Change Your Image
clairesmaybin
Reviews
Demon Eye (2019)
Another no.
British horror is an oxymoron. British films are mostly an oxymoron. And I'm British. British films seem to be centred on really bad language (we're not all like that, people) and broad accents - we're not all like that either. I hate the way we're portrayed in films - we don't all swear all the time and some of us are quite cultured. This film is ok with the portrayal of people. But they're boring. And the film is boring. The acting is boring. It's a complete nothingfest. Other reviews say it made them jump. When was that?? Avoid if you have to pay.
There is no coherence. The actors are just 'meh'. Sorry to sound like a curmudgeon but am fed up paying for films on Amazon that are complete rubbish. I gave up on this twice: the first time at 30 minutes and the second at around one hour 15. Just don't bother.
And now I've watched it all. Don't bother. It's dreadful and painful. Really, really painful.
The Jack in the Box (2019)
Not awful
I'm always looking for something to watch because I'm not interested in the TV offerings like 'Love Island' and similar. This wasn't too bad, actually. A hundred times better than a couple of others I've had the misfortune to choose and pay for in the last couple of days. A new concept in horror (well, I've not seen a Jack in the Box horror before) and not badly done. The ending was completely foreseeable and actually foreshadowed in the dialogue, so that was predictable. But not dreadful.
Close Your Eyes (2019)
Just no
Another Amazon Prime offering that offers nothing at all. And I paid for it, too. Three unlikeable women holed up in a house with all the shrieking that goes with it and a poor guy having to put up with it. No reason and no resolution. Awful. No reviews here, either. Let that be a lesson to me and I hope it helps those who come after me. Don't bother.
Widow's Walk (2019)
Why can't the British do films?
And I'm British. I actively avoid British films because of the stupidly thick accents and the swearing. Most of us British don't swear every other word and some of us have quite acceptable manners
Naked Fear (2007)
Why oh why (spoilers)
The story is ok. The acting is mostly not bad. But why do people whose life is in danger do the 'one hit and run away'? If it was me, I would be absolutely making sure. There was a gun and he was unconscious- why the heck did she not just shoot him? Even if there was no gun, I'd have hacked his head off his shoulders with a rock while he was unconscious to stop him coming after me. The stupidity of people in films gets boring and same-y.
H8RZ (2015)
Not too bad
SPOILERS
It wasn't a bad film, but was spoiled for me because I could see all along that the protagonist was not male and that was ticking over in my mind the whole time. So the denouement wasn't even a little bit of a surprise - it was a confirmation. The opposite of a drag queen - they don't look female , and the actress in this could not help what she actually is: female. People are comparing this to the 'Usual suspects" which I have not seen so can't comment on that. Not really the sort of film you could watch again.
Monster (2018)
Don't be fooled by the ratings
First thing - it's a British film. That means it's full of common accents and unpleasant swearing. I could write that line ten times over to reach the minimum required. I'm English and I wish that someone would just stop these people making films. We don't all swear with every other word. Some of us can actually articulate. Some of us live in places where we might have a slight regional accent but we are actually understandable and we don't all sound 'as common as muck' and swear every other word. It would be nice if film makers showed actual people instead of mouth-breathing lip-sagging incoherent people who are unable to form words properly. As to the actual film - I couldn't get past the 'British' stereotypes, so I only managed half an hour. Note to British film makers - please stop making us all seem like illiterate, incoherent slobs. I offer, as an example, 'The Fades". It might have been good, but the constant swearing and 'gang' attitude put me off. Where is the UK equivalent to Buffy, Angel, Friends, Frasier? We don't have one. Sadly. We just have directors who seem to want to portray the UK as full of inarticulate, foul-mothed yobs. Summary: it's British - don't waste your time. 'Demons', some years ago suffered from the same unpleasant stereotypes. 'Bedlam' could have been interesting but was cancelled. I actively avoid British film. I recommend you do the same. We're rubbish.
The Incantation (2018)
It's a 'no' from me
It's a B movie. I knew that and I often like B movies - sometimes they surprise you. There's a brief surprise at the end that took all of a second to register and then it was " of course". So not really a surprise at all. Really bad acting, although I wasn't sure if this was deliberate on the part of the director - certainly I've seen Dean Cain do better.
So I'm not sure what the director was going for. But the whole thing was a mess, including the 'story' line.
It (2017)
It's a no from me
There just isn't the heart that was there in the mini series. In my opinion. The actors were fine, but the story wasn't there. I believe there is to be a next installment covering the (now) grown ups. I'll probably watch it - if I've nothing better to do. It's simply not Steven King's "IT'. ALso,they appear to have recycled the CGI lady from ' Mama' at one point : can't find it now, but look out for it. "Beep,beep, Richie" appears once, so far as I can tell - a long way into the film. Against all odds, I looked forward to this. But it's another turkey. Steven King tells great stories - why do the Hollywood mob insist on killing them? I truly think this was dreadful and not a patch on the original. I hope to goodness they don't remake The Stand.
'
The Dark Tower (2017)
Sorry but dreadful
I'd got past knowing that King's inspiration and mental image of Roland was Clint Eastwood - and Idris Elba, no matter how good an actor and how handsome he is, does not conform to the image that readers of the books had. Fans who have watched "The Mist" will have clocked that distinctive silhouette and the rose on the painting at the beginning. Nevertheless, I'd got past that.
I didn't realise until reading reviews here that this is meant to be a sequel. My bad. However, I still think it was awful. What's with all the electronic stuff, and Walter having a whole HQ full of people?
I didn't expect King's books to be condensed into a single film, but I did hope for some similarity, somewhere along the way. And for book fans, leaving out that first line: ""The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed." is just unforgivable - that tableau is genuinely what I expected to see.
Yes, there were boring bits in the books - it was a very long story after all. But I was looking forward to seeing Eddie and Susannah and Oy! Especially Oy! And the drawing of the three, and Blaine.
To summarise, I erroneously thought that this might be the first in a series of films (like Harry Potter, which spanned many years) that would tell the story. It actually bears little relationship to the books apart from the names, and for that reason I give it one star. The other reason for one star is that it simply isn't, in my opinion, very good as a standalone (which is what it should be viewed as). Disappointed and gutted.