Charlotte_Kaye Reviews

Dawn of the Dead (1978)

Masterpiece!

[10/10 · 29 March 2007]

I can't say enough good things about this movie! They accomplished so much with such a small budget and manage to evoke so many different emotions from viewers throughout you can be nothing short of amazed by the finished product. Legendary filmmaker George A. Romero ("Night of the Living Dead") has with "Dawn" created the most ambitious and most satisfying movie of his entire career. It's apocalyptic horror time as four survivors; policemen Peter (Ken Foree) and Roger (Scott H. Reiniger), female newscaster Francine (Gaylen Ross) and her husband Stephen (David Emge) take off in helicopter looking for a safe haven. The world's being destroyed by a plague of sorts, which takes shape as quickly-multiplying flesh eating living dead. One little bite and you will be joining them as they aimlessly shuffle along looking for their next meal. These zombies have taken over not only rural areas (where they began in "Night"), but also urban areas, and society as a whole is in the process of completely collapsing. Our four reluctant heroes decide if they're going to survive, they need to get as far away from civilization as possible. On their way to wherever (via helicopter), they end up stopping to refuel at a shopping mall and decide it's the perfect place to hide out for a while; seeing how they have all the resources right in one place. They kill all the zombies inside, clear the place out, barricade the doors and try to live as normal a life as possible until they decide what their next move is going to be. The movie plays out impressively in the brilliant mall setting and emerges as intelligent, horrific, exciting and comedic (from the slyest of satire to the most overt of slapstick). It succeeds on so many different levels that people who really don't even enjoy horror films all that much should like it, and yet there's a wealth of scares, suspenseful scenarios and bloody Tom Savini gore effects to keep the horror fans thoroughly entertained. "Dawn" is not just a horror classic, but a full fledged cinematic masterpiece in my opinion, and a movie any serious film buff needs to see.

The Evil Dead (1981)

Great low budget American horror film!

[9/10 · 29 March 2007]

Forget today's "modern," "hip," "polished" "PG-13" horror movies full of pretty people, recycled plots and cheesy computer effects. I'll take a cheaper, grittier and more audacious, inventive and humorous 80s horror movie any day of the week! Five people, led by future cult horror hero Bruce Campbell, rent a cabin way out in the middle of the woods. In the basement they find an ancient book, read a few passage out of it and all hell (literally) breaks loose! Several characters quickly become possessed by demons whose only mission is to kill the living. And that's all the plot this terrific little fright flick really needs. It's not a "plot" movie anyway, it's an exercise in horror in the purest sense; with atmosphere, mood, pacing, camera-work and splatter all at the forefront. Sam Raimi's now-classic film set new standards for levels of blood and gore way back in 1981, and the film stands the test of time miraculously well considering all the advancements in special effects since it was made. In fact, I actually prefer this old style mix of make-up effects and stop motion animation to pretty much all of today's films. Also of note is the invigorating point-of-view camera-work, which has been copied endlessly sense. "Evil Dead" is a fantastic, scary, funny, imaginative and gory good time not to be missed! I know a lot of people seem to prefer the 1987 sequel or even 1991's third installment "Army of Darkness," but I'm still a much bigger fan of the look, feel and tone of the original.

Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)

Average slasher movie

[5/10 · 29 March 2007]

Not much to really say about the first sequel to the huge hit Friday the 13th, except it gets the job done and that's about it. Sole survivor Alice (Adrienne King) is trying to put her life back together after nearly being killed by the psychotic Mrs. Voorhees in the first film. After some flashbacks to the original to catch viewers up (they are spliced in here as nightmares), Alice is brutally killed with an ice pick. Jumping ahead a few months, a whole new batch of counselors arrive at Camp Crystal Lake in a second attempt to reopen the camp. By now the place has earned its nickname "Camp Blood" but not even bicycle riding prophet of doom Crazy Ralph (Walter Gorney) can scare these folks away before it's too late. A few of the people are briefly introduced, and then it's business as usual as a hooded, hulking figure goes around chopping everybody up. The gore effects from Carl Fullerton are pretty good but not quite up to the original. The death scenes aren't too original this time out and include your usual throat slashings and stabbings. What most people assume is the most "original" death is a double impalement with a spear. However, the same exact death was used in Mario Bava's superior slasher movie "Bay of Blood" from way back in 1971. The entire "Friday" series drew inspiration from Bava's movie and anyone who is a fan of this series should also see that film. Anyway, about midway through the movie becomes a little too boring and repetitive for its own good. However, things pick up nicely again during the last 20 minutes or so and there's are a few great scares thrown in at the end. Overall, pretty good for this series, but just average and typical for the horror genre as a whole.

