Change Your Image
papadeltazulu
Reviews
Red Letter Day (2019)
Great concept, awful execution
The concept of this film was interesting enough, had it have had a decent budget and some talented people behind it, then I could have seen this film becoming a big hit and a cult classic.
As it is however, it's a real lesson in how not to make a movie. As I said, the idea is interesting and is kind of a twist on the Purge movies, the gore effects, although sparingly used, are really good, there's a scene at the end that is really well done and does make your gut churn. That said, the rest of this film is absolutely abysmal.
The script has people reacting to situations in some of the stupidest ways you can think of, seriously, people just would not react like they were doing to a situation in this film, I lost count of the amount of times I rolled my eyes and face palmed myself, I have a bruise on my forehead to prove it.
Some of the characters in the film are so over the top and unlikable, there's just no one to relate to or care about.
The acting is where this film really does fall on its face though, the mother character is about the most professional in the film and even she is bang average. The 2 grown up kids are absolutely awful, where any of them gained their acting skills from is anyones guess but their acting is so bad, it completely takes you out of any scene they're in.
The son's attempt to portray fright and terror is cringe inducing.
There's some attempts at humorous dialogue which could have been quite amusing if delivered properly but again, the acting and line delivery just ruins even this.
The music in the film is hilarious, not that the music itself is bad, but its the way in which it used, it's a high tempo score, the type to play in tense situations to ramp up the tension but half the time it's being played during scenes of banter and simple dialogue, where nothing is happening. It's so out of place and when some type of action scene does happen, you're so fed up of hearing it being played in the background, that it has no effect.
The editing is poor, there's a scene where the mother and daughter are playing a crappy looking 2 player game on the TV and the son is demanding that when they're finished, he wants the next go. Then it cuts to the mother and daughter talking and looking at their phones with the joypads on their knees, and yet somehow, their game characters are still jumping up and around platforms on their TV.
The film is one of the shortest I've ever watched, if you take out the credits scenes, it's about an hour long, the ending is weird and I guess, open ended for a sequel, but if it's the same people involved, I for one, won't be watching it.
If you don't mind terrible acting, awful characters and script, bad editing and music and you just want to see bits of well done gore, then maybe give this a watch but for anyone else, avoid it like the plague, there's far, far better movies of this type out there.
A Night of Horror: Nightmare Radio (2019)
6.5??? Really???
So this film has a 6.5 rating on here (at the time of writing) and I have no idea how.
I watched this last night and it's appalling, yes I admit, i have seen worse anthology films but that doesn't excuse this awful film.
The lead actor who plays the DJ is one of the worst actors I've ever seen, if he was any more wooden you could use him to build a fence around your garden.
Yes the dialogue he's given is so awful that Robert De niro would probably have struggled to put in a convincing performance with it, but his line delivery and facial expressions are comically bad.
Speaking of the dialogue, it really does show the level of skill involved here when, in this day and age, the writer chooses to write lines like this.
Radio DJ takes a studio call from one of his female listeners.
Caller: Hi my name is Joanne
DJ: Hey! you've got a sexy voice, what do you want to talk about today?
Seriously, who wrote that, a horny 13 year old? It's awful, What radio DJ would address a female caller in that way?
The short stories range from so short and pointless that they have zero effect on the viewer, to dull and boring and they even throw in a foreign language segment because, you know, nothing makes and English speaking film more classy than a subtitled story shoved into the middle. It's so out of place. NONE and I mean this, NONE of the stories are scary, creepy or un-nerving and there's zero atmosphere to get wrapped up in.
The acting on the whole is absolutely abysmal, some of the radio callers voices are hilariously bad, the effects aren't too bad, they're not terrible and there is obviously some effort gone into them but it can't save this turkey.
I'm completely certain that the score for this will come down after a few weeks, as I do feel there's been a lot of fake upvotes involved here.
I've given it a 1 purely for that reason.
An honest rating for this would have been a 3, maybe a 3.5 but it's no where near a 6.5.
Not the worst horror anthology out there, it's not Creepshow 3 bad but it's about on par with another rubbish horror anthology i watched recently "XX"
Avoid.
