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Nothing Happens
18 May 2024
Warning: Spoilers
Alright. Something happens.

But what and why are never revealed.

The real question is why did they make it?

Hey, everybody!

I found some sucker's who will give us money to make a film!

Let's go to Ireland and waste all this money.

We'll make an idiotic movie, but we will have a blast in Ireland!

How does this have a 5.0 rating?

Don't the fools fawning all over this senseless tripe recall the story of the emperor's new clothes?

If there's nothing there you say there's nothing there!

All the good intentions and wonderful scenery and skilled acting and brooding atmosphere in the world add up to nothing if the story is silly!

Don't waste your time!
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Idiotic Filmmaking Without Answers!
7 May 2024
Warning: Spoilers
Much stupidity ensues and you'll never know why!?!

Most filmmaking requires suspension of disbelief.

There are always holes in the story.

They are worth it if there is a story with a decent ending. But this ending is open. There are several possibilities presented, none making any sense at all.

Maybe the idiots that made this did it to make some of the statements in the movie such as when the killer suggests he's a conspiracy like January 6th. I don't know but whatever it was it was weak!

The only redeeming moment of the movie was the end where we were treated to the killer more concerned with keeping his ski mask down and concealing his identity than the automobile lift about to squash his skull like a grape under a boot!

Which it very satisfyingly did.

Just the last of many, many unlikely decisions and occurrences that made up this nonsensical POS.
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10/10
Thank You!
24 April 2024
Thanks for coming back?

I didn't catch all the permutations of the petering out of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force phranchise, but this movie length features re-establishes this as a phantastic and phresh show!

I guess I need to watch it from the start again!

I really enjoyed the movie. I am so happy to have you back. The story is a completely believable continuation of the series.

And so much fun!

I have really missed these rich characters!

Very sorry it was two years after the release that I finally stumbled upon this wonderful creation.

Now if I only knew a single other human who could give a thing.

Oh well, it's their loss!
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Stalker (1979)
GARBAGE!
8 April 2024
Except for the wasted hours watching this pretentious drivel, I am extremely thrilled to completely admit, "I DIDN'T GET IT ".

Exactly nothing happens. Nothing is explained. Multiple warnings of dire consequences issued but zero actions result in any negative occurrences.

And every activity is drawn out. I only wish I had fast forwarded.

But stay tuned for the philosophical mumbo-jumbo, if that's your cup 'O tea, you won't be disappointed!

And take a good, long look at the 1979 Soviet Union. Disgusting.

I watched on very low resolution and it looked like a Disgusting, wet mess!

I only felt empathy for the dog!
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9/10
Love and the '80's!
29 February 2024
Warning: Spoilers
That's a great combination for me?

Throw in humor and wanton murder and we're off to the races!

Lisa goes from traumatized teen to psychotic it girl so fast it'll make your head swim. It's forgivable after all she's been through, though.

Pretty much innocent people get murdered throughout but it's still a very light comedy. We are happy to root for Lisa since she's the underdog. She must prevail and we must have our happy ending. Even though I don't exactly know what happened it seems our protagonists got what they wanted. And that's what it's all about, right.

Just don't have highbrow expectations for this film. Have fun!
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1/10
The Horror is People!
15 January 2024
Warning: Spoilers
So horrible things happen throughout the movie but they are never explained. Nor do they seem to trouble anyone. Two airliners crash into the same random beach with zero first responders. We never find out why or how.

Strange screeching sounds, internet down, phones down, no contact with anyone are all events the actors may react to demonstrating their inhumanity.

Such as the lady encountered on the road gibberish in Spanish. She's clearly in extreme distress both warning them and begging for assistance.

She is summarily abandoned on the side of the road!

And on and on. The characters are without redeeming qualities.

Check the producers before beginning this rage against humanity!
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Reptile (2023)
1/10
Stupid Premise, Makes No Sense!
15 January 2024
Warning: Spoilers
If you watch the ending you will know what I mean.

There are virtually no surprises only impossible circumstances.

