talking about the sleep study they're supposed to be doing, but literally NOTHING has happened. Just people sitting around talking to each other. Insanely slow and I have to wonder if the positive reviews are confusing this movie with a different Conjuring movie since there are multiple, but this is not affiliated with that movie.
I can't keep going... it's just so incredibly boring. If nothing happens in the first 40 minutes of your film, you're doing something wrong. Save yourself an hour and a half and pick a different movie.