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The Simpsons (1989)
In it's glory days, this was the best of television
Yes, time has not been kind to The Simpsons- but back in the good ol' days, this was the finest TV show there ever was (except, perhaps, for Fawlty Towers).
A diamond-sharp satire, The Simpsons was the defining document of modern life in the west. Paving the way for adult animation to come, each episode was made with the the precision of a Swiss army knife.
Of course, some morons have looked past the intelligent satire found in the jokes and labeled the show "dumb". Their loss. The Simpsons will always be remembered by the many fortunate people who watched it religiously.
That being said, the people it satirizes are usually too idiotic to realize they are being satirized.
It is impossible to pick a favorite character, as the thousands of them were well-rounded, hilarious rays of sunshine who added the the show's brilliance.
God Bless The Simpsons.
Family Guy (1999)
It can be stupid, yes- but it's also very funny
Quite a few people insist that Family Guy is a rip-off of The Simpsons- it isn't. Sure, the whole dysfunctional family thing is incredibly similar to The Simpsons, and they ripped off quite a few jokes, but the style of comedy is generally different. Family Guy uses flashbacks and side-references, generally to effect.
And yes, Family Guy can be stupid- but it's funny, isn't it?
My favorite characters are without a doubt the diabolical Stewie and Peter (although the talking family dog comes close).
A very funny show that doesn't deserve to be labeled as a pale imitation of The Simpsons as it has. Check it out.
The Third Man (1949)
A timeless, beautifully shot thriller....
The Third Man- the greatest film-noir, and the greatest British film.
Alcoholic pulp fiction author Holly Martins travels to Vienna looking for a job from college chum Harry Lime... only to learn that he is dead.
According to one witness, three men carried off his body after it was hit by a truck- but Martins can only find two of them, and goes off searching for the third man for the first two thirds.
You've probably already guessed who the third man is- if not, then I won't spoil it for you. However, it is not the story that makes The Third Man the classic it is (although it helps): it is the moody atmosphere, the use of shadows and the pure fun that can be found in this, greatest of English films.
Oh, and don't worry about it being "boring"- it moves a the cracking pace of an Indianna Jones movie.
Son of the Mask (2005)
One of the worst films I have ever, EVER had the misfortune of seeing.
The original "Mask" movie made me appreciate Jim Carrey's comedic talents (though I still say he should do some more serious roles- "The Truman Show" blew me away). It had a wild, anarchic, almost over the top style that meant it left an impact- and Carrey was perfect for the film.
Now along comes this stinker.
Let me start by saying this- if you value your life, keep the hell away from this movie. I only just survived, and even then I had to saw off one of my arms. Want more proof as to how stupefyingly horrible this dreck is? It's on the IMDb Bottom 100, and quite honestly one of the worst films I have ever seen.
Plan 9 From Outer Space is widely regarded to be the worst film of all time- and one of the funniest. Why? Because that's how bad it it. The aliens are guys in gorilla suits with fish bowls one their heads. The graves used in the graveyard seen are cardboard, and wobble whenever the wind blows. The aliens use human desks and pens. And the U.F.O.s are hubcaps being dangled around on visible strings. Why do I mention this? It's very simple: in ten years time, Son of the Mask will be considered the Plan 9 of our generation. The already bad effects will look terrible.
The only likable character is, surprisingly, Loki. I didn't mind the actor playing him, but the rest got on my nerves. Who the heck is Jamie Kennedy, anyway/
And who wrote this film? A five year old?
I still have nightmares from this form of child abuse projected onto the big screen. Someone forced me to watch it. I later shot them.
The scariest thing is, there were tons of people involved in making this ****fest.
Avoid.
Clambake (1967)
Positively awful
An awful, idiotic Elvis movie.
The acting is wooden, and the only laughs that come are unintentional.
For example: we're in the middle of a bland musical number, when suddenly the screen is tipped upside down. It stays like that for a while, then goes back to normal. None of this happens for a reason.
Even my drunk cousin was confused by this.
The story was nice and original when it was The Prince and the Pauper, but by the time Clambake was made, it had been done to death.
As for Elvis' acting: either he based his performance on an ironing board, or he was drunk.
I personally hope for the latter.
You could replace his character with a plank with a mopey face and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.
Avoid.
Edward Scissorhands (1990)
Burton's best film.
Edward Scissorhands is, simply put, incredible. I often wonder if Burton's detractors have seen it (I suppose they have), or the thirteen-year-old "biggest fan"s who think that he directed The Nightmare Before Christmas.
How can anyone not be touched by this movie? How can anyone not love Edward? How can anyone not think Kim is cute?
By far the most touching of Burton's works- his "2001: A Space Oddyssey", if you will. And it is also his best film, though Ed Wood does come close.