Friday the 13th (1980)

Gory set pieces enliven tired formula in classic slasher movie.

[7/10 · 29 March 2007]

Anyone who grew up in the 80s watched this one and likely a lot of the sequels, too! They released one almost every single year after this, the original, raked in a ton of money at the box office. Critics across the globe were startled by its success since nearly all of them bashed it, and most shook their heads in disbelief when sequel after sequel were produced and were financially successful. For whatever reason, Americans couldn't get enough of these things and turned "Friday the 13th" into one of the most popular and longest running horror franchises in history. Looking at it now, it's a very nostalgic type of film for horror fans. There is something comforting (well, sort of) about taking a trip back to "Camp Crystal Lake" to watch a bunch of energetic, though mediocre, actors and actresses getting killed off one by one by a deranged maniac. There's no plot to get in the way of the slicing and dicing as a group of counselors show up to reopen a summer camp with a sordid history (a drowned boy and two unsolved murders happened there years before) and are killed off one by one by in grisly and effective scenes. Makeup effects artist Tom Savini did a pretty good job here, even though many of his kills were trimmed or removed altogether. After a slow build-up, there's also a nice pay off with a lot of action and jump scares at the finale; the very last scene being one of the all-time great jump-out-of-your-seat moments. There's also a now-classic score from Harry Manfredini, a memorable performance from Betsy Palmer as the strange Mrs. Voorhees and a young Kevin Bacon in a supporting role.

Phenomena (1985)

Beautiful, bizarre and imaginative. I loved it!

[10/10 · 29 March 2007]

I was really taken by surprise by this little gem! It's like a warped and nightmarish fairy tale and I have never seen another movie quite like it. A young and already very lovely Jennifer Connelly (14 years old at the time, I believe) stars as Jennifer Corvino, a troubled American teenager with a famous actor father, who has just arrived at the Richard Wagner Academy in Switzerland. Almost immediately, she discovers there's a serial killer brandishing a metal spear who's killing young women in the area. But plucky and courageous Jennifer isn't about to become the next victim, and sets out on a quest to discover who the killer is. Cleverly adding to the storyline, Jennifer possesses a special gift of being able to communicate with and control insects. This gift (along with the fact she's a sleepwalker) makes her an outcast at school, but it does provide some extra protection when she finds herself in harm's way. While it may sound a little crowded, the storyline is actually very engaging and there's literally a surprise around every corner. The music score was contributed by a number of people, and was mesmerizing throughout. The photography was gorgeous, with all kinds of imaginative camera shots, angles and a very nice usage of color. I have always thought that Jennifer Connelly was one of the most beautiful and talented American actresses working today, so it was wonderful to see her getting her start here. While it's obviously one of her first roles, she's really pretty good here and one of the most appealing central characters in any Argento movie. Of special interest to horror fans are the inclusion of actors Donald Pleasence ("Halloween"), who plays an entomologist with a pet monkey who becomes Jennifer's friend, and Daria Nicolodi ("Deep Red"), who plays a teacher at Jennifer's school. If you like your movies vivid, artistic and weird, this is a must see!

Seven Blood-Stained Orchids (1972)

Formula murder mystery

[2/10 · 29 March 2007]

I don't get the praise for this one at all. It is one of the first of these Italian horror thrillers ("giallo") I have watched and color me unimpressed. Antonio Sabato and Uschi Glas star as newlyweds caught in the middle of a psychopath's killing spree. Well actually she's caught in the middle and he's just deciding to spend his free time playing Sherlock Holmes since the cops on the case are incompetent. Glas' character, along with six other females, are the targets and the killer knows that one of these seven ladies was involved in a car accident that left a man dead. Since he cannot prove which lady was involved he decides to murder them all to get his revenge. This movie plays out like a bland made-for-TV thriller, with stale dialogue, unimaginative direction, a weakly written screenplay and a few supposed twists thrown in, but it's all rather mundane and formulaic. The identity of the killer is a huge disappointment also because all they do is make it one of those minor characters who has maybe one scene before he's is revealed to be the psycho. The person isn't sufficiently developed or menacing enough to build much interest, and everyone who appears in a major role is nondescript and dull. Most of the run time is uninteresting dialogue scenes that constantly make the film come to a screeching halt. It's not thrilling, scary or suspenseful at all. And that is a shame because I normally love Italian horrors and thrillers. Many are among the most beautifully made films I have seen with good casts, outstanding cinematography, creepy music scores and wonderful art direction and sets. Sadly, this very dull movie has no style to speak of and the well of imagination must have run dry.

Luster (2002)

Are you people out of your minds?

[1/10 · 5 October 2006]

This indy "drama" is completely and utterly awful! Just because you are gay and watching a film about gay men and/or women does not mean you have to abide by some unwritten rule forcing you to say that it's good. I watch a load of independent movies, many with budgets much lower than this film had, and I have yet to see such a badly written, badly directed, badly made and woefully badly acted dud as this. The film is as unfocused as it is unbelievable and veers off on side plots that contribute nothing to the main storyline.

And Justin Herwick is a good actor in the lead role? Please don't make me laugh. Are you friends of his or something? His emotions do not change a single time throughout the entire film and he mumbles his way through all of his dialogue as if he could care less. I've never seen such an inept and lazy performance in my entire life and it's one of the main things that completely ruin this film. It's as if the actor thought he could cruise on his looks alone. Sad thing is, he isn't all that in the first place and you have NO clue why everyone in this movie is in love with him. He's not very bright, average looking, self-absorbed, incredibly boring and slutty; your typically dumb airhead club kid type. Yet everyone in this movie is falling all over him as if he's either a drop dead gorgeous and/or fascinating person. Please!

But of course there's a heavy-handed moral to the story after most of the running time has been used up basically showing a bunch of guys parading around naked, useless subplots that exist basically to show even more nudity and people spitting out laughably angsty dialogue (a part where one character compares love to 9 miles of intestines in the human body is about the worst attempt at "deep" dialogue I've ever heard). The horribly conceived "it's time to grow up" moment in question though is when Sam (Shane Powers), a friend of Jacksons, kills himself because he's also secretly in love with him! I guess at this moment, almost at the very end of the movie, we're suddenly supposed to sympathize with Jackson. Too bad you'd already spent an hour wishing Jackson would get run over with a bus and that the Sam character is so poorly underwritten you know almost nothing about him.

1/10 (I'd give it a 0 if I could)

A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989)

Special effects are the only saving grace

[3/10 · 10 July 2006]

The Freddy Krueger saga was seriously starting to show his age by this point as the series took a shift in a decidedly bad direction. Part 5 is more gimmicky, more self conscious and more dependent on special effects than any previous entry. It's also darker, drearier, more tiresome and more monotonous than the other four films. Lisa Wilcox reprises her role as Alice from Part 4. She's now pregnant and more people begin to die when Freddy (Robert Englund) starts using the dreams of her unborn child to kill off her friends. I don't know if this was intentional on the filmmakers part or not, but the movie takes a decidedly Pro Life stance; Alice learns fairly early on what Krueger is doing but decides to keep her unborn child anyway and her circle of friends end up dying because of it; getting picked off in various ghastly ways that include being turned into a motorcycle, getting force-fed to death and even getting slashed to ribbons after being sucked into a comic book world to do battle with Freddy. So basically many innocent people die because Alice is insistent on not aborting the one baby, which is a highly questionable story point not very well thought out by whoever scripted the film.

