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Willow (2022)
...and like...totally.
If you are a fan of the film, just watch the film again. I literally couldn't like...get over the modern teen dialogue, and whatever. That's just a sample of what it feels like trying to get through this unpalatable mess of interactions between the younger characters. I half expected to hear someone get called a douchebag or make a Fortnite reference. I'm getting sick of Disney making these cash grab products from beloved intellectual properties that actually (used to) mean something to me. I gave up on Star Wars, Marvel is fading... I'm probably going to cancel my Disney Plus subscription soon.
The Woman in the House Across the Street from the Girl in the Window (2022)
The title should give it away, but...
I think this parody was almost too serious for it's own good. I can see the are many viewers who are confused about what this is... and at times I'll admit I felt the same. I almost wondered what the motivation was at times because it seemed like it wanted to be serious, but every single device in the story was an obvious joke... so instead of a good balance, it seemed to keep jumping the line between reality and total farce. The last episode was the pinnacle with the absolute most far fetched and over the top climax, the intent was unmistakable at that point. Unfortunately I don't think there were enough winks or nudges through the first part of the series to clue everyone in on the joke. The actors all did wonderfully however, and to no one's surprise... Kristen Bell shines.
Summoning Bloody Mary (2021)
Let's talk about the pillow...
Under the shirt of one of the girls. I think she was supposed to be pregnant? Or maybe has a weird throw pillow fetish her friends all pretended was normal? I am so confused by this decision. Also the makeup of "bloody Mary"... Was just another confusingly bad decision. Did they not know how to apply the makeup or did they have such a low budget they could only afford one of those Halloween monster makeup kits from Walmart? There were a lot of confusing elements in this movie, the story only being a minor one. That pillow...why?
Cosmic Sin (2021)
COSMIC SIN...
I mean... If ever there was a term to encompass the scale of how wrong it was to make this garbage... I guess the title says it all.
1 star for possible self-aware irony I guess?
This is definitely the most disappointing Sharknado sequel yet.
Karen (2021)
Comedy of the year!
Why all the negative reviews? I couldn't stop laughing! A must watch for all friendships that celebrate diversity! This is the kind of comedy gold that will bring people of different cultures together to laugh! It has all the expected racist tropes as well as classic movie police stereotypes! You'll hear all your favorite racially charged statements and slurs you have come to expect from every budding new writer that just discovered racism! Don't sleep on this one if you are looking for the time of your night!
Midnight Mass (2021)
Lots of rambling, and no one knows what old people look like.
I have to say it. In this day and age when we can make some of the most astonishing and unbelievably realistic movie effects... We still can't apply makeup and effects to age younger people without making it look like young people wearing old people makeup. This instantly gives away a lot of the story. Going into the show without knowing the premise, the second I started spotting old people makeup, I knew they were going to get younger.
Rambling. Several characters have scenes where they talk at great length about one thing or another, and as much as I love a good dialogue... These just seem like awkward monologues addressed to each other. The spacing is strange, the cadence is off sometimes, and it genuinely sounds more like rambling than real dialogue.
So before I sound that way too, I'll just say I did enjoy the series, but in my opinion this is Mike Flanagan's weakest offering so far. I really loved his other shows, but this was a missed opportunity that just didn't quite hit the mark for me.
Sweet Tooth (2021)
Sugar coated apocalypse
The child is insufferable... He never listens, his emotions are random and out of control, and he is constantly putting everybody around him in danger. Aside from the main character being absolutely unbearable to watch or care about, this show is chock full of clichés, platitudes, and woke material that the masses will undoubtedly gobble up. I was hoping this show had some appeal for adults but I'm afraid unless you're 14 or younger you may not find much substance or value here.
Population 436 (2006)
Actually... Not bad!
Quality-wise as far as production it's about on par for the budget. Story-wise, it's nothing special, but it isn't bad. The thing that surprised me most of all was Fred Durst. I am not a Fred Durst fan, I don't care for any of his music, and his public persona is extremely annoying. However I will give him credit where credit is due... He is a decent actor as it just so happens. I actually kept waiting for him to take me out of the moment and royally screw up a scene, but he never did. The movie overall did not feel like a waste of my time and I would gladly watch the movie again with someone else who's never seen it before. A totally acceptable supernatural thriller.
Spiral: From the Book of Saw (2021)
It's funny, but...
There seems to be an excessive amount of Gore in this hilarious cop show parody.
Aquaman (2018)
Syfy throwback
In the most recent years Syfy original movies have actually been not only pallatable but somewhat engaging and worthy of praise. Aquaman has all the elements of the days of the early years of the horrible writing, timing, plot, scripting I have seen since Sharknado. This seems to have been made as a serious film, but who can take this seriously? This is nothing more than the next chapter of Sharknado.