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Malcolm in the Middle: Krelboyne Picnic (2000)
Great Episode
Very funny episode. Like in the classic malcolm style we have all the characters living through their own story while all at the same place.
I especially loved the "Reese" sidestoy, a harmless little analogy to modern dating preferences, nice acting. On the other hand te "Hal" sidestory was a little underdeveloped I was hoping for a nicer wrapup. I also have to applaud the ending. Such a warmhearted family moment was just amazing. For me, one of the top 10 epsiodes.
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2 (2015)
Worst of them all
What was going in the writers room?
"hey what are the main events of part 2, well the torture of peeta and then the revolution ofcourse.... ok how about we don't show this and instead show 2hours of nonsensical dialogue and boring walk through some tunnels"
If you judge a movie based on the amount of time you waste with it, mockingjay 1 and 2 come out around the top. How in gods name can you take such an interesting universe and mess up the most promising part of the story.
You always know that you are watching a bad movie when things "just happen" and trust me, thats the best desrciption anybody could give about this movie. Things are just happening. Cave dwelling monsters? Shure thing. Characters completely changing personality due to something that happened offscreen? You got it. And dont get me started on those traps.
I was already cringing at this whole Mockingjay concept from part 1. It was just developed so so poorly. This whole propaganda aspect: Snow and the rebells constanly making these video anouncements. So silly. And what comes of it, absolutely nothing. On neither side. Snow defends his castle with absoluetly ridiculous traps and the rebells well they kinda just appear there in right moment and the war is over.
With all the dialogue, all this cryptic talk and red herrings you always wait for some kind of good reveal, some kind of big plottwist but no, everything is exactly face value, every little surprise can be seen from a mile away. And the worst part there is nothing else happening either, its not like that there is so much happening on screen that the dialogue is seconday no, this movie is just talking its nothing else.
Panic Room (2002)
Movie ruined by stupidity
This is not a bad movie. Could have even been a good movie if it wasnt for all the stupidity. The behaviour feels so unnatural
So let me get a few things off my chest.
- Why isnt her very first instinct to get her phone? In the beginning all the guys are bolting the doors shut, why didnt she went to grab the phone then.
- Since when are you put on hold when you call the police, and if so i dont think she had to wait for long maybe a few seconds. Second why doesnt she tell her husbands mistress the story and tell her to call the police I mean come on nobody can be this dumb.
The Simpsons: The Musk Who Fell to Earth (2015)
A new low
As many of you, I thought that "Lisa goes Gaga" was the worst Simpsons episode ever. I have to give credit to writers, it needs some unique talent to be able to produce an episode worse than that. But they did it.
The episode starts with the classic nonsensical plot that we are already used to from the episodes season 20 and onward. Since a long time epsiodes in the Simpsons don't have a story anymore it is just an assortment of random things happing one after eachother. I heard people referring to it as the era of Family Guy Simpsons.
What makes "Lisa goes Gaga" and "The Musk who fell to earth" stand out, is their unprecedented betrayal to the characters. Since long time I gave the hope, that the writers would develop Homer back into the character he once was - a loving father. I got used to the fact that such a character is, as their consultants probably told them, without any appeal to the target audience anymore. But there was still Lisa. You see, Lisa was the Simpsons gateway to social commentary. Her character was the bridge between comedy and social critism. It gave the simpsons meaning.
Since Lisa goes Gaga we learned, that the shows integrity towards the character Lisa had a price tag, and the writers were more than willing to sell. I like to compare the character Lisa as she was once intended as the common sense, the inner guidline everyone has of whats right and wrong. The audience still has this guideline, even though we listen to pop songs and drive cars we are still aware of the destructive and amoral sutructures that are attached to those industries. We are - but the writers are not. Why? Because the writers are the industry, Simpsons became Musk and Gaga. I don't believe that they want to shape the audience into their neolibertarian worldview - that would give them too much credit. They are simply too detached to even pretend to have any humanistic values.
Honest Thief (2020)
Bad Script
I didn't expect much but I was a little disappointed.
The story is very weak. While there are movies that are able to build a convicing story around this kafkaesk battle "man against corