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richardkam
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Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (2016)
Tim Burton ruined by Benny Hill, starring Time-loops
Summary: slow ( sometimes too slow) deliberate set up, keeping viewer in suspense, ruined by last third where Benny Hill takes over the studio.
In the first 2/3 of the film, Mr. Burton does a decent job setting up the characters, (spoiler) the teenager who travels to Wales to discover the secret behind his grandad's death, leading to the discovery of a bunch of hidden away peculiar kids cared for by schoolmistress, Miss Peregrine, who, despite being central to the film's title, doesn't contribute much towards the film's plot at all. The lead villain, token black guy in an all white fairy-tale movie, Samuel L Jackson as Baron, is given free rein to ham it up for the paycheck, but from the point that Mr. Jackson says ' I was in Florida for 3 weeks disguised as a female counselor'..that's when I knew a certain British king of Comedy was due his royalties...
Fortunately this moment only happens 2/3 the way through the film, but when you see kids throwing snowballs, and candyfloss at invisible monsters jumping through time-loops staged to 90's dance/rave music of the Blackpool fairground, everything that Mr Burton worked so hard to set up was ruined, in my opinion. My guess is this was also the point 'the studio' should have stepped in and announced 'all that's missing is a Benny Hill soundtrack'.
Other notes: the teenager is American, so why cast cockney/ posh ( his accent kept flitting between the two) English actor Terence Stamp as his grandad? If anything, it would have been more authentic to make the grandad Welsh, and the teenage kid's dad also a welsh immigrant, instead of stereotypical out-and-out Yankee loudmouth.
Jue ji (2016)
complete and utter crap
I kept checking IMDb for reviews for this but lo and behold, none. So that makes mine the first review. Which also makes me the first sucker to review this on IMDb, despite advance negative press for this film. Firstly I'd like to let you know that I didn't spend good money on this film but my god what a turdcrap it was. Where to begin? As can be seen from the trailers, it's overpaid and underwhelming Chinese super-stars dressed up from head to toe in CGI. I wasn't sure whether I was watching the next Final Fantasy installment, or why i was watching Final Fantasy on the big screen in 3D.
The 3D ( surprise surprise) added nothing to the lack of story, and because the effects were so cheaply done ( see my final fantasy metaphor), And the acting? What from these lame-o characterless, dull, Chinese stars who are too busy looking expressionless, and assuming Japanese manga-style poses? Let's just say that the CGI made it even worse ( if that's even possible ) I have absolutely no idea, how this film got made, but from one Chinese movie fan, to another, please, don't waste your time.
La tortue rouge (2016)
overrated pretentious crap
It's BFI time and all the luvvies are lining up to gush about this pretentious collaboration between some bloke who made an Oscar winning animation short in 2000, and Ghibli , who apparently chased and begged him to make this turd-fest. Why, no idea. Firstly this is a ghibli collaboration but there's no sign of any artistic mark that is recognizably ghibli. Usually ghibli has small comical moments but aside from the scuttling crabs and the big dead turtle, there is no similarity. And that's because this Oscar nominated director got us to sit through his (spoiler) boring tale about a guy on a desert island persuaded to stay after falling in love with a turtle who transforms into a woman, then back into a turtle again after he dies of old age.
Having to endure the 'castaway' cliché ( Tom hanks film circa 2000) again was just a waste of time. There's nothing original or heartfelt about this film, except that maybe commentary on how women ensnare men to have children and once the child is sent out, men have expired their 'use'. But in this film, the man is the one who could have escaped, but like an idiot, chooses to stay with the turtle who traps him on the island after he has bonked it on the head, for sabotaging his attempts to escape the island.
So, its his own stupid fault.
Watching this was a waste of 80min of my life, but hopefully, not yours.