Such as the murderer never revealing his alibi because it wasn't considered by the Medal of Valor winning detective. Of course, he was busted even though another guy's DNA found in the victim.

At the end it's all tied together very neatly.

It's dirty cops of course! The smart c cop who figures it out brings the evidence to a higher up cop. He's dirty, too. But when the smart cop tells the dirty cop he brought it to the higher up dirty cop he says, "oh, no! You gave them everything!" Except "them" is his partner!

Then dirty cop's partner other dirty cop kills dirty cop.

It sounds stupid and it is.

Somehow, smart cop survives unsullied.

STUPID! And too predictable.
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The Killer (2023)
1/10
Comic Book Nonsense
26 December 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I really looked forward to seeing this movie. I was very disappointed.

Unfortunately: The super badass assassin fails to take a clear shot but hits a prostitute who falls immediately out of the way. Then he fails to even attempt a follow up shot.

His getaway vehicle is a scooter with a faulty security lock.

Even on a scooter he attracts police attention, but of course gets away.

He goes "home" but other assassins have already been there and tortured his live in.

He kills an innocent taxi driver to get information about them. But afterwards is given their identity and home address by his boss' assistant.

Why would any criminal willingly provide his address to anyone? So they could be 1099'd!?! But no, his employer offers to have his employee who missed killed to tie up loose ends for the client. What it he made the shot? He'd still be a loose end. But know he's a loose end ONLY because he missed!

When his employer goes missing and the assistant dies "accidentally" the other assassins take no note and go about their lives as though they work in the floral industry. If I was sent to kill a guy for missing and I missed I would make myself extremely difficult to locate.

This is only some of the glaringly innate comic book silliness plaguing this production. Don't get me started on the stealing of the gym attendant's key that opens patron's lockers so key fob may be copied in moments to get access to an unprotected billionaire's lair. It's terribly unfortunate because the production values are very high. Everything about it is nice except the silly story! What a waste!

Y'all please try again soon!
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Appendage (2023)
7/10
Fun and Well Done!
12 October 2023
I wasn't sure if this was my kind of movie, at first. But it wasn't too graphic with an original execution with only minor goofy decisions.

I would have appreciated additional retribution but the story was neat and tidy, so that would have made the production way too long.

The actors and actresses were pretty good. Mom's character was unrealistic but I guess that was just part of our protagonists development into the person she was.

I enjoyed the movie very much.

I was also very surprised to find out that Stevie, actress Emily Hampshire of Schitt's Creek, was playing a major supporting role.

Enjoy!
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The Midnight Man (I) (2016)
10/10
Fantastic!
29 August 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I really liked this movie. So many features have no end. They just stop or run out of money or ideas or they're so artsy I don't get it. And that is frustrating. I prefer the old way, when the good guy got the girl and came out on top!

You get that and so much more with "The Midnight Man"!

Although you can't call the protagonist in this film the good guy. He's far from that. But you will root for him to win!

And somehow, with all his flaws, it's right that he prevails.

I highly recommend this movie.

We were trying to see the other film of the same name released in 2016 but were presented with this instead.

I truly feel we lucked out!

Open your mind and give it a go!

You'll thank me if you like a fast paced movie with enough twists to keep you guessing.
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Speak No Evil (2022)
1/10
Ludicrously Weak and Disappointing Writing
28 August 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Maybe the filmmakers were attempting to indict the Danish people as a whole, especially the males, as passive and unable to form a coherent thought.

First the Danish family drive eight hours with their pre-adolescent daughter to spend the weekend with a Dutch couple and son they briefly met at a resort who were particularly charismatic. Ridiculous.

They go and almost immediately begin to get bad vibes. Then they leave their child with the Dutch folks' babysitter of whom they had zero knowledge. Unlikely.

Of course they completely trust the Dutch. There are many opportunities for the Dutch to take advantage of the Danes but they don't.

Finally, the Dutch get too scary and the Danes pack up and head out in the middle of the night, only to immediately return to fetch a forgotten stuffed animal. Here they are cornered and browbeaten into staying. Silly and passive.

