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AllenTehAwesome
Reviews
The Spirit (2008)
Rockin' Good
On first watch, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I wasn't going in expecting to see Sin City 2, like most people apparently were. I knew it was going to be doofy and over-the-top.
Bottom-line? This movie is hilarious! And not because it's so bad. You can tell Miller was going for campy awesome comedy with this. How can you tell, you ask? Have a look at Scarlett Johansson's acting. She is an actress of the highest caliber, and she doofs it up in this flick. As does everyone, really. What makes it a great comedy is that the characters take their situation and themselves deathly serious. Too many comedies now have doofy characters that know they're in a comedy. This one executed perfectly.
So look, just because you didn't look into the flick and were expecting a noir flick doesn't mean you should shoot it down. I thought it was going to follow the noir runs of The Spirit after the teaser as well, but after the second trailer which had that line "I'm going to kill you all kinds of dead!", I knew I was in for a slap-sticky comedy of awesome proportions written by the great Frank Miller.
Just know you're going to watch an Action-Comedy (which a lot of Eisner's Spirit ended up being) and you won't be disappointed. It's a really funny movie, it looks slick, and it's just a fun ride.
Sheep in the Big City (2000)
This Show Rocks!
All the literal, dry humor, the breaking of the fourth wall, the random bits thrown in for no reason. There is nothing unlikable about this show. If you dislike this show, you probably hate all happiness and just wish the whole world would be as miserable as you.
But I say No Thank You, Sir. I live in a world of joy and happiness, and that is why I love this show.
This show was the best thing to ever happen to Cartoon Network. It was the last truly funny Cartoon Cartoon developed, and it can be summarized in one word: Awesome. But there is a requirement for lines of text in a review, so I will use a few other words: Joyous, Delightful, A Godsend, Beautiful, Wonderful, and was all around the light of my life from ages 10-12, before it was coldly taken from me with little to no chance of a DVD release.
Titanic (1997)
Lame.
Seriously, most over-rated film ever made. It's not so much that it's a particularly bad film, it's just not that great of one. When it came out about ten years ago, I thought it sucked. Most would attribute this to the fact that I was just a small child with little taste in anything. Which is true. When I was young, if there wasn't plenty of violence and cool things in a movie, I hated it.
However, watching this again as a supposed adult, I find that young me was quite right. Titanic was a borefest. It was one lame line after the other. It was just a fictional princess-falls-in-love-with-a-peasant story set during a historical event. What garbage. It didn't even stand out as a love story. It was bland and uneventful. I don't see why it got so much praise. It was such a mediocre piece of work, yet it's supposedly one of the best films of all time. This piece of mediocrity receives such praise while well thought out action, horror, and thriller films get tossed aside and labeled as distasteful exploitation films.
Really, I'm not all about action and violence, but lets give credit and money where they're due. And neither are due here. This was easily the most bland movie ever made. I'd relate watching this to getting jabbed in the eyeballs with butcher knives repetitively for three hours. However, that would actually be more exciting than watching Titanic.
The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
I relate watching this movie to getting a kaleidoscope though my eye...
Really, what does this movie have to offer the the first didn't do 1000x better? I can go through a whole list of things wrong with this movie, but I think I'll just make the shorter list of what is right with this movie.
-Kevin Bacon is not in it.
-Michael Bay did not direct it.
-It didn't win any note-worthy awards.
I love Jurassic Park as if it were my child. I'd have to say it is easily one of the most essential pieces in cinema. It's in a league of it's on. I like to call that league the league of tearing-up. And by tearing-up, I mean neatly serving you your own hind-quarters on fine china with all the trimmings.
Let's go on to what is wrong with The Lost World.
I understand the reasons for this movie not following the book. Because then it would be ultra-boring and leave 99.9% of the people watching it completely confused. Why is this? Well, because the book is just Malcolm going on and on about evolution and adaptation. Interesting read, boring movie. But this abomination of a film is just whole wrong. I think a movie based off the book would have been better than this. Not as entertaining or as fun (as this movie actually was at some points), but definitely better.
This movie, no matter how many times I watch it, will always just seem like a bad dream in my mind. It just leaves a bad tasted. Like that time I chewed on a dead rabbit.
Overall point: This movie leaves me feeling uncomfortable, even when sitting in a micro-fiber message chair. It's awkward and shaky like a palsy victim working in fast-food. It just leaves a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I shouldn't be watching it. Which is why I relate it to getting a kaleidoscope though my eye-socket.
Twister (1996)
Awful
Really, I'm only giving it a 3 because it keeps you entertained. The acting in this movie is very dry. Bill Paxton has to be the worst actor of his status. He's just not good. Other than the acting, the story was just lame. Not a lot happens. It's kind of a "So What?" film. Like, it ends and you don't care at all about what you just saw. I remember being six or seven when I first saw Twister. I was an easily amused child that took everything for what it was and just enjoyed movies without criticizing them. And I still hated Twister. It's just a bland, overall useless, over-rated film.
I mean, this isn't really helping anyone, since almost everyone has seen it. But in the off-chance that you haven't, avoid it at all costs. Even if you have seen it, still avoid it at all costs. You're at someone's house and they put it in? Leave. Rude? Not at all. It's rude to show bad films to your guests. Your girlfriend like it and owns it? Break up with her. Really, there's no need to ever see this movie. There's certainly no need to see it more than once.
Sometimes I have nightmares that I've died and gone to hell. It's not a pit of fire. Just a small theater with one chair, where I sit while Bill Paxton hosts a marathon of Twister playing over and over again for all eternity with commercial interruptions. And every single time I am forced to laugh at the flying cow joke, lest I be prodded violently by Bill Paxton's pitchfork hair-do.