The special effects and production design are both very good even though the body count is surprisingly low and one of the better dream sequences is an almost direct copy of the M.C. Escher sequence in the first Hellraiser sequel. The story itself plays out like a lame after school special and fails to draw you in or make you care about what happens between the fx scenes. More Freddy mythology about his ghostly nun mother and his conception are added to needlessly complicate things and there's a highly annoying open ending that sets up the next sequel; Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991) which turned out to be even worse than this one.

So sad to say The Dream Child is only worth the effort if you are a die hard fan of the series. Otherwise, stick with the original, Part 3 and New Nightmare, which are easily the three superior Elm Street films.

Hostel (2005)

Serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever.

[1/10 · 9 July 2006]

It's not scary. It's not funny. It's not stylish. It's not suspenseful, exciting, thrilling or chilling in any way. It's not intelligent enough to even be viewed as some warped social commentary. It's not ambitious enough to do anything other than present gratuitous T&A and gore in the dullest manner imaginable. Hell, it's not even entertaining. What it really is is an exercise in being completely and utterly pointless aside from presenting violent scenarios and nude women in third world countries with unlikely silicone enhanced bodies. The "plot" involves a trio of students (two Americans and a foreigner) vacationing in Eastern Europe who eventually stumble upon a pay-to-slay type business that specializes in making your sickest dreams come true (i.e. customers paying a high price to get to slaughter a real live person). And I am using the world "eventually" because it takes around an hour for this movie to get to the real horror content. First we have to sit through an excruciating hour dedicated to the juvenile frat boy antics of characters who stay wasted on booze and drugs and pay hookers for sex. A whole hour of this crap.

Our "heroes" are stupid, irritating, immature, one-dimensional and thoroughly unlikable. By the time their lives are in danger, you could care less what happens to them. I know I didn't. I was actually rooting for the generic, anonymous bad guys to tell you the truth. To make matters worse, this film has a tacked on ending that tries to let the sole survivor enact his vengeance. These scenes are absolutely ludicrous and riddled with coincidence. Certain characters just happen to be at a certain place at the right time. Hey, there's three of them now crossing the street right in front of me just as I'm trying to escape the town! Well what do you know? How bout I run 'em all over! There's another one who happens to be on the same train as me as I'm leaving the country! Well I'll follow him into the bathroom... etc. etc. etc. The end.

This movie is absolute garbage from start to finish. It's nothing new or interesting. There is some gore, but it's pretty much what's expected and nothing too shocking for anyone who has already sat through films like Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Dawn of the Dead. Director Eli Roth may be 35 years old, but his brain functions at the level of someone 20 years his junior based on his juvenile screenplay and uninspired direction. Roth himself later claimed he made this film "to show Americans' ignorance of the world around them" and in the process only ended up showing his own ignorance when it comes to film- making. Absolutely the pits!

Saw (2004)

Implausible, irritating and full of plot holes

[2/10 · 9 July 2006]

The current rating for this horror film indicates it is one of the greatest of all time. Give me a break! It's not even close. Unless you are VERY forgiving of glaring plot holes, bad acting, annoying dialogue, "trendy" rapid fire MTV-style editing, lame "edgy" industrial music soundtracks and a pathetic "moral" justification for murder delivered by a psycho obviously copied from Kevin Spacey's Se7en character, then you might be amongst the people who think this is something special. But if you're like me and take a more analytical approach to these thrillers, this thing simply falls apart at the seams and leads up to a surprise twist so implausible and unbelievable it must be seen to be believed. Not only this, but the film refuses to stay in one place for long. It jumps from the main story (leads Cary Elwes and Leigh Whannell chained up in a bathroom and trying to figure a way to escape) about five times too many to maintain the suspense. We get to see bits and pieces of the police investigation and the killer terrorizing the wife and daughter of Elwes' doctor character. Said wife acts like a complete and utter moron even after the killer sticks a gun in her daughters face.

It's not a great movie. It's not even a good movie. It's just a pedestrian thriller all jazzed up with tricky editing, jump cuts, some gore and loud music to appeal to the teenagers and intellectually stunted adults in the audience. Anyone with a brain, however, will find it hard to swallow and not worth the effort at all.