The neighborhood Edward lives in represents everything wrong with society (even if it is set in the 50s)- gossip, alienating those that do not fit in etc.
An example of this is a scene near the start, were everybody in view of the camera does the exact same thing, in almost the exact same order, showing how mundane, unimaginative and repetitive life is.
Edward symbolizes the readiness with which we discriminate those who are different- the gossiping ladies, who instantly swing from one side of the spectrum to the other, and who can't live without a juicy conversation, are a little too close for comfort.
A lot of Burton fans will tell you that Ed Wood is Burton's best film- I disagree. This is, for me, my favorite Burton flick, and I also consider it to be his best.
Tim is always strongest when he works your emotions (as opposed to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Mars Attacks etc.), and this is his finest emotional film- I cannot believe it isn't on the Top 250.
Not to be missed.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)
Great thriller- watch it twice, though.
And so the best of the books becomes the second best of the films. However, you may not warm to it on the first viewing- I know a lot of people who struggled with the plot, or/and found it rushed. I thought so too- until I watched it again.
It didn't seem rushed at all. Voldemort, who I had considered whiny and silly the first time, danced across the screen with menace- the very embodiment of pure evil.
Someone who had not read the book watched it a second time, and said that everything clicked for them.
There is a lot (though not as much as PoA) of breathtaking scenery, too.
It is one of those rare films that is actually better the second time round.
The best bit by far is the graveyard scene, in which Voldemort gets his body back, and duels Harry, shouting "Don't you run away from me, Harry Potter! I want you to face me when I kill you! I want to watch the light leave your eyes!".
Other noteworthy moments include Harry and Ron sitting aside from everyone else, watching as they dance, the First (especially the section with Harry and the dragon on the rooftop), Second and Third Tasks, the Death Eaters trashing the camp and Moody revealing his secret identity.
In fact, my only gripe is that it is fairly obvious who Moody is.
All in all, a solid thriller which gains a lot when seen twice.
Chicken Little (2005)
Where's Pixar when you need them?
Chicken Little lacks the wit and charm of the majority of the Pixar flicks, and attempts to cover up it's mediocrity with stale 70s songs and lame jokes.
Chicken, voiced by Zach Braff, is hit by a piece of the sky (resulting in the only moments of the film worth anything), alienating himself from his father, Buck.
We are hit by wave upon wave of seventies music, and jokes that feel like they're made by a three-year-old. The first half is good, but not great. The second is god-awful. Where's Pixar when you need them?
You could find worse films, but you could also find much, much better.
Jak 3 (2004)
An epic finale.
And so the remarkable Jak and Daxter trilogy (pretty much the only video games I actually like) concludes with an epic final act.
Jak has been banished by the very people he once saved, and the power-hungry Count Veger (I must suck your blood! Mwahahahaha!). He is rescued by Damas, the mysterious King of Spargus, and within it's walls meets the vile Kleiver and the mystical Seem.
He finds that the "Day Star", a spaceship, is approaching, and it's residents plan on turning his planet's population (which consists of two cities) into scorch marks. We are now faced with some good ol' "I Don't Wanna be a Hero!" angst after he is confronted (for lack of a better word) by (the incredibly irritating) former-Krimson Guard Ashelin.
There are several plot holes- why doesn't anyone care that Jak has just strolled into Haven City when he was banished (including Count Dr- Veger)? Why does nobody seem to be surprised that AN ORANGE RAT IS TALKING TO THEM?! There are also a superb amount of clichés, and the dialog can often be painful (anything said by Damas makes you want to burn a dictionary).
But this is still an entertaining game, even if video games ARE inferior entertainment to books, music and movies.
Power Rangers: Ninja Storm (2003)
Idiotic.
This show is pretty awful. It was by complete chance that I stumbled upon it- and I couldn't believe my eyes. The effects are risible, the scripting terrible and the acting leaves to a lot to be desired- but those aren't the worst of it. The only thing you should watch this show for is the Power Ranger's leader- a guinea pig in robes, called Sensei Guinea Pig. Yes, I am serious. They take orders from a pretty awfully computerized guinea pig in robes. That is about the only thing you should watch this show for- apart from the sledge-hammer subtle, blatant morality. Not only that, but the way they defeat their foes is inane. My favorite way that they've used is creating a giant ball of metal and squashing this giant robot with it. The only thing you might enjoy are the overly elaborate fight scenes- but then again, you might agree with me and think that they are way too cartoony, childish and confusing. And the bad guys really need to improve their evil plans- I mean, trying to take over the world by making a giant food-fight?!!!!????!!!! Come on!!!! The worst thing is, this isn't so bad it's funny, like the original Power Rangers. It is just plain agonizing to watch.