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dylanmortiz
Reviews
Sea of Thieves (2018)
Griefers make this game unplayable
Looking to do quests with your friends? Just getting started? Not familiar with the game? Do you want to enjoy yourself?
Then do not look here. This game is filled with griefers and there is no way to play without them. If you are new to the game, you will not have a chance against those who devote their time ruining the game for others.
If you want to relax with your friends and do quests, you will likely not have a chance when three different player squads come by to screw everything up.
Don't know why a private server option is not available. You should give players the option to only play against AI. It is impossible to get into this game against players who have not left the game since the beginning.
Other than the griefers, literally everything else about this game is terrific. Environments are beautiful. Enemy AI are surprising and not too bad to deal with. Quests are fun. But those griefers will ruin your time.
Fast X (2023)
Turn your brain off
Is this movie realistic? No. Is it overly dramatic? Yes. Are there oscar winning performances? No.
I feel that some are taking these movies wayyyyy too seriously. You're not watching the finest of Stanley Kubrick. You're watching the Vin Diesel superhero show. And you get exactly that.
The secret to enjoying fast and furious? I'll give it to you right here: TURN YOUR BRAIN OFF. None of it is going to make sense. Over the years, this franchise has only gotten more bombastic and over-the-top. But the ensemble cast works well together, we can poke fun at the ridiculous and absurd nature of the action, and the only question that will make you tear your hair out is "how did we get here?" Because that's the whole point. How did we get from grizzly undercover street racing to stopping bombs rolling down streets with cars? No one knows, and you don't really have to. It's stupid, and it's silly, and it's fun.
So do yourself a favor, don't think too hard about it, sit back, relax, watch some cars, watch some action, watch some beautiful people, and laugh at how ridiculous this thing is. And for the love of Brian O'Conner, stop expecting these movies to be more than what they are because you WILL be disappointed.
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023)
The fastest two hours of your life
I thought this movie was going to be pretty long for an animated film. From the time you sit down to the time the movie ends, you will be wondering how it ended so soon.
I was invested in this film from the first scene and never felt like the pacing was slow or the film dragged. This movie had so much to live up to after a stellar first outing in Into the Spiderverse. I feel this movie lived up to those expectations, and in several cases, even exceeded those expectations, outdoing the first in many aspects.
This movie is well-paced, action-packed, and filled with likeable characters. The animation alone is incredibly dynamic, serving as a by-product of the characters they represent, which keeps this film beautifully refreshing and appealing to the eyes.
The only problem with this film is that it left me wanting more. Don't take that the wrong way, as there is still plenty substance here to sink your teeth into. I was left on the edge of my seat, eagerly anticipating the Spiderverse's next chapter. I hope others feel the same.
After a 5-year hiatus (which was well-worth the wait), one thing seems abundantly clear. Phil Lord and Sony have their finger on the pulse of this franchise, and appear to have a clear understanding of these characters and this universe. What a time to be a fan of Spider-man.
F9 (2021)
The straw that broke the camel's back...
I'm a fan of this franchise. I might even be a super fan. I know the writing is cheesy, the premises are ridiculous, and the action is bombastic, but after a slow buildup of 8 films, I feel like this franchise had finally reached a state where people accept it for what it is: mindless action with sprinkles of emotion and drama. They were originally films you could turn your brain off and still enjoy.
I am at a loss of words. I didn't just turn my brain off, I had a physical headache from watching this film. When a film is written so badly, not even a turned-off brain could make it through, it is a terrible film.
I cannot describe how, but prior to this film, I felt like the writer and the fans were onboard when it came to how a FF Movie should be written. For the first time in 20 years, I feel like the writers literally called the audience stupid. They had a real, "They'll eat whatever garbage we throw at them" attitude. I'm sorry, but the writers took our suspension of disbelief and used it to wipe their butts. Seeing the reviews, I'm glad to see that even fans of one of the most ridiculous franchises of all time have standards.
So no, we will not eat anything you throw at us and love it blindly. We know what this franchise is and we know what to expect. Hopefully a change in writers can fix the damage that has been done right before this saga's climactic end. Maybe consider getting your writer for FF 3-8 back. Who would've thought changing your lead franchise writer of 12 years two movies before the end of your franchise could do so much damage? Oh wait, most people would think this. But apparently not universal studios.
How I Met Your Mother: Legendaddy (2011)
If you were going to be some lame, suburban dad...
This Barney-centric episode is one of my absolute favorite episodes. Perhaps the most caricaturized main cast-member of the show, Neil Patrick Harris flashes his acting chops in a very heartfelt performance.
This show does a great job at slowing down and staying quiet during its more heartfelt moments. The writers know that scenes and episodes like these need room to breath. I appreciate subtle use of laugh-tracks that never overpower scenes that are meant to be pivotal for characters and their growth. This episode is no exception.
If you follow these characters closely over the first 5 seasons, you know most of Barney's problems stem from his abandonment issues. And if you allow yourself to really see how those issues affect not just his life, but the relationships he tries to maintain with his closest friends, then you may also find yourself wanting the same closure Barney is trying to get on his childhood. I think this episode, you see Barney at his most vulnerable and I love it.
Halo: Homecoming (2022)
Why focus on the uninteresting parts of what is already and absymal direction for this show?
I do not think the Kwan Ha storyline is worth the screen time they are allocating to it. As big and expanisve as this universe is, the human rebellion is not the most interesting part of it.
What in Halo's plot, makes it the most interesting? Well if you ask me, it's the mystery. What is this ring world, what does it do, what is the covenant looking for? Etc. So why should we care so much about rebels? So they can paint this image that UNSC bad, rebellion good? Halo is SOOO much bigger than that.
With an enemy as formiddable and ruthless as the covenant, human rebellion should be on the back of everyone's mind, including rebels. The covenant glass planets, commit planetary genocide, all while in pursuit of these ancient artifacts they so clearly misunderstand.
I feel that our jobs, as an audience, is to praise the parts of this show they could be getting right. The closer we get to an actual Halo ring, the better I think the show can become.
The other pain-point of this show is its attempt to hastily and undeservingly humanize spartans. The reason the later direction in the games taken by developers to humanize the master chief is deserved is because enough time has passed for those developments in his character to feel earned.
This show began its story by making spartan humanization a central plot point. This would be good if they were not humanized almost immediately. How can we appreciate the growth if they are already human in the first 20 minutes. It just feels unearned. So far, the entire show has felt unearned. Maybe better things are to come, but boy oh boy have they taken some very clichéd and boring approaches to a franchise so teeming with potential and completely wasted it. How embarrassing.
You could argue that Master Chief's arc of recognizing he is a man, not machine, and that others look to him for hope has been a very important part of his character since 343 took over the franchise. And they have spent 3 games developing that. Many of those developments have felt like they have paid off in Halo infinite. This has taken place of 6 games, you could argue (starting with combat evolved). This television show has decided that 1 episode was enough to completey change how spartans act.
Halo: Emergence (2022)
Still not for halo fans, Still feels unsatisfying in its own right
At this stage, the show may not be redeemable in the eyes of true halo fans, so let's look at it as a sci-fi show, not one about Halo, but just a generic sci-fi show since it seems to not care about taking little to no elements from its apparent source material aside from its name.
This episode is just more dialogue. There are more questions related to the artifact that is seemingly connected to John's past. But none of that gets answered in this episode, making it additional filler.
The addition of a familiar character gives the episode some edge over the other episodes, however, once again, the show has retconned her purpose, abilities, and functionality in order to create something "fresh and new."
This would all be well and good, except for the fact that since this show uses all of these original halo characters, it cannot separate itself from already established lore. If the writers were so dedicated to making an entirely new show, they would have been far better off changing the names of all the characters, changing the name of the show, and marketing it as a mini-soap/space opera rather than Halo. Don't call yourself a show about Halo if you don't plan on respecting most-to-all of the source material.
Much ado about nothing, this episode ends up leaving the audience in a similar, if not more, confused position as the last episode. And at it's absolute worst, I still don't know who this show is for? Halo fans? No. Generic sci-fi fans? Maybe?
The show on its own feels like it is missing some core piece of the story to differentiate itself from other sci-fi tropes. There is a strange space artifact, no one knows what it does and they want to find out, there is another bad faction who wants to get its hands on it (doesn't all that kinda sound like the first Avengers film?), and we get a bit more backstory for a Mowgli type character whose only purpose, at the moment it seems, is to assign a human face to an alien threat (for what reason, I have no clue, when were alien bad guys never enough of an antagonist? Alien, Predator, Thanos, Signs, etc.). Maybe this show will surprise me with what the artifact actually does, just like Bungie did when they revealed Halo's true purpose (iconic), which by the way, would be terrific if they would actually put a Halo ring in this show (they have not, yet). But knowing this writing direction, I'm gonna make a bold guess and say that the artifact will be something boring, like a map to a Halo ring or some other uninspired trope.
There are a lot of moving pieces in the air at the moment. Not sure what the payoffs will be or when they will happen, I just know that if they were settled now, I wouldn't be very impressed because this show is not doing a great job at captivating me.
I'm not gonna completey review bomb this show. I'm trying to maintain some level of reasonability. The reasonability here is that the budget goes a long way for this show. The costumes and set pieces, for the most part, look great. This show would really excel if more action were taking place rather than clichéd and unimaginative dialogue. I do like the way the spartan armor looks. Wish They would wear it more and leave it on.
Halo: Unbound (2022)
So far this show is an expensive nothing-burger
After accepting that this show will do little to nothing to generate excitement from decades-long Halo fans, I am forced to judge this shownon what it is.