Jack-O (1995)

Absolutely hilarious! I LOVED it!

[5/10 · 9 July 2006]

There's something to be said for good movies. There's also something to be said for bad movies. But what about a bad movie that's sincere, very likable, very nostalgic in capturing the fall/Halloween season and full of energy and audience good will? Well that's exactly what is found in Jack-O, a movie with so many painfully bad, laughable elements that somehow mix with the fun elements and turn it into a very entertaining B level horror movie! The good stuff here is the breezy tone of the film and the story itself is enjoyable and fun. I liked some of the small touches like the Halloween garage spook show and the weird conservative neighbors who are killed. Also good to see is Linnea Quigley in a role that is probably too small but it's still Linnea and she brings an element of fun to the film, even if her role was almost useless. The cameos from John Carradine and Cameron Mitchell are from some unknown archive source, but still I liked seeing both of them here. The bad stuff. The plastic Jack-O pumpkin mask is really lame. And the acting is the cheesiest! Then again, that only adds to the fun. The little kid (son of the director) might be the worst child actor I've ever seen but it's hilarious to watch! The adults aren't much better. There's one woman in a flashback scene who you must see in all her monotone glory to believe. The woman who plays the psychic is also quite awful. You will be rolling on the floor in laughter! There is a bit of gore and one topless scene from Rachel Carter who plays the Quigley character's sister in the film. The gratuitous shower scene I see people talking about must have been cut from my tape because you only see Linnea from the shoulders up. There's no other way to rate a film like this than with a 5!

Pinocchio's Revenge (1996)

Better than average

[6/10 · 8 July 2006]

This isn't exactly a Child's Play rip-off (though it does borrow some ideas from those movie) but is just interesting enough to keep your attention throughout. The story revolves around divorced district attorney Jennifer Garrick (Rosalind Allen) and her troubled young daughter Zoe (Brittany Alyse Smith). During a birthday party Zoe mistakenly believes a wooden Pinocchio doll is one of her presents and instantly becomes attached to it. The doll is actually a piece of evidence in a criminal investigation and was buried alongside a body but Jennifer doesn't see any harm in letting her daughter keep the doll. However, strange and horrific things soon begin to happen. Zoe claims that the doll is responsible. The film never really reveals whether it is Zoe or the possessed doll responsible until the very end but the film manages to keep you entertained until you find out.

The writing is decent, as is Tenney's direction. The special effects are average, but the acting is good enough to convince you. Allen is excellent in the lead, and Smith does a great job for a child actress. For the life of me I can't figure out why Candace McKenzie (who plays the live-in nanny to the family) didn't have much of a career after this film. Not only is she very attractive, but she also delivers a wonderfully appealing performance. Fans of Kevin Tenney's Witchboard will no doubt recognize Todd Allen in a supporting role. The current rating of 3.7 on here is far lower than this film deserves.

Night of the Demons (1988)

What a B horror movie should be!

[9/10 · 7 July 2006]

Night of the Demons is the perfect Halloween rental. Actually it's a perfect purchase if you are a fan of B-movies since Anchor Bay has put out a great unrated DVD with some very nice extras. Well I just love this film! It starts with some really cool animated opening credits and then follows the exploits of a group of teenagers planning to go to a party hosted by weird-o goth chick Angela (Mimi Kinkade). Well Angela's chosen the perfect spot for her little shindig; Hull House, a reputedly haunted former funeral parlor. During a séance, the teens unleash a demon that possesses airhead bimbo Suzanne (Linnea Quigley, campy and hilarious!) who then goes on to give a soul stealing smooch to Angela and so on and so on until the house is bursting at the rafters will bloody murders and the resurrected dead. The film is very entertaining all around, moves pretty quickly, has plenty of bloodshed and special effects to keep you entertained and director Kevin S. Tenney makes the most of his locations. There's also a subplot involving an elderly couple that doesn't have much to do with the rest of the movie, but is entertaining nonetheless. Kinkade and Quigley both turn in memorable performances and the cast is nicely rounded out with Hal Havins (who co-starred with Linnea in Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama), Lance Fenton (from Heathers), Cathy Podewell (who played JR's hillbilly wife on the last season of Dallas), Jill Terashita (who some may know from Sleepaway Camp 3), William Gallo and Alvin Alexis as Roger.

