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Life (2017)
Trash
Giving this movie 1 star is not an exaggeration because almost everything about it is wrong: there are huge plot holes that just literally keep on growing as far as both the crew, the "alien life form" and the space station are concerned. Partially one of the big over-used approaches is that the "scientists" in the movie do the EXACT opposite of what scientists would have done - simply to stir up the story-line because otherwise there are a number of ways the move would have ended in a more logical setting but instead the crew literally throw gasoline on the fire time and time again. Besides that there are the over-used character development scenes, scenes of crew having "friction" and what not... literally the foundation of those "stock" plot parts is very, very, very stock.
In a way the movie is such an cringe from start to finish that the worst part is that the end has literally a huge cliffhanger meaning whoever defecated out this big fecal matter plans on doing a sequel. Lord have mercy on the viewers...
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
Refreshing
The top review now is a horrible TL;DR.
Here is a better review: This is an unusual comedy that does NOT go down the already cleared path of cliché movies - be it comedies or otherwise - and not just cracks jokes but at no point presents itself in any serious way. Or rather - is from almost the very start a collection of ridiculous absurdities that are managed and kept in line by a "logical" story. However be warned - this is in a weird, modified way pretty much standard British humour. And that I find very refreshing, and so will probably you too. So go watch it!
Divergent (2014)
Noimaginationvergent
The movie has entertainment value. It had a decent enough set of actors, and a storyline that though gives a hint of a gag reflex coming from time to tome - is okay, and goes down somewhat well. The audience (I am guessing) are teens, hence the obvious lack of plot complexity. Overall - the movie is okay. Nothing special but not too bad either.
However... here comes the fine print: Divergent, The Maze Runner, Hunger Games and probably a couple more franchise movies have all something in common - they have literally the same plot. I defecate you not - every one of them is about a teen or a group of teens living in quasi-post- apocalypse settings, in a society different from our own, where the same protagonists rebel against the established order in their own way and fight "the evil old people in charge" I DARE anyone to prove the opposite! And... of course since it's a teen movie... as already mentioned there is the "youthful rebellion", there is the cliché Hollywood character building that takes almost half the movie and.. oh, of course: the slight sexual tension between the characters.
I feel as if I have been robbed those hours watching these movies, and now I engage in even more waste of time by writing a review. Could just as well be doing reviews of toilet paper.
Terminator Genisys (2015)
simply boring
There's a reason why T2 can be watched over and over again decade after decade: it is such a testament to 80's-styled action movies that the atmosphere alone that the movie has made it a classic. That whole movie is like an ice-cold beer in a can that you down all in one shot... and it's still the same closed, cold, pressurized can even after that that magically "refreshes" and re-seals itself. And what happens here? Nothing new, except perhaps a heavy bet on partial slapstick comedy "filler" on in-between scenes where Arnold's age (as an actor and human being) is made fun of with one-lines like "old, not obsolete!" Oh that's right, let's make a movie that is about the Terminator(s) supposedly, but in reality is about giving Arnold a "retirement cheque" role. Seriously?
Perhaps movies and actors can be generally all jammed into one specific category that seems to be one of the mainstays of modern cinematography: re-hashes, re-boots and re-appearances of actors in roles that they for one reason or another (age most often than any other reason) do not really fit in, but go for it anyway for the big bucks.
I had a girlfriend that possessed a wonderful and edgy sense of humor, she had a saying about older women who are past their prime: "don't they understand that their time is over?" This applies to a lot of things and/or people. A lot of actors... and directors... simply can't admit their time is way past. Hint, hint, Governator.
Inside (2016)
100% descent into pure madness
Played Limbo? No? Go play it now. Then play this. They are awfully similar, and not just because both are made by some danish guys. This game, the "storyline" in it if one can call it that + the atmosphere... is just pure insanity. I have no idea what it's like inside the head of someone who is both artistically gifted and absolutely insane but here one can really get... "inside" it. From start to finish it is thoroughly enjoyable, the scenery changes all the time, the puzzles get ever harder, it never really gets boring and the ending is perhaps the most peculiar thing I ever saw. And just like in limbo - never was something so depressing and so dark so much fun! Just like there are movies with story lines and acting so good that the viewer is mentally raped and feels almost some kind of bruising in the gray matter after the credits start rolling the same exact thing is delivered by this game. Or to put it differently - when art is made as MGM's Latin slogan says - "art for art's sake", it really shows. It really shows that the maker puts his/her soul into the work, and the product becomes more important than turning a buck off it. So much so that it shines like a diamond in the big ocean of boring stuff made by people who are not artists at all. This game is one of those diamonds, no doubt about it.
The Emoji Movie (2017)
But why?
Is there really no creativity left? Is there no shame in releasing such a schmata? Is there really no topic one could pick besides retarded emojis? Stop. Please, please stop. No more. Because if there will be more, then the world will turn into a 100% version of the world in "Idiocracy", and the next big movies will be called "A**", and the next big TV show will be "Ow, my balls!". And it goes beyond "movies" like this - it's as if 9/10 big movies that come out are just literally cinematic fastfood - no thought given. Literally, none at all. "Just make something!"
The Angry Video Game Nerd (2004)
Fun and enjoyable comedy-slash-reviews
One thing is to pick out some old stuff (can be literally anything) and say "gee, remember that...." and another and much more de-jour way of doing it is the way the Nerd does it: slapstick comedy with a constant side note of low budget and clear home-made feel. Overall a very fun and enjoyable show that went on quite well until the Nerd turned it into a movie. And oh boy, was that one serious plunge down the hill...
Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie (2014)
What was he thinking???!!!
So, what did you expect? A bigger and better Nerd episode? Right.. None of the scenes looked anywhere similar - like literally, the whole thing was filmed with 30 different cameras under 100 different lighting conditions! The characters? Only the Nerd is pretty much there, the rest as some nobodies who got invented "on the spot", or so it seems. The storyline? Well the storyline was actually pretty decent, or at least the basic premise was. The acting? The Nerd seems tired and bland throughout the entire movie, like some limp and soulless beta-male.
The problem IMHO is that James had too much of an ego. He could have literally shown how it's done even to the likes of Lloyd Kaufman as far as slapstick and way-over-the-top comedy is concerned, but instead it was James' own little ego trip into Hollywood... or at least the closest he could ever get to it. So much so that it ruined the movie.
Only thing that could have saved it in a way if he (James, as the Nerd perhaps) would have reviewed it and given it both thumbs down. That way everyone would know that he could suppress his ego. But instead he called all critics "haters". Oh well, very sad, because IMHO from that point on James pretty much went downhill with his entire show.