Frozen II (2019)
For YOUNG children only
Just saw a screening of this for free as a friend of mine had won a couple of tickets to go see it.
I'm quite a fan of modern day animated movies, I like Wreck it Ralph, Toy Story and Monsters Inc etc but i wasn't the greatest fan of the original Frozen movie. Sure it had its moments but it wasn't one of the best ones out there. Just ok.
Having just come back from seeing this one, it's more of the same but seems to have less charm and there's almost zero for adults to enjoy.
At least with movies like the ones i just mentioned, they're loads of fun for kids but also have a lot of adult humour in there to keep the parents entertained. There's very little in this one that you can say that about, it's so safe and tame that anyone over 6 or 7 years old will quickly get bored.
Frozen 2 seems like a cash grab to me, the story is less fun, it feels like it written in a few days, the jokes are, for the most part, terrible and the songs are just awful, headache inducing.
Don't get me wrong, the main song in the first one has become famous for making parents worldwide, tear thier hair out everytime they hear it. But when it first came out, it was a charming song to listen to every now and then (not, however, on repeat for hours and hours like most parents had to endure).
In Frozen 2, none of the songs are remotely fun enough for kids to want to play them over and over, so i think parents may be spared the same fate this year.
Overall, I found this film to be quite dull and I was glad when it finished, the snowman, Olav or Olaf or something, has a few funny lines but they're only that, a few, it's colourful, noisy and I am sure younger children will absolutely love it, but for the poor adults taking them and even for slightly older kids, there's very little here of interest.
Save your money for something else to entertain your young ones for the day, it will be money better spent.
Halloween at Aunt Ethel's (2019)
This is the first time I've ever done this...
.....Written a review of a movie based solely off of the trailer.
I usually always watch a movie through before reviewing it, but looking at the ridiculously high score on here and the glowing reviews that have either been paid for, or written by people associated with the film, I feel the need to draw peoples attention away from those fakers.
Seriously, watch the trailer for this film and you'll see straight away that this looks like a really bad student film, the acting is awful, the dialogue is embarrassing and the film looks like it was filmed on someones mobile phone. The sound design is atrocious and there's not even any attempt at real make up, the actresses have facial spots, look like thier hair hasn't been brushed for a week and the sets...I mean...locations (I.E. The directors house) haven't even been dressed. It look like any old Joe has walked into a random house with a cheap camcorder and started filming.
I'd have more respect for these low budget horror films if they didn't resort to trying to cheat the system to get noticed.
The Night Sitter (2018)
How is this getting good reviews?
I saw the trailer for this and read some of the glowing reviews and was really looking forward to it. It looked and sounded like a good old 80's throwback horror film. Trust me, it isn't.
The acting in the film, for the most part is fine and the setting is quite weird and atmospheric and the set up is promising enough.
But then the film just goes nowhere, it takes an age for anything to happen, it has some of the most dislikable characters I've ever seen on film, seriously, there's not one person in the film I had any connection to, they're all awful people or complete idiots.
They all say and do the dumbest things that completely suspend any belief, EG. Criminals go into a house to rob the place while the owner is out having a dinner date, so they have only a few hours to get the job done, then, for no reason, they decide to wonder off into the bedroom to take drugs and have sex without so much as taking a single item, who would do that???It makes no sense.
Then there's the camera work, the whole film seems to have a haze over the picture that makes the focus blurry for no reason. Any action or horror scenes take place while the camera is wobbled all over the place so you can't see what's going on, there's very little gore in the film but what there is looks fine but the 3 witches who are the main monsters in the film, you never see them, it's just 3 actors in black cloaks who come and go as the films plot needs them to. You never see anything because the budget is obviously so low they couldn't afford decent enough effects to show them. It literally is just that, 3 people in black cloak peeping around corners and then back ing off again.
Most of the film is shot with blue and red lighting but its so dark that half the time you just can't see what's happening, I hate films that do this, it's lazy.
The music in the film is weird and the whole thing is quite a miserable and uncomfortable experience.
This did have potential but unfortunately, it's handled so poorly that it's not even worth watching for free on cable.