The Dutch continue make them totally uncomfortable, but they bed down again! Danish dad then has a little walkabout the property and finds a trove of luggage, scads of creepy pics and cameras, possessions of travelers AND finds the Dutch's murdered son so the Danes realize they need to run for their lives.

Of course, after successfully getting away for a second time AND refueling, he allows himself to be run off the road AND get stuck with the Dutch couple's henchman creepily observing from a distance.

The passive Danes make zero efforts to extricate themselves, such as rocking the vehicle, pushing while the other parent tries to drive it out, shove something beneath the tires, push it off the jack, etc. The Danish husband abandons his family to go for help. He gives up looking and finds his family abducted!?! Duh!

Then he's magically reunited with his family who are unaware but he already knows the plan is for the Dutch couple to kill them and keep their daughter as their own. He does nothing but try to keep his family calm. The henchman holds Danish mom while the Dutch lady cuts the daughter's tongue out with scissors. To prevent dad from intervening he is simply punched and begins to cry.

The daughter is removed and the Dutch couple drive the Danish couple to a quarry and order them to strip naked, which they do. Then the Dutch couple stone them to death. The only weapon ever brandished to these people is the scissors! They didn't even try to run.

Before being murdered Danish dad asks, "why"? Dutch dude says, "because you let me".

Either this was intentionally making some derogatory comment on the state of Danish people or this writing was criminally incompetent and lazy!

Please don't waste your time. It just rolls along with the threat of imminent torture porn. Fortunately in the end there's only a stoning, but how weak! I mean, no, I don't ever want to be in this situation but I would like to think I would attempt to remove their eyes with my fingernails or something. Or run and dodge the stones.

RUN!
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Harrow: Actus Reus (2018)
Season 1, Episode 1
7/10
Not Bad
3 June 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Heavy on the male stereotypes sucking. As stated previously, the current generation would be much less likely to have fostered at all if unpresent fathers caused addiction and suicide. But it does remove responsibility for this behavior. How convenient.

He had no choice butt to pull the rug from under his daughter. And now we have to keep watching to see if he's the second coming of Dexter.

The sailing angle is very kule. Makes one wonder if the trip will be a constant threat that may never happen unless the series end.

And what's with all the single mothers!?!

To watch Australian television one would think no marriages last.

And their presentation of males makes it seem appropriate.
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Die Hart (2023)
10/10
All Hart
17 March 2023
This was great!

I never disliked anything about Kevin Hart, I just avoided him because he seemed way over exposed!

He's in everything, and now with others who are over exposed such as the Rock!

I think it's fantastic when a big name (and maybe big ego, I don't know the man) makes a film that spoofs themselves!

Kevin Hart puts it all out there, in this film and by golly this script delivers!

Bravo and well done!

The cast is outrageous! They are all wonderful!

Josh HARTnett is a great touch.

Travolta! My goodness! This is why we've always loved you, Sir!

This is good enough to watch again and I find few shows worthy.

Maybe I will try the series!

Thanks Kevin and all involved for a masterful distraction!
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Hold the Dark (2018)
I Guess I am Too Stupid to get it!
27 January 2023
Warning: Spoilers
There were some very good names in this production. I hoped my faith in them would prove correct.

There were very high production values. Alaska's sweeping vistas were excellent as was the foreboding atmosphere.

It was a fairly creepy story, my favorite. But it was all plot holes!

The guy indiscriminately murders every and anyone in sight, except everyone who still has a part to play in a nothing story. Then they may be wiped out suddenly, after we care about them.

Maybe it's about a guy reconnecting with his estranged daughter while his temporary sidekick is forever prevented from ever even meeting his unborn daughter.

It SUX!

Hopefully you read this review and move on. It's silly and nothing happens and less is explained or makes any sense.

No stars because it's stupid.
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4/10
I Don't Know
8 January 2023
This is bizarre.

And ridiculous.

She keeps constantly trusting anyone for no reason and they often predictably mess her over.

And then, of course, telling anyone who will listen about her revenge plot, including the target's family!?!

I am on the second episode and the clear assumption that everyone the protagonist ever meets always has her best interests at heart is ludicrous.

Other reviews suggests that the ending of the season is disappointing. That would not be a surprise.

I feel there are many reasons many "Hollywood" projects have endings that most "folks" do not care for. Is it because they are ignorant rubes or that Hollywood is full of pompous fools.

Correct, the latter.
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Grimcutty (2022)
1/10
1 Star for the effort
11 December 2022
This starts off intriguing. Leaves questions hanging on half the movie about what took place in the beginning its resolution.

Cartoonish cgi. Very woke premise. Silly ridiculous decisions, constantly. Parents are usually able to keep track of their children especially if there are strange occurrences non-stop.

The Good News is that after sitting through the entire cinematic spectacle we can rest assured that everything is going to be alright and the new generations have got this!

Complete idiotic drivel I should have turned off twenty minutes in and found something else to watch.

Like paint drying.
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10/10
That's How I Remember It!
13 November 2022
Warning: Spoilers
HaHaHa!

All kidding aside, that was wonderfully fun! Apparently there were some kernels of truth in the basis for the movie, thank you for those.

He parodied so many stereotypes of fame, fortune and Rock n Roll! The best for me was the Jim Morrison send up! Fantastic! Madonna, too! Just like her to use him up and have him assassinated!

AL, you've done it again, Sir!

Thank You so much!

Never stop, the world would be lost without your talent and creativity.

Maybe a movie sending up some more Hollywood folks is due? Especially if you can remain close to the middle of the road.

I hope the credit song does get you that Oscar!
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Mortal (2020)
Idiotic Ending
24 August 2022
Extremely disappointing. There was no purpose. I guess they ran out of ideas and used a left wing stereotype cliche to bring an end to what was an interesting ride.

Don't waste your time on this unless they bring out a better ending. How will you know? You already know they won't because they think this is a good ending.

What garbage!
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Senior Year (2022)
10/10
Watch This Movie!
21 May 2022
This was much more than expected.

Woke and an indictment against it, unintentionally.

Rebel looked and acted very well!

If you have any inclination to, Watch it, It's fun!

Great supporting cast. Lots of snarkiness.
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Awful, Awful, Awful!
15 May 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Artsy garbage at it's!

Why no resolution or explanation for why? You never even know who!?!

How silly to go through only to be forcibly relocated?

And a group of antogonists that commit trespassing, torture, kidnapping, for what?

Seriously, watch but expect only a moment of entertainment and an hour of ridiculocity.
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7/10
Good Enough!
3 April 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Hey! So it's a somewhat formulaic redemption movie where the pimp turns out to be the not so bad guy and the rich, fat cats get theirs in the end!

Who cares? It's a fun romp.
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Moonfall (2022)
9/10
Great Hollywood Yarn!
3 April 2022
Warning: Spoilers
It's no more unrealistic than a Marvel movie!

It was great fun! Suspend disbelief and enjoy the ride. It was similar to other movies, yes. Did it have cliches and everything happens a the very last possible second, yes! But it did have a not sad ending.

Let's see the sequel!

C'Ya!
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The Wave (2019)
8/10
Really Cool Movie!
21 March 2022
This was a really fun movie. I really like most of the actors and this was a neat script they seemed to get into. I really need to watch it again.

Lots of twists. Not typical Hollywood.
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10/10
I Want More!
21 March 2022
Excellent! Jenny Slate acted wonderfully!

Charlie day is always fun!

This is a rare movie I will watch again at the drop of a hat!

It had everything a good movie needs. Hollywood should shut up and take a lesson.

I would have liked more ending but it wasn't necessary.
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Motherly (2021)
3/10
Waste of time
21 February 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Watch this during the next pandemic when they quit making new garbage.

Honestly, mom protects murderous child until child murders her.

Now no one is left to protect child. Mom, you wasted your life and got additional people killed.

Entertaining?

Nope!
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