This second episode is entirely narrative driven. They are building to something, and I'm not sure what that "something" is as a Halo fan. I've learned to not expect anything I am familiar with out of this show. They seem too eager to create something completely different while trying to cash-in on the names of the characters we grew up to love.
Either way, for a show with as high a budget as this, this episode was rather boring and a let down. I say that as a review of a show that markets itself as sci-fi, suspenseful, and adventurous, not as a show that markets itself as Halo.
So for those who have not played the games, this show is not even close to it. And for those who have, temper your expectations. Even on its own, it has not done much to wow me as a standalone piece of TV.
Halo: Contact (2022)
This show is not for Halo fans
If there is anything clearly apparent from this pilot episode, this show will not please long-time fans of Xbox's 20-year old killer app.
This episode did have a promising opening action sequence. However, it is clear that producers were more than willing to take some characters the fans have known and loved for years and compromise those characters for the sake of unnecessary drama.
The producers have also willingly made a choice to completely alienate a dedicated fan-base in an attempt to reach a wider audience with, what is my opinion, a B-rated version of a franchise that is already beloved by millions. It's almost like this show was written, directed, and produced by a group of people who were given a description of Halo by a 12-year old.
And while I think the show will do a decent job at intriguing those who are completey unfamiliar with the franchise, it's done so at the expense of the fanbase it was built on.
Between a significant (and may I say unnecessary) change to the Covenant, significant changes to the Master Chief as a character, and a major retcon of the history of the Spartan II's for the sake of unprompted characterization, this show is cleary not made for fans by any means.
That being said, it is the first episode, and there is a lot of room for improvement. Don't be mistaken, there were definitely several things I think are great (mainly the look of the Covenant, High Charity, Mjolnir Armor), but I think this show will fail its fanbase with the direction it is currently heading.
I hope 343 and the producers will prove me wrong in the long run. Overall, a very mediocre start.
Dexter: New Blood: Sins of the Father (2022)
Don't know what people were expecting...
To be fair, I really think this episode is more like an 8.2. I rated higher because I can't stand these review bombs.
For as much good as Dexter has done for the world, there was no denying the internal battle he struggled with for this show's entire run.
I feel like this series ended the way the original probably should have. The questionable choices Dexter makes are those decided by his dark passenger. He struggled to take control of his own life, and we should be happy because by the end, his humanity ultimately wins, and I think that's beautiful considering how well we as the audience know how much he struggles with that.
I don't know if people were expecting glory, fame, or some flashy ending, but I think Dexter said it best in Season 7 of the original show when he asks Louis, "Who would choose to be a serial killer?" When Dexter's humanity peaked, deep down he knew there was nothing glorious, nothing honorable about what he did. He only enjoyed killing to feed his dark passenger. It was his dark passenger that fed his ego, teasing Dexter with images of heroism, vigilante-ism.
I think it's appropriate Deb became Dexter's dark passenger. She was everything to Dexter during the show, and putting her in a position to be killed was enough to convince Dexter that he was a cancer to everyone around him. A black hole that would only bring others down with him. He made Deb his dark passenger, and I think that's how he was able to suppress his urges for so long.
So when these urges begin to resurface during this new series, we see a much different dark passenger. Where Harry would have told Dexter how to get away with what he felt he needed to do, Deb shows up as a constant reminder of how wrong things can, and will, go when he feeds the monster inside him.
Dexter is an interesting character. He isn't bombastic, or flashy. He's a monster who disguises himself as a human and during his best moments he's a human trying so hard to suppress his inner monster. The whole time I watched this show, I thought I was always rooting for Dexter to get away with his form of justice he carried out and rooting against the forces at work trying to stop him. But in the end, I think that the only two forces at play here lie within Dexter. His dark passenger, and his humanity, and which side you root may say a lot about the kind of person you are.
Some of Dexter's decisions were questionable in this finale, but I attribute his poor choices to the dark passenger he thought was guiding him. If Harry was his dark passenger, I think it would have been a very different outcome. I hope over time people can appreciate this ending a little more than they seem to now.
Halo Infinite (2021)
The most Halo-esque experience in a very long time...
After completion of this game on legendary, my entire journey felt so nostalgic, yet it remained so incredibly new that I'm almost at a loss for words.
The campaign hits just the right amount of emotional beats without compromising Master Chief's character. It does an incredibly good job at making the player feel like they are humanity's last hope. The marines are a constant reminder of that through their in-game combat dialogue. For once in a Halo, I was genuinely concerned with keeping as many marines alive as possible.