Avoid.
I Spit on Your Grave: Deja Vu (2019)
I spit on this film
This has got to be a contender for the worst sequel of all time title. I was so looking forward to this as I really enjoyed the first one all those years ago and was interested in seeing where Jennifer Hills character ended up after the first movie. But whoah! I didn't expect this dross.
I've no idea who this is even aimed at, it's not shocking or graphic, it's so badly written and poorly acted and is full of some of the most awful characters ever put onto film.
Maria Olsen's character is so weird and over the top that she ruins every scene she's in. There's countless scenes where people just turn up at the right place and time to push the film onto the next scene, almost as if they have psychic powers and teleportation devices. (Oh look, our main protagonist just ran off into a massive forest and within seconds runs straight into the bad guys who are standing around at the exact spot for her to run into, what a coincidence)
All the hicks in the film are depressingly over the top, idiotic and weird. The main heroines in the film do some of the most stupid things imaginable, it leaves you face palming yourself every few minutes, like seeing one of the villains coming towards you with a knife and despite you having a gun in your hand you........TURN YOUR BACK ON THEM AND START BANGING ON A DOOR, It's cringeworthy to sit through.
Some of the dialogue in this abomination seems like it was written by a depressed crack smoking teen, seriously, you won't believe how bad some of the lines are. I spent half of the film cringing and wincing at some of the things the bad guys come out with.
The main woman in this film is supposed to be the worlds no 1 supermodel who turns down half million dollar offers for fun, yet come on, while she's not a particularly unpleasant woman to look at, there's no way anyone who looks like her would be the worlds most famous model, they didn't even try to get someone stunning for the role. Even her hair and clothes suggest she's just an average woman, there's nothing glam about her whatsoever, so taking this serious is hard to do.
The film rolls in at nearly TWO AND A HALF HOURS and there's a reason for this. Countless scenes of things that should last a few seconds like a character raking up leaves that go one for minutes at a time. Scenes of dialogue that just go on and on without ever adding to the story etc etc
If you found any joy in the 1978 film or any of the reboot trilogy, then avoid this one, it's woeful.
Braid (2018)
I couldn't sit through it
I tried, I really did but this film was just far too weird to sit through, I made it maybe 50 minutes in and just gave up on it. It's just completely weird and to be honest, really boring and dull. Whoever wrote and directed this piece of utter tripe really does have serious psychological issues. It's cheap looking, slow and so trippy that it makes you feel like you've just taken some kind of hallucinogen. A pointless attempt at an art house movie that's neither a horror or a thriller. Avoid.
Frenzy (2018)
Why do they make films like this?
Seriously, I could get past the dreadful, lazy special effects, I could get past the dire acting, the dialogue that feels like it was written by a 12 year old online gaming addict, hell, I could even get past the woeful direction and editing, where in one scene a shark is 15 feet behind someone travelling at full speed and the next, it's half a mile behind them but I just can not get past the absolute stupidity of the characters in this film. Human beings are not capable of acting so ridiculously STUPID when thier lives are in danger. Some of the characters decision making in this flick is nauseating. I literally have a bruise on my forehead from the amount of times I slapped my palm into it. You feel absolutely zero sympathy for anyone in this film because they're all so bloody dim, they all deserve thier fates. Oh, and some of the ridiculous ways they kill the sharks, Wow! It beggars belief.
Stay away from this clunker of a film, it's awful and really does make you feel like you've lost brain cells after sitting through it. It makes Jaws the revenge look worthy of an Oscar.
Roid Rage (2011)
Someone gave this a SEVEN?? Really?
Just watched this as part of the "minutes to midnight" anthology film and all I can say is, this has to be the worst horror short I've ever seen. Acting so bad it would make Ed Wood cringe, dialogue so appalling, it's like a stoned 12 year old wrote it and effects that are anything but special. The minutes to midnight film is below average at best but this one is definitely the worst of the bunch. Awful.
Monsterland 2 (2019)
Worse than creepshow 3, no really, it is
This is without doubt the weirdest and most incoherent horror anthology film I've ever watched. It's just over an hour long and is comprised of 6 segments. Here they are.