Apparently this film was a surprise box office hit as pointed out on the extras of the DVD, which may explain why two sequels were eventually made. Another good extra is My Demon Nights, an informative interview with Quigley about the production. Other extras are trailers and radio spots.

Angel of Destruction (1994)

Maria Ford *girl power*

[10/10 · 7 July 2006]

This movie is perfect escapist entertainment with the lovely Maria Ford as an avenging angel out to stop a creepy serial killer (Jimmy Broome) who has taken out her sister (Charlie Spradling) and plans to do the same to a bisexual Madonna-like pop singer (Jessica Mark) he is obsessed with. He also has a thing for mutilating topless Asian hookers in his down time and has a slew of 'Nam vet slimeballs working under him. The acting from the leads (Ford, Broome and Antonio Bacci as Maria's partner) is great, the dialogue and one-liners are absolutely hilarious, the guys in the audience will love the gratuitous female nudity and well the action just never stops as Maria karate kicks at least a hundred guys on her way to a final showdown with the killer! There are even several musical numbers! Ford is simply fabulous in this movie and is obviously trained in martial arts, not just some poser like you see in Hollywood garbage like Elektra and Catwoman. There's one hilarious moment I rewound like 10 times where one of Broome's henchmen says "Screw you douche bag!" and Maria immediately kicks him in the head! *Girl Power!* I love this movie. It never gets old and is a must in the collection of any self-respecting B movie fan!

Spirits (1990)

Pretty bad

[3/10 · 6 July 2006]

This is a very boring, low budget haunted house movie about a group of paranormal investigators exploring a house supposedly haunted by the spirit of a sadistic murderer named Picard. Fred Olen Ray's name isn't exactly synonymous with quality film-making, but he is capable of churning out decent B movie time killers from time to time. This one is not one of his best. The story is thin, the dialogue is pathetic, the movie is padded out and the acting is mostly terrible. Saving this from the scrap pile are some make-up effects (at the very end!) and a trio of halfway decent performances. The first good performance is from horror veteran Robert ("Count Yorga") Quarry, who plays the man in charge of putting the crew together. The second is from Carol Lynley, who is wasted in a nothing role but manages to deliver her lines effectively. The final is from B-movie Scream Queen Michelle Bauer, who gives what is probably the best performance in the entire movie as a demon posing as a nun. Too bad she's only in the movie for two or three minutes because the movie could have definitely used a lot more of her! The rest of the cast (which includes a clueless Erik Estrada as a priest and a monotone B movie queen Brinke Stevens) are downright terrible in their respective roles.

The Amityville Horror (2005)

Annoying and monotonous

[2/10 · 30 December 2005]

I'm not the biggest fan of the Amityville franchise, but this was just as bad as all the direct-to-video sequels. All it really manages to do is create an air of the unpleasant. Not scary or suspenseful or entertaining, mind you. Just unpleasant. It's boring and the characters are complete voids with no personality. You honestly don't care if someone plants an axe in any of their heads, and quite frankly, you wish Ryan Reynolds would do just that to the wife/mother character (Melissa George), who does some of the lamest, most pea-brained things imaginable. The supposed protector of her children ensures her own children's lives are constantly in danger because she refuses to leave the house or her husband. Maybe she should have sent them off to stay with a relative or take them to day care when things started to get shaky? If those were my children and I was so up my husband's rear end that I couldn't leave him for a couple of days, then I think I'd stay at home and take my chances and not insist my kids stick around too so that daddy has a chance to start swinging an axe at them.

Though the production values are halfway decent, the direction, script and uneven acting ruin it. You think the director was more interested in making a Ryan Reynolds fetish video going by how much time he spends getting Reynolds out of his shirt to show off his six pack abs. So whatever, the guy spends a lot of time at the gym... Now put him in some halfway decent movie and give him a character to work with next time. Then possibly I could appreciate him as something more than a vapid pretty boy with questionable talent. Melissa George, who I believe is a TV actress, is awful. The kids did a decent job. Talented character actor Philip Baker Hall is shamefully wasted.