The AI react incredibly well to your combat, especially on legendary. I found many to be quite relentless. The boss fights felt fresh every time. On legendary, this game's bosses are no pushovers. In fact, some boss fights are so incredibly hard, I was almost at my breaking point. However, in my opinion, playing on legendary should be very difficult. This is one of the hardest legendary experiences since Halo 2. Hunters actually hunt you, they are fast, and become insatiably aggressive when one of their partners dies, brutes have proper rankings in line with the difficulty that spice up the experience, elites are smart, they (and all enemies) know when to take cover, and all other enemies have earned their place as true members of the Banished. When you complete a boss battle, the payoff feels earned, and the story elements tied in with their demise are satisfying.
The environment is unlike any other Halo game. There is nothing quite like being given the freedom to explore this ring and all it's secrets. This campaign feels like it takes from the best components of the original trilogy. The music, the ambience, the banter between marines, it all feels right.
I was worried about this game after the let down Halo 5 was, however, I think this game passes as the best Halo since Halo 3. The grappleshot adds an incredibly fun element to the gameplay that I found came in handy whenever I was in a pinch.
I was happy with the campaign overall, however, it is definitely not without its faults. While I am pleased with the ending, the game still somehow felt too short. I understand this is a live game, and that additional content in the future is without question, however, after a 6 year wait, I wanted to milk this game for everything it was worth immediately. I will just have to look forward to extra content to come. My second camplaint is that I would have loved to see more characters. The game does not give solid details on the fates of some of our most beloved (and hated) characters from the halo universe. I will look forward to getting some solid answers in the future if we are lucky.
I am happy knowing that this is without a doubt the best Halo developed by 343 to date. And you should be happy too if you're a fan of Halo. This unconventional experience has accomplished the impossible task of reinvigorating a hurting franchise by breathing new life into the gameplay. I think a 8.7/10 is a well deserved rating. If you need me, I will be exploring Zeta Halo at a leisurely pace!
SpongeBob SquarePants: The Secret Box/Band Geeks (2001)
This episode is important...
Every few years there comes a generation defining episode in a children's cartoon. For those who were born in the late 90's, Band Geeks is that episode. This episode belongs in a museum or should be retired in the cartoon hall of fame should one exist. There is nothing more to say.
Uno: The Movie (2016)
Here's looking at you kid
This movie has everything. Romance. Drama. Deceit. Comedy. It is the complete package all rolled up into one- or should I say, all wrapped up into Uno?
Black Widow (2021)
Filler but not necessarily bad...
This film is getting review bombed. I find people's criticisms to be very exaggerated if not incredibly subjective.
This movie is a filler film. The way the MCU is written, they really had no choice. I do not think the movie is bad. I think Scarlett Johansson has played balck widow very well for the past 12 years. I found the dynamic between her, Florence Pugh, David Harbour, and Rachel Weisz to be entertaining and believable. I particularly enjoyed Florence Pugh in this film.
Is the premise a little silly? Yes, but what MCU film isn't. Suspension of disbelief is required for all of these films. And I find people love to pick and choose which MCU films they would like to apply that concept to. They typically apply it unjustly.
Without trying to spoil anything, I think a majority of people's criticisms around the film fall into a few categories. The first may be the villain plot twist. If you do not follow comics religiously, I don't think the twost will bother you that much. The second may be the $30 asking price for the movie on Disney Plus. $30 is a lot for one film temporarily. But some people may be shocked to learn that they can actually watch this in a movie theatre for cheaper if they do not want to watch the movie at home. Or even better, they could split that $30 cost with friends. The third reason may be the fact that Scarlett Johansson feels like a side-kick in her own movie. I feel this may be partially true. In all honesty, this movie should have come years ago.
In any case, I think that if you turn your brain off and let yourself have a little fun, you will probably enjoy this film. There has been some bad films this year, but I really don't think this films deseves to be on that list. The production quality is top notch and the cast is more than capable of holding their own. In addition to this, the fight choreography is above average in my honest opinion. There is no reason this movie should be rated similarly to the likes of MCU films like The Incredible Hulk or Thor the Dark World. I feel it has a lot more heart than those two films combined.
I don't know. Listen to me, don't listen to me. Whatever. Just trying to take as an objective approach to this film that may be currently viewed unfairly.
The Falcon and the Winter Soldier: One World, One People (2021)
The cap we deserved from the beginning.
Nuff said. Wanna see more from both captain america and the winter soldier. Only thing I don't understand is the power broker plot twist. But I'm sure we'll get those answers later. It was predictable, but I trust marvel to keep the good stuff coming.
How I Met Your Mother: Life Among the Gorillas (2006)
Entertaining Set-up for the Climax of Season 1
It's no secret that the end of this episode sets up Ted and Robin's arc for the remainder of the season. While most sitcoms may choose to fill it with nonsense, this show decides to fill it by defining characters who desperately needed something more.
The disconnect between Marshall's dream, the way he sees himself getting there, and Lily's expectations of her husband-to-be also sets up their arc for the end of season 1 very well.