Segment 1 "Brace face", this is stupid, pointless, badly acted, and has zero point to it. It's some kind of spin on the zombie, vampire....Thing but it's just odd for the sake of it and badly made.
segment 2, "White drift", a boring werewolf segment that seems to go on for ages without anything happening, it has one of the most stupidest female characters I've ever seen in any horror film, seriously, there isn't a human being on this planet this level of dumb. The werewolf is in it for about 20 seconds and attempts to bite a victim about 30 times in quick succession and barely causes a scratch, it just wiggles it's head around while the camera wobble all over, it's awful.
Segment 3, "Wormbug", ridiculous plot, a rubber monster parasite that talks, the mouth doesn't move when it speaks, it moves like someone has it on a stick off camera and it's just weird. Really leaves you scratching your head.
Segment 4, "The flea" wtf, no seriously, W.T.F? I've no idea what to say about this one, a baby killer? a guy that mutters jumbled garbage and some bloke in a house with an old man in the attic, that said baby killer wants to kill, honest to God, I just have no idea what this segment is even trying to say, it's just a bunch of random scenes with no point to them, it's dire.
Segment 5, "Justice served" a weird and boring courtroom drama type thing with a, I have say neat little twist to it, but it's so dull and cheap looking that it takes away any interest it may have had, it pains me to say it, but this was probably the best of the bunch and I use the term "Best" as loosely as I can because it's still garbage but at least this one seems to have some form of story to it.
Segment 6, "A simple procedure", how this is even classed as a short film I'll never know, it's literally 30 seconds long, I've seen advertisements longer than this, I can't really say if it's good or bad because there's just nothing to it and this brings the film to it's end, thank the Lord.
Please stay away from this Godawful anthology film, it really is the worst one I've seen (and I sat through Creepshow 3 and XX) It's so cheap looking, badly acted, I dread to think how many pages the scripting took up because most of the stories have no point or narrative, it's weird as hell, but not in a good way, the effects, what few there are, are terrible, it's just an all round dire, depressing experience.
Update, this film seems to have gotten a small bunch of 10/10 ratings since I wrote the review which has bumped up the IMDB rating, trust me, these are either paid for ratings or ratings from people connected to the film, this film is a 1 out of 10, 2 if you wanted to be really really generous (and I'm not generous, sorry) Terrible cash grab of a film.
Blood Clots (2018)
WTF did I just watch?
This has to be one of the worst anthology horror movies I've ever seen. Some of the make up effects are very well done I'll give it that but seriously, some of the stories are like 2 minutes long, it's pathetic. The first 3 stories last about 15 minutes COMBINED, hell, the whole movie is just over an hour long if you don't include the credits. The Hellyfish segment is interesting and would make a good feature movie if it had a budget to speak of but the rest of the stories range from completely pointless to just weird.
It's not as bad as Creepshow 3 but it's not far behind. Oh and the trailer says this film has one of the best kill scenes in a film ever....WHERE? There's generic Zombie kills, a decapitation scene similar to the one in Wrong turn and a few off screen kills with blood splatter effects, absolutely NOTHING you haven't seen before.
Avoid this at all costs, rubbish.
The Meg (2018)
The Mug
This should have a been a great film from a decent series of books. But for one thing, the casting of the film is way off, not one character comes off as convincing here. Jason Statham is as wooden and one dimensional as he always is, which is fine in an over the top silly action flick like Crank, but in a film adaptation of a book that's fairly scientific and straight laced, he just ruins it. There's no suspense, very few thrills and a MASSIVE over reliance on awful one liners that just get chucked at the screen at the most improper times. Seriously, there's a one liner thrown in seconds after every death, it so inappropriate and mis guided. Even in an out and out comedy, the jokes used in this film would fail to get a laugh, they're awful.
The special effects are great and there are a couple of set pieces that are quite cool but take those out and all you're left with is another terrible Asylum movie. I'm only surprised there wasn't a giant 12 headed crocodile or a robotic Meg turning up for the finale.
