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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023)
Ugly, annoying, and unfunny.
The only reason I went to see this was because it had high scores on Rotten Tomatoes. After watching the film, however, I went to Metacritic and saw that scores were far less glowing. I don't know if I'll trust RT anymore after this.
For the record, I was never a fan of TMNT. (Nothing against it, I just never got into the franchise.) Also, I'm willing to concede that this is a kids film, and if kids enjoy it, then my criticisms are moot because their opinion is all that matters. That being said, I hated this movie. I actually considered walking out about 20 minutes in because I felt like I wouldn't miss anything important. (I was right.)
The art style is ugly, and the "humor" is annoying and aggressively unfunny, with constant pop culture references, meta-humor, and even an unnecessary gross-out gag that goes on for way too long. The use of otherwise good music in the film is also pretty bad. I'll never understand why they used "Ante Up", one of the hypest songs in existence, in a scene where the turtles are mostly sneaking around. (The mere inclusion of an ODB song in a kids movie is pretty based, though.)
On the plus side, the voice acting is fine, and the animation is competent, even though it doesn't have the vibrancy or flair that the Spider-Verse movies do.
I remember thinking, before I even considered seeing this movie, that if animation ever got to the point where it started to look as drab and boring as certain live-action films (Venom, Morbius, recent MCU and DC movies), then we should just call it quits right now. I had no idea a movie like that would actually come out this year, let alone in my life time.
Avoid.
Prey (2022)
Not bad, but could've been better
I watched it last night, and I'm somewhere in the middle. On one hand, I love the fact that it's short (90 mins. Exactly, not counting credits); it's well-paced, and spends all of its time building up the threat that is the Predator. It's also very well directed, with great cinematography and fun action scenes. This director is definitely one to watch.
I also like the premise; I've always been kind of interested in Native American people and their culture, so it was cool to see them as central characters in a movie like this. It's also nice to see another female-led action movie, as there aren't a whole lot of them and there really should be more.
On the other hand, the whole trope of "woman proving herself in male-dominated society" is played out and predictable, so there's very little suspense as to how the movie will end. In fact, there's a moment where the main character is asked why she wants to hunt, and she says, "Because you all believe that I can't." (The movie actually ends with her becoming an official hunter, and she turns to look at a little girl who I assume is now inspired by her. Such self-congratulatory BS...)
I also hated how the Predator dies. Long story short, the Predator, one of a feared race of deadly hunters, had to be momentarily stupid so the protagonist can win. I hate it when movies do this...
Overall, I would put this film in the "meh" category, as there are good things in here, but there's also too much bad stuff to be overlooked.
(Side note: one could actually interpret the main character as bad person considering her desire to prove herself gets several members of her tribe killed.)
Ms. Marvel (2022)
Symptom of a directionless MCU
First off, I don't think this show is all bad. The characters are charming and likeable, and there are good bits of humor sprinkled throughout. There are also several moments of earnest and sincere emotion that I found refreshing in an MCU product (especially after watching Thor: Love and Thunder). The showrunners clearly cared a lot about the characters and their culture/history.
The problem, however, is in the writing. The plot is an absolute mess. In the finale, for example, characters who've had zero importance to the plot just randomly show up out of nowhere to help Kamala. In the rest of the show, one character suddenly gets superpowers, there's time travel, a secret society of ninjas (basically), the main villain's arc is resolved in the penultimate episode, the list goes on. (Not to mention, the show at one point turns into a straight-up historical drama.) It's all over the place and makes little to no sense.
What's worse is how the show tries to tie in other MCU properties. Apparently, Kamala's bangle is somehow tied to the Ten Rings, and in the final scene of the show, her friend Bruno tells her that she's able to use the bangle not because she's a djinn, but because she's a mutant. If that wasn't enough, in the mid-credits scene, Kamala transforms into Carol Danvers!
Honestly, all this is starting to give me a headache. One of the things I appreciated about Moon Knight was how little it was connected to the rest of the MCU. It felt like its own thing, and you didn't have to watch a whole bunch of other movies/TV shows for it to make sense.
To be fair, I thought the directing was pretty solid throughout the whole show, but it would've worked much better as a 2-hour film, as a lot of it felt like filler, like they were desperately trying to find ways to justify the 50-minute runtime for each episode. (It's also worth noting that the total amount of time Kamala spends using her powers is less than the length of one episode. She doesn't even officially become Ms. Marvel until the finale. I guess it's my fault for expecting more superhero action in a superhero show...)
Overall, as entertaining as the characters are, it's not enough to save this loud, colorful mess of a show. I don't know where the MCU is headed, but if this is any indication, I don't think the creators do either.
Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
Nothingburger: A Star Wars Story
Honestly, this show has so little going for it that it's not even worth talking about. The novelty of seeing stars and characters from the prequels isn't enough to justify this show's existence.
Princess Leia has been kidnapped, and Obi-Wan has to save her. Right away, this show has zero stakes: this is a prequel after all, so the characters have to survive to maintain continuity with A New Hope. This is probably the dullest Star Wars-related thing that has ever been produced. There is so little emotion, humor, or energy that it's almost sleep inducing. The fight scenes are awkward, and the overuse of shaky cam only makes them worse. Ewan McGregor tries his best, but he can only do so much with what he's given.
