Literally John Wick but Jason Stathum, was a good 5 stars until I realized they had Josh Hutcherson playing an evil hipster NFT guy, immediately 10/10 stars. This move was definitely written by someone who has zero idea how any of this tech works, but I can look past it because Stathum says like 20 worlds total and just drudges around the entire movie. Everyone in this was paid around 20 dollars because I know they can all act, it's just not happening in this movie. The dialogue in this movie was probably written by AI but I can also look past that because the awkwardness adds to the movies charm.
Reviews
11 Reviews
Lady Ballers
(2023)
I'm not a liberal I swear
3 December 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I know that conservative media is few and far between. And when someone does manage to make a "conservative " movie or show usually it's lacking quality in cinematography and audio etc.. so I'm writing this review with the understanding that making a movie is hard. But that doesn't mean that any conservative movie is above criticism.
First of all the trailer shows WAAAY too many of the funniest movie beats. That is automatically a no go, since you've exhausted all your cards before your audience has even hit play on the movie itself. This is a major problem in mainstream media films as well.
Secondly this movie is entirely too long. This may be an editing problem as well but some jokes and scenes go on for way too long. It feels as though this movie is a series of "bits" strung together very awkwardly by extended scenes. Each bit is funny by itself, but it loses its momentum when dragged out.
Thirdly, this movie takes too much time getting to the main plot. The opening of the movie is good and well paced but after that it drags itself out and you find yourself asking your family members "how long is this movie?" And then finding out you're not even halfway through. This is something that your audience should never experience. You want someone to sit down and be satisfied with the timeline of your movie. It's fine if you drag some parts out for suspense or for shock but it shouldn't ever cause your viewer to feel as if they have to "get through" your movie.
Now another problem I had was the reporter lady and her character. She was used as a joking comment/criticism of the lack of honesty from journalists in our society. That's all fine and was definitely funny because it rang true to our current society, but her being the prime antagonist was a poor choice. Her character added nothing good to the plot. Honestly remove her and you miss out on nothing but a few bad sex jokes. She's supposed to be the driving force behind all this but the movie has already shown that the coach is willing to dress his team up in drag to win anyways, without her intervention. He signs his own kid up for the woman's race and intuitively the plot could've taken over for the reporters part and had the coach's character be the one to convince his team that they could dominate in all the categories. Clearly he was heading that way on his own, so why add another character? Unfortunately all she did was make the awkward scenes more awkward with her "romance" subplot with the coach.
The other two characters I had a problem with was the brothers. I don't remember anyone's name (which is also saying something about the movie) and I don't care enough to look them up. I can't tell you a single joke I laughed at when the brothers showed up. Again they were there for sex jokes, like the reporter lady. I'm not saying you can't have crude jokes in your movie, but you could tell that the movie wanted more shock from the audience rather than laughter. It also muddled the message this movie was trying to portray. It's mocking a real life belief that men can become woman and that they can dominate in women's sports fairly. This movie is a comedy, but at its core it's really a commentary, and when you dumb it down so much that it feels like your brain has turned to mush after you've watched it, you lose the message in the process. Who's to say that this movie isn't mocking those who think that women can't be men? It doesn't take itself seriously enough to make a point which is what they were trying to do originally.
This review is really long I know but I wanted to mention a few other critiques that I personally had
1: when will producers realize that showing kids o no phones texting and adding the texting and tweeting noises en mass is not funny. Literally no teenager has their phone off of silent mode. If you do you're a weirdo. The better way to portray obsessed phone kids is to keep them silent and ignoring the coach while looking at their phones, maybe light giggling, or scowling as they harshly type a message out. Personally it would've been funny if they added a teenager clearly taking pictures of himself on snap chat because that is more realistic that your average stock text sound.