A Bay of Blood (1971)

Horror hidden in beauty

[7/10 · 30 December 2005]

Largely cited as the inspiration behind Carpenter's Halloween (1978), Cunningham's Friday the 13th (1980) and the hundreds of countless other gory slasher movies, this is an entertaining horror film from Mario Bava, who is probably the greatest of the Italian genre directors. He is also an incredibly talented cinematographer, as you can tell with many clever, artistic touches and how his camera looms for some time over the tranquil lake-front setting in between the very graphic murder sequences. This is an art concept; coupling savagery and the ills of man (greed, lust) with the beauty and serenity of nature, with loud shrieks occasionally piercing through the calm. It's a shame that the later copycats failed to realize the potential found here.

There's a high enough body count and creative kills to entertain most fans of these type of movies. If you try to deeply analyze the plot, you will be somewhat disappointed. But if you can appreciate this as a colorful piece of the macabre, you will love it. There are several jump-out-of-your-seat moments (the best being a surprise awaiting a man who opens his front door) and a truly nasty neck slashing. There's also some brief nudity. The ending is a huge surprise, but definitely more than a little hard to swallow. Then again, this sense of playful parody helps to diffuse some of the gore. If you love horror films, I recommend this one!

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988)

Fun B-movie nonsense!

[6/10 · 30 December 2005]

This campy horror comedy is actually quite fun unlike most of the other films I've seen from David Decoteau, who has an even worse catalog than Fred Olen Ray... Yes that IS possible! Sure it has its share of truly lame moments, but it still pretty much delivers what fans of these kind of movies want to see. Action, horror, hit-or-miss comedy and one-liners, decent production values and some random nudity for the guys. Linnea Quigley is wonderful as the biker babe. The rest of the cast was only so-so. I do always like seeing Michelle Bauer and she had a funny role here. Just today I learned of the passing of Babs (Robin Rochelle Stille) today. R.I.P babe, and movies like this will keep you in the minds and hearts of horror fans all over the world.

American Pie Presents: Band Camp (2005 Video)

Made for idiots, by idiots

[2/10 · 30 December 2005]

If not for my AA (arrested adolescent) boyfriend, I would have never suffered through the piece of drivel. Liking the original American Pie somewhat, but hating the second, this direct-to-video release didn't look too promising. And boy was I right. No wonder it didn't go to theaters... it was excruciating! Everything about it was awful, from the laughable "acting" to the infantile plot to the painfully bad dialog to the most pathetic profanity-laced one-liners I've ever heard, this is just garbage. I honestly could not see an adult getting anything out of this aside from the rampant nudity. Above all else, it is a "comedy" that is not funny. Unless you happen to be a 13 year old boy, I'd avoid it. Then again, if I had a 13 year old, I wouldn't let them anywhere near this piece of trash.

Tad Hilgenbrink or whatever his name is is one of the worst young actors I have ever had the displeasure of viewing. Trying to tolerate him doing a third rate impersonation of Seann William Scott without storming out of the room was truly a chore on my part. Even worse, after an hour and a half of watching him acting rude, obnoxious, childish and thoroughly repellent in every possible way, the filmmakers actually have the nerve to try to get sappy with one of those phony "feel good" endings. Sorry, ain't buying it. But I do hope the Razzie awards have the time to check this out, Hilgenbrick definitely stands a good chance at a "Worst Actor" nod. And who really wants to see his hairy rear end 4 times? I know I don't. And don't get me started on these "high school" girls. Since when does every 16 year old have DD silicone breast implants and look at least 30 years old? I wouldn't have a problem with some of this if the film delivered some laughs. It doesn't. Eugene Levy is wasted and has nothing to work with as the head honcho at the camp. Chris Owen's career obviously has gone nowhere since he appeared in the first pie. Veteran adult star Ginger Lynn Allen shows up as an uptight nurse and is actually one of the best actresses in the film. The leading lady has some potential, it just sucks it was wasted on this bomb!