If you enjoy dross like Mega shark vs Crocasaurus or 5 headed shark attack, you'll probably enjoy this but for those of us looking for something a little more serious and competently made like Jaws or The Reef, avoid it like a disease.
Terrifier (2016)
Has its flaws but still one of the creepiest killer clown movies out there
This obviously low budget killer clown flick had me in two minds. Finding out it was a re-imagining of the horror short or the same name, that eventually found its way into the horror anthology film "All hallows eve" kind of put me off. I saw that film a while ago and although Art the clown was a terrifying clown to look at, the film itself did nothing for me.
Then after reading all the reviews on here, most of them completely glowing I was even more sceptical. Most low budget films on here are riddled with 10 star reviews from the crew and cast members so it's hard to trust reviews from people who have written ONE glowing review on a new movie.
However, this film deserves all the plaudits it is getting if you are looking for a gruesome, un-nerving and downright bonkers horror film.
Makes Pennywise look like Krusty was one of the comments I read, yeah right, then I watched it and was like, ok, so it actually makes Pennywise look like one of the Grumbleweeds, nevermind Krusty.
Art the clown is freakin terrifying in this, I don't know who the guy playing him is, I've never heard of him before but he deserves so much credit for bringing this evil beast to life. He is so creepy and brutal, it's difficult to watch at times and the death scenes in this film make Saw and Hostel look tame.
Yes it's not perfect by any means, the acting from some of the side characters could have been better (the main cast are fine) and one of the female victims in the second half of the film does some really stupid things that got on my nerves a bit and it is one of those films where (this always annoys me with horror movies) several victims have the villain at their mercy, lying on the ground while they are standing up holding a weapon, and what do they do? They run away and leave the villain to get back up again, really? You've just seen this clown brutally murder your friend and has attempted to murder you, you have him lying on the ground, completely at your mercy and what do you do? Finish him off and then make your escape? Nope, you leave him breathing, discard your weapon and run away, it's cliché and tired.
However, people who watch films like this generally come for the atmosphere, the scares and the gore and in that department, Terrifier delivers in spades. everything reeks of the 80's despite it being set in modern times from the way its filmed, the music, the camera work etc but it really does have to be one of the most brutal, unforgiving and absolutely relentless horror films I've ever watched.
Art the clown is great and is easily one of the most memorable movie monsters I've seen, despite the fact he never speaks or makes a noise, his screen presence is immense.
There is no CGI in this film and all the special effects are done practical and they look great, it shy's away from nothing and the effects look as realistic as they could have done. The effects team put a lot of effort in here.
If you're one of those people who watch movies and pick holes in them, then you might not enjoy this as there are holes to pick at and if you don't enjoy torture porn like Saw and Hostel, again, avoid, but if like me, you like good slasher films, brutality in all its glory and a film that makes you squirm in your seat, then chances are, you're gonna love this.
Low budget, lovingly made for its target audience, brutal, creepy and an absolute blast of a horror film.
8/12 10
Metamorphosis: The Alien Factor (1990)
4.4, REALLY???
This is surely one of the worst films ever made, the 10 star reviews citing excellent special effects and great suspense must be from cast and crew members, they have to be.
This film is hard to get through, awful effects, bits of rubber dripping with petroleum jelly, stop motion so bad it makes some kids programs look good, the worst acting you'll ever see in a movie, it's beyond bad, some of the lines of dialogue and the delivery is on par with Troll 2. It really is an awful film, I borrowed this from a friend who told me how bad it was, so I thought I'd see for myself, hoping it was one of those so bad it's good flicks. Nope, it's just so bad it's really bad and I felt ripped off despite the fact I watched it for free.
Stay away from this dud, it has to be one of the worst films I've ever sat through.
Day of the Dead: Bloodline (2017)
Even worse than the 2008 remake
There's not much point going into detail about this, plenty before me have said it all. Dreadful script, awful acting, poorly filmed and has people doing the most dumb stupid things you'll ever see on film. It's infuriating to sit through, predictable as hell and actually makes the 2008 movie look good in comparison (if that's possible) simple but ok special effects can't save this one from being a contender for worst horror film of the year.
Avoid.