2: The ok boomer thing has never been funny. Please let it die 3: Matt Walsh's little "bit?" At the end of the movie entirely ruined his character. He was literally the best part of the movie. The ending with him and Candace had absolutely NO reason to be there at all. I get they wanted cameos from all the talking heads at daily wire but they should've stuck Candace IN THE MOVIE like they did with Shapiro,Cooper,Knowles,Walsh etc... And then revealing that Matt Walsh was actually not a vegan hippie high out of his mind was a stupid decision. I don't know if they were trying to tease a sequel or what but it was confusing and terrible execution.
Now I didn't give this movie zero stars for a reason, there were positives.
The video and sound were very good especially for a lower budget smaller studio.
There were funny jokes before being ruined by continuation.
Most of the actors did a good job. There was over a thing but not as much as one might think.
The main basketball players facial expressions are hilarious. He did a fantastic job. Him and Felix were the best guys in this movie.
The "cameos" by dailywire staff was for the most part funny and "natural"
All in all it was not super fun to watch, but the concept and a few of the jokes were hilarious, and you could tell there was some passion behind this film. Producing media is hard in an industry where literally everyone is against you. Hopefully we'll see some improvement in the future.
First of all the trailer shows WAAAY too many of the funniest movie beats. That is automatically a no go, since you've exhausted all your cards before your audience has even hit play on the movie itself. This is a major problem in mainstream media films as well.
Secondly this movie is entirely too long. This may be an editing problem as well but some jokes and scenes go on for way too long. It feels as though this movie is a series of "bits" strung together very awkwardly by extended scenes. Each bit is funny by itself, but it loses its momentum when dragged out.
Thirdly, this movie takes too much time getting to the main plot. The opening of the movie is good and well paced but after that it drags itself out and you find yourself asking your family members "how long is this movie?" And then finding out you're not even halfway through. This is something that your audience should never experience. You want someone to sit down and be satisfied with the timeline of your movie. It's fine if you drag some parts out for suspense or for shock but it shouldn't ever cause your viewer to feel as if they have to "get through" your movie.
Now another problem I had was the reporter lady and her character. She was used as a joking comment/criticism of the lack of honesty from journalists in our society. That's all fine and was definitely funny because it rang true to our current society, but her being the prime antagonist was a poor choice. Her character added nothing good to the plot. Honestly remove her and you miss out on nothing but a few bad sex jokes. She's supposed to be the driving force behind all this but the movie has already shown that the coach is willing to dress his team up in drag to win anyways, without her intervention. He signs his own kid up for the woman's race and intuitively the plot could've taken over for the reporters part and had the coach's character be the one to convince his team that they could dominate in all the categories. Clearly he was heading that way on his own, so why add another character? Unfortunately all she did was make the awkward scenes more awkward with her "romance" subplot with the coach.
The other two characters I had a problem with was the brothers. I don't remember anyone's name (which is also saying something about the movie) and I don't care enough to look them up. I can't tell you a single joke I laughed at when the brothers showed up. Again they were there for sex jokes, like the reporter lady. I'm not saying you can't have crude jokes in your movie, but you could tell that the movie wanted more shock from the audience rather than laughter. It also muddled the message this movie was trying to portray. It's mocking a real life belief that men can become woman and that they can dominate in women's sports fairly. This movie is a comedy, but at its core it's really a commentary, and when you dumb it down so much that it feels like your brain has turned to mush after you've watched it, you lose the message in the process. Who's to say that this movie isn't mocking those who think that women can't be men? It doesn't take itself seriously enough to make a point which is what they were trying to do originally.
This review is really long I know but I wanted to mention a few other critiques that I personally had
1: when will producers realize that showing kids o no phones texting and adding the texting and tweeting noises en mass is not funny. Literally no teenager has their phone off of silent mode. If you do you're a weirdo. The better way to portray obsessed phone kids is to keep them silent and ignoring the coach while looking at their phones, maybe light giggling, or scowling as they harshly type a message out. Personally it would've been funny if they added a teenager clearly taking pictures of himself on snap chat because that is more realistic that your average stock text sound.