I could go on, but as I said, it's really not worth it. If you like the prequels, go watch the prequels. Even if you don't, you'll get a lot more out of it than watching this.
Men (2022)
So, um... Yeah.
I consider myself a fan of Alex Garland. I thought his last two films, Ex Machina and Annihilation, were both great, and I was looking forward to seeing what his latest film, Men, would be like. The trailers were pretty intriguing: it looked like a kind of artsy psychological horror, and the fact that all of the townspeople the female lead encounters are played by the same guy was very interesting as well.
The story centers on a woman named Harper (Jessie Buckley) going on a retreat to the English countryside after the recent death of her husband. She stays in a home owned by a guy named Geoffrey (Rory Kinnear) who seems like a nice, quirky guy, if slightly creepy. Things go well for a while until Harper finds herself being stalked by a naked man (Rory Kinnear) and has troubling encounters with the townspeople (all played by Rory Kinnear).
First off, the cinematography is excellent. The movie is well aware of the beauty of its setting and never hesitates to show it off. (One scene is actually a montage of scenery shots set to lovely piano music.) The sound design also adds to the film's beauty. There's a scene where Harper is walking through the rain, and the combined sound and visuals are surprisingly soothing. Even more so is a moment where Harper is standing in a tunnel just listening to the sounds of the water dripping inside. It's probably the closest I've come to experiencing ASMR in a movie theater.
While I did enjoy the relaxing nature of the film's first act, it is a horror movie after all, so I knew this calmness was not going to last. Sure enough, the film slowly starts to build tension and paranoia regarding Geoffrey and the other townspeople, and we learn more about Harper's relationship with her husband and how it's impacted her. Unfortunately, I didn't feel that her and her husbands relationship had any real depth to it: he was abusive to her, and when she filed for divorce he threatened to kill himself. That's it. I felt she was 100% innocent, but I could understand her feeling a sense of guilt and responsibility for what happened. (The film is purposely vague on whether her husband killed himself intentionally or by accident.)
What I didn't understand was what Geoffrey or the other townspeople had to do with anything. We learn later on that Geoffrey, the naked man, and the other townspeople are all one person/thing/whatever, but the film mostly keeps you in the dark about his/their/its obsession with Harper. While I was mostly captivated by the film, I couldn't help but feel a bit frustrated with how it goes on for so long without giving a single clue as to what the hell is going on. Also, while I completely empathized with Harper, I never really felt that her life was in danger. I felt more that this thing that was stalking her was more of a nuisance than a threat to her life, which made it hard to really care about the conflict between the two.
And then came the birth scene.
As I said earlier, I was getting frustrated with how the film continuously strings you along regarding the thing's obsession with Harper, but when this scene happened, I was honestly ready to walk out of the theater. I'm sure there are deeper layers of metaphor that I missed, but for the most part what I saw was a woman going on a temporary reprieve from a traumatic experience and a guy/thing being creepy to her for no apparent reason. I was trying my best to understand the film, but I felt that it wasn't giving me enough to really sink my teeth into, and once the naked man started giving birth to himself over and over again, I just gave up. I didn't care anymore. I tried my best, but obviously this film is too "smart" for me. (Not to mention there isn't enough eye bleach in the world that will make me unsee this.)
In all fairness, the birthings do stop and a sort-of answer is provided as to what this thing is and why it's obsessed with Harper, and it does add an extra layer to the story, but by this point it doesn't really matter. The conflict is still essentially the same, and this extra layer is unnecessary.
Overall, it's a solidly directed film with strong performances, great cinematography, and an excellent score, but it lacks a strong conflict and is ruined by a self-indulgent, tonally inconsistent ending. I still think Alex Garland is a great director, and I look forward to his next film, but I hope it's a lot better than this.
Free Guy (2021)
Half-Good, Half-Bad
PROS:
1. Ryan Reynolds is fun and funny as always
2. Lots of great jokes and pop culture references
3. An interesting concept
4. Great climax
5. Fun action scenes
CONS:
1. Pretty much everything to do with the real-world characters is boring and badly-written.
2. Taika Watiti's character is the most annoying human being in the history of the universe.
3. The real-world characters talk like they're in a bad Law & Order episode.
4. The real-world scenes feel like they were written by people who don't play video games and have a less-than-basic understanding of gamer culture.
5. There were some moments that felt ridiculous and unrealistic, even for a movie like this.
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
A sad end to what should've been a great trilogy
This film has gotten wrongly accused of ruining the sequel trilogy, and it seems like the people who've made such a claim have praised the previous film, The Last Jedi. In truth, if there's a culprit to be found, look no further than there.
This movie had absolutely everything going against it:
1) The Last Jedi completely decimating the entire foundation of this trilogy (The Force Awakens), and thus destroying whatever goodwill Lucasfilm (and Disney, by consequence) had built up so far
2) Carrie Fisher's death
3) One of the co-writers being the same guy who co-wrote Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice and Justice League, two poorly-reviewed superhero films
4) The script got leaked online
Because of The Last Jedi, Rise of Skywalker had the thankless task of re-establishing a foundation for this trilogy and concluding the trilogy in the same film. Unfortunately, it doesn't cut the mustard.
