Hexecutioner Reviews

The Humanity Bureau (2017)

Cage is not deserving of such low budget films

[1/10 · 18 November 2017]

The idea is brilliant - it is entirely possible that in the near or not-so-near future (the way things stand at this time) that there may be such a Humanity Bureau as an official government agency. This has been prophesied recently by other releases e.g. "What Happened to Wednesday".

It does not warrant Nicolas Cage starring in such low-budget crap though. An absolute travesty and short of criminal. Cage is a good actor and mustn't be associated with rubbish like this. Vicellous Shannon is funny and should be given his own comedy show or something.

The whole production team incl. scriptwriters and Rob King should either be given bigger budgets or not be allowed anywhere near film production. The film is not even watchable at the best of times and frankly, my 5-year-old can make a better film with an iPhone and a 10-year-old laptop.

Don't waste your money or your time with this film.

Shot Caller (2017)

Heavy. Intriguing. Surprising. Worth watching

[8/10 · 26 July 2017]

Unexpectedly, this is one of the better films released this year and is definitely worth watching.

Albeit the story-line seems rather dull and predictable at first, I assure you that past the 20min mark you'll be on edge and glued to the screen right to the end.

Some of the acting could have been much better considering the actors caliber but the story-line makes up for the shortfall.

Without spoiling it for you, it will take balls to watch this film to the harsh, brutal and twisted end. Definitely not for the faint of heart.

Would love to see a second installment.

Agent (I) (2017)

They tried ...

[3/10 · 26 July 2017]

Watched the trailer and wasn't very impressed but curiosity got the better of me.

It's not a complete disaster after all if you, just like me expect a C-List movie. This is more of a B-list and to be honest I have definitely seen much worse.

The acting came across as stale and forced but at least they tried.

The story line is as fresh as fresh fish, but if there is nothing else to watch & you have some time to kill, or need something to run in the background while you cook, this is for you.

Let's hope the next Derek Ting film is better.

Courier X (2016)

This movie wants to be more

[3/10 · 23 December 2016]

Where to start?

This movie should rank somewhere at the top of B-rated movies. If you have nothing else to watch at the time, or just want some background noise while cooking, this is what you put on.

To be fair, it does start off rather well with some good acting. The first 30mins are mildly entertaining, but then it just flops. It fails to follow through and deliver when it really matters. It's dull past 45mins and definitely not something you would watch on the big screen unless you into REALLY dull movies.

Switching over to the weather channel without pausing wouldn't make you feel that you've missed much.

It just wants to be more ... shame it's not

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016)

This is not a Potter movie ...

[9/10 · 23 December 2016]

If you actually expect a Harry Potter movie, then you're bugger out of luck. This isn't a Harry Potter movie and if you want Harry Potter, you should bugger off home and watch Harry Potter on DVD or read a Harry Potter book.

On the other hand, if you're expecting to go to the cinema, have a laugh and come out feeling good, then you need to see this. There I was with a bag of mixed feelings in my right hand and some popcorn in the other hand before watching this, not knowing whether this would be a flop or a masterpiece. Alas, I was not disappointed and neither will you, unless of course you're expecting a Harry Potter movie in which case refer to paragraph one.

Wonderful characters, a great plot and some good ol' British humour mixed in. Typical of J.K. Rowling is the twist at the end. Now who would have thought you can have a happy ending and a not-so-happy ending at the same time?! It's a welcome break from the worn out, predictable, Dan Brown-type nonsense we have been exposed to for for far too long.

This is a highly entertaining, light-hearted movie you watch with mates, your significant other or your significant others (i.e. your family). Definitely worth it.

Arrival (II) (2016)

Likely not so likely

[4/10 · 23 December 2016]

The age-old first contact question: what if/when there is first contact?

If you're an Independence Day type of person, then this movie is not for you. It will bore you to death. Even if you're an X-Files type of person, this movie is not for you. In fact, you'll be screaming for a refund at the end, if not half-way through.

"We will need your help in 3000 years" my backside. Now here is a bunch of aliens, who can see the future but come to earth to teach humanity alien lingo so humanity can save the exact same aliens in 3000 years time? All of this without leaving co-ordinates or blueprints for a spaceship. How the hell is humanity supposed to find this alien planet or get there for that matter without co-ordinates and a spaceship? We can't even get to Mars and back. At least humanity speaks alien lingo now and there is world peace. Wow. Seriously?!

The script-writers should be sent to the north pole as punishment for this nonsense. They can take Dan Brown with them.

However, if you're curious about a slightly different take on first contact with aliens, then best wait for the DVD and watch it right after watching a full season of 80's episodes of Star Trek.

Credit to the director and crew for the effort.

Trolls (2016)

Worth every penny

[8/10 · 23 December 2016]

If you are not sure whether you like this or don't like this, then please crawl back under that rock you crawled out of and find your spine.

This is a Merry Poppins type movie with trolls - not just entertaining but morally educational too, for children and adults alike. It's just a great watch. The idea is original, the singing and music are uplifting, and the plot is great.

Money well spent to watch this on the big screen and money well spent for the DVD. It's refreshing and it's one of those movies you can watch a few times without getting bored of it.

This movie deserves a better rating. Everyone involved in making this movie deserves an Oscar.

Full stop.

Inferno (I) (2016)

The Da Vinci Code again. No, wait it's a different movie?

[3/10 · 23 December 2016]

Just watching the first 20mins of this film and you can predict with reasonable certainty how everything will unfold right to the end.

The inherent problem with Dan Brown novels is that once you read one of them, you don't need to read the rest. Same thing here: if you've watched The Da Vinci Code and/or Angels & Demons, you don't really need to watch this.

Shame really because Tom Hanks deserves so much more than a Dan Brown story-line, and you have to give credit to the team who made something out of nothing, literally. Especially deserving is Ron Howard and I am certain had it not been for Ron, this would have been the greatest flop of all time, not just this side of the millennium.

To be frank, Dan Brown should just retire to the North Pole and stay there along with his publishers who should know better than to publish anything after The Da Vinci Code.

To sum it all up, this is not worth watching on the big screen. Getting it on DVD/Amazon/Netflix will do if you just want to pass time.

Generation Um... (2012)

Pointless

[2/10 · 23 December 2016]

Keanu Reeves has starred is some terrible movies before, but none worse than this. In fact, the only good thing about this movie is that Keanu Reeves is in it. That's it.

How this movie made it to release is beyond understanding. How this movies make it to DVD is beyond understanding too. What a waste of good blank DVD's.

If my dog made a movie diary about it's life without Keanu starring, it would have been BY FAR a better movie.

The director should be made to work on a tin-can production line for at least 5 years as punishment, and the script-writers should be imprisoned on charges of Vandalism and Assault (if not worse), and serve the sentences consecutively.

Atrocious is the best word to describe this. A complete waste of talent, a complete waste of space, a complete waste of money, but above all a complete waste of time. Your time. My time. Everyone's time.

If you respect yourself a little even, then steer clear of this no-movie.

The Marine 4: Moving Target (2015 Video)

About 1hr 20mins too long ...

[1/10 · 23 December 2016]

A great gift for someone ... if you really dislike that person.

The acting is atrocious. The producers and directors should be shot on sight. Your average 5-year-old would make a better movie in a day using a 2MP camera phone.

You're better off watching a blank screen or even paint dry to be honest. In fact, you may find yourself suicidal 30mins into this movie. It's not even suitable for background noise for the sake of background noise.

Probably the worst movie made this side of the century

Makes a perfect birthdays gift for that nasty mother-in-law or a cheating ex or a nuisance neighbor.

Dark by Noon (2013)

Potentially great, but ...

[4/10 · 23 December 2016]

The complexity of this story-line would not be easy even for Hollywood's greatest and at times throughout the film the team actually manage to deliver a great result.

However, as a whole this is one of those movies you wouldn't watch a second time. Although it may provoke your curiosity, that's about as far as it will go and you wouldn't watch it a second time, full stop. The director certainly has a case to answer here. This movie just drags, and drags, and drags, and drags some more. Seriously, who pulls a gun on someone seemingly disposable only not to pull the trigger, when on previous occasions that same character is ruthless in executing disposables with a bullet to the head? This can be observed throughout the movie: people pointing guns at each other and for seemingly unknown/unapparent reasons not pulling the trigger, dragging the whole scene out like someone pulling gum out of their mouth in slow motion.

Special effects: 7.5 / 10 Acting: 5.5 / 10 Director: 2 / 10 Editor: 4 /10 Audio Technicians: 4 / 10

To put it bluntly: if I were watching this on the big screen, I would ask for a refund half way through.