2: The ok boomer thing has never been funny. Please let it die 3: Matt Walsh's little "bit?" At the end of the movie entirely ruined his character. He was literally the best part of the movie. The ending with him and Candace had absolutely NO reason to be there at all. I get they wanted cameos from all the talking heads at daily wire but they should've stuck Candace IN THE MOVIE like they did with Shapiro,Cooper,Knowles,Walsh etc... And then revealing that Matt Walsh was actually not a vegan hippie high out of his mind was a stupid decision. I don't know if they were trying to tease a sequel or what but it was confusing and terrible execution.
Now I didn't give this movie zero stars for a reason, there were positives.
The video and sound were very good especially for a lower budget smaller studio.
There were funny jokes before being ruined by continuation.
Most of the actors did a good job. There was over a thing but not as much as one might think.
The main basketball players facial expressions are hilarious. He did a fantastic job. Him and Felix were the best guys in this movie.
The "cameos" by dailywire staff was for the most part funny and "natural"
All in all it was not super fun to watch, but the concept and a few of the jokes were hilarious, and you could tell there was some passion behind this film. Producing media is hard in an industry where literally everyone is against you. Hopefully we'll see some improvement in the future.
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish
(2022)
What happens when you care
8 January 2023
Now I know that the top animation studios want mass production and marketable characters. The billions of dollars they bring in should mean that there's at least some heart in the mass production. In a world where animation has literally peaked with graphics and realism you have two options to stay in the game: 1:Great storytelling and originality, and 2: Stylize the crap out of your movies. While Disney has definitely brought in some stylization primarily with Luca and then turning red, the story writing is still lacking. Dreamworks looked at those two options and said "why not both". Bad guys is another great example of this. Studios need to realize that the animation community isn't just for kids, and when they produce films like Spiderverse where all the animation nerds make YouTube videos on the freaking frame rate, there is a business in styling your movies. Also I noticed how recently there hasn't been a token "cute character thst sells well" in the recent dreamworks movies. They fully focused into making unique character designs, even if it meant not getting the toy sells. Puss in boots has great writing, excellent character arcs, hell my parents laughed, my young cousins laughed, and my teenage siblings laughed. EVERYONE laughed. The textures are amazing, the world building is incredible, character design is immaculate, it feels very alive. It wasn't an over saturation of color like most mass productions are, which real atmosphere being created. Voice acting was incredible. The soundtrack was incredible and yes, the fight scenes were incredible. Honestly if you love animation, or even if you don't, see this movie. If we want to see studios do more of this (like spiderverse and bad guys) we need to show interest. Well done Dreamworks.
Moonfall
(2022)
I was shiny hunting during this movie
10 May 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Going in circles hatching eggs was more entertaining than this movie. First off, this movie is horrible at establishing timelines. It goes through two time skips in the first 15 minutes, and then when all the moon stuff starts happening a time skip happens, which you can see in the backgrounds, but it isn't established through story or dialogue. The moon goes crazy and then next scene the entire earth has gone wack. I was very confused on how much time had passed. Second the acting is very very terrible. Lines come out of nowhere, character relationships are so clunky and unnatural, there's too many characters with no purpose, it's really bad. Third, which I know what I'm about to complain about is very common for action flicks, but the characters are so slow moving and have bad reaction time. They take forever to get out of the way it's really annoying. I haven't reached the end of the movie yet but I wouldn't recommend.
Death on the Nile
(2022)
Did not read the book
7 May 2022
Like the title says I didn't read the book. I wasn't even aware it was based on a book until I read the reviews. I came home to my parents already watching it, they were about 20 minutes in. I sat down and watched it with them and 20 minutes later we're still not far into the plot. After 40 minutes of "setup" the main mystery begins. It follows the usual pattern, make everyone have a motive and then slowly kill more people off. The twist wasn't amazing, but it wasn't terrible either and the puzzle does click when you think back. The acting wasn't bad, maybe a little dramatic especially at the very end. It's basically two movies, the first half is a boring romance story, and the second half a "who dunnit". Nice movie for a summer family movie night, but if you're an avid mystery fan and have seen knives out, it probably won't suit your fancy.
Alex Rider
(2020–2024)
Book fan so take that as you will
30 November 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Episode one I begged my sister who never read the books to not watch the show while I was within five miles of the tv. I am too lazy to get up so I have been watching the first episode. I don't think it was smart to start with point blanc, as storm breaker was a great entry to the series. I don't like this shows Alex, or Jack so far, Ian wasn't great but he was dead pretty much right away but in a less cool way than the books. The shows lighting is very dreary and dim. Alex is too much of an angsty teen and not like how he was in the books. I'm obviously biased, if you've never read the books you will probably enjoy this series.
Home Sweet Home Alone
(2021)
I'm writing this 30 mins in
21 November 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Like the title says I'm barely halfway through the movie but I dislike the kid so much I'm writing my review early. Whoever approved this script needs to be so fired. The "main" kid is a horrible brat, who talks back to his mom for no reason, and hates his family for being annoying. Unlike the original home alone, his family doesn't bully him, there's like one scene where he's written off because of all the chaos and any sympathy you feel for him is gone when he bothers his mom on the phone with the airlines. Any part I laughed at was more because of cringe and not because the joke was actually funny. Also there's at least two scenes of an actors face full on showing you the mashed up food in their mouth, it's weird. Anyways the kid is the real villain, the "heroes" are just an idiot couple. Idiot couples can be super funny, not these two. I despise this movie with my entire being. We all knew it was a cash grab Disney, it didn't have to be the worst cash grab on the planet.
Horizon Line
(2020)
Haha it really is bad
16 January 2021
Ok so I read the reviews. My brother wanted to try it so we did. My goodness it is so so so SO cringey. Horrid acting. Plot is barely set up. We spent the first hour trying to figure out where they were.
I laughed at the first half of the movie and then got told to shut up and spent the rest on my phone. Really don't watch it. Not even for laughs it's so boring and it made me physically mad.
Ad Astra
(2019)
Yeah..
14 March 2020
Let me just give credit where credit is due: Incredible cinematography and sound design, and personally I liked the concept and execution of human civilization on other planets. BUT Brad Pitt just looks tired and sad the whole movie. That may be the point I don't know. I quit paying attention halfway through. The plot feels like it's leading up to tension. Spoiler! There is no tension! The plot is very slow, and it gets really absurd. I know space movies are never even close to factual, but you at least have to draw the line at common sense. These are astronauts they know better. Im writing movie reviews instead of watching this bland pile of garbage.
Manifest
(2018–2023)
It gets worse as it goes on
14 March 2020
Honestly I liked this show when it first started. Interesting concept. Then we started New Amsterdam, binged that, and came back to manifest while we waited for N.A's new season. Holy cow, The quality gap. Acting is ok I guess. Could be better, could be worse. The show is making it very hard to like the main characters. Stupid decision after stupid decision. Honestly they need to just wrap up the show. It's getting really absurd. We only still watch it to laugh at the cheesy acting and insane plot. TLDR; Starts good, gets absurd and cheesy, just end the show already.
Spies in Disguise
(2019)
Surprised
25 December 2019
Ok so I'm very into animation and everything and history behind studios. I went into this movie with low expectations. Blue sky was always just kind of there. My family never went to see any of their movies in theaters. It's Christmas and we went with a cute kids movie because we were seeing it with grandparents. I was blown away. Yes it is kind of a predictable plot but it has a nice spin on it. I liked the emphasis on how violence isn't always the option, and how the movie delivered it in a non cheesy way. Tom Holland and Will Smith worked great together. I laughed a lot. Animation was colorful and fluid and I was surprised how much action was in this movie. I liked how it was an original idea and not just another sequel. Walked out happy, had a great time. Fun to see with family!
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