The movie's plot is basically a long fetch quest: the Resistance has to find a thing that will help them find a thing that will help them find Palpatine, who has "somehow" returned.
A lot of things from the previous film have been either retconned, ignored entirely, or explained with random throwaway lines, such as Kylo's helmet being restored, Rey's lightsaber being broken, where Snoke came from, Luke being a crabby old hermit, Darth Vader's helmet, etc. Also, the movie introduces some really dumb things with little to no explanation, such as a Force dyad, an underground Sith cult, "light speed skipping", etc.
For all the movie's many flaws, however, I must admit that I got pretty invested during the climax. From Rey and Kylo fighting on the wreckage of the (2nd) Death Star to the big group hug at the end, I actually found myself enjoying the film. There are brief moments of introspection that I wish there were more of, and the action scenes were pretty well-done as well; I cheered when the cavalry showed up during the final battle. Also, Ian McDiarmid overdelivers as Palpatine, and his scenes are by far the best parts of the movie.
As much as I enjoyed the climax, it's a shame that the rest of the film wasn't up to snuff. I guess that what happens when you put incompetent people in charge of a multi-billion-dollar franchise. I binge-watched this trilogy once Rise of Skywalker came out on Blu-Ray, and I think it's safe to say that the people in charge of Star Wars had absolutely no idea what they were doing. Unfortunately, even with The Mandalorian, that doesn't seem to have changed.
If only competent people, people with a vision who care about their fans, were in charge of this franchise...
Disaster Movie (2008)
The single worst movie I have ever seen.
I hesitate to even call it a movie, as it would be an insult to movies.
To be fair, I knew this movie was bad. I heard the reviews, but I wanted to see it anyway just to know if it was actually as bad as people said.
It is. Every single, solitary second of it.
I want to forget this movie exists. If there was a way to make everyone forget this movie exists and wipe it clean of the face of the earth, then let it be done. You will gain nothing from watching this film. You will lose brain cells. It is a blight on humanity, and I'm appalled that the directors of this filth continued to make movies after this. They should never direct another film as long as they live.
Avoid this like the plague.
Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn (2020)
Enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would!
This movie hit all the right buttons for me: it's fun, funny, over-the-top, with great action scenes and likable characters. Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn is easily the best thing in the movie. Every scene she's in is gold.
As much as I like this film, it's not perfect. The scenes that don't feature Harley Quinn weren't nearly as interesting, and Ewan McGregor is fun but not very believable as the main villain. The scenes also feel a bit disjointed at times. For example, there's this big action scene where Harley Quinn takes out a bunch of cops, and then afterwards, the film goes back to explain why this scene is happening, and the flashback goes on for a long time.
Another minor nitpick: this is very much a Harley Quinn movie and, despite the movie's attempt to develop their characters, the Birds of Prey feel completely secondary by the end. Yet for some reason, this movie is called Birds Of Prey with Harley Quinn being given a subtitle. Why didn't they just call it Harley Quinn & The Birds Of Prey right from the start? Makes no sense.
It's a shame this movie didn't do well at the box office. I enjoyed it and would definitely recommend it to others.
Gretel & Hansel (2020)
Boring and Not Scary
When I saw the trailer for this movie, I was intrigued. It looked like a scary, unique take on the classic fairy tale. Turns out, it was neither scary nor unique; it was almost 90 minutes of build-up that amounted to nothing.
The film's "unique" take is to tell the story from Gretel's point of view (hence the title). Here, she's a developing teenager, and her brother, Hansel, is a kid that she has to take care of. As in the original story, they stumble upon the witch's house, and she invites them in and shows them hospitality while concealing her true intentions. It is here, though, that Gretel learns that she too has witch powers, and the witch takes a greater interest in her. The witch convinces her that her brother is a hindrance to her growth as a witch and forces her to watch him be cooked in front of her. However, Gretel uses her powers to kill the witch and save her brother, only to then send him back to the woods as she stays in the witch's house to develop her powers.
I really wanted this to be good. The cinematography is great, but that alone doesn't make a great film. You need relatable characters and a compelling story, and unfortunately this one has neither. Also, for a film that's under 90 minutes, it sure has a number of unnecessary elements. There's a black guy that kills a zombie (I'm guessing), and after a short scene immediately afterwards, he is never seen or mentioned again. There's also a story about a little girl that has some importance to one of the characters, but it has very little importance to the overall story.
I had a real problem with the film's ending. I feel it would have made more sense if Hansel was the same age as Gretel. Hansel is still a kid, yet he is ousted from the house by Gretel and left to fend for himself. And we're supposed to empathize with her? Congratulations, Gretel! You get to stay in a nice house and become a witch while your little brother likely starves alone out in the woods or gets eaten by animals! Great job!
Overall, it's a great-looking film, but that's all it has going for it. It's boring, not scary, and just generally not very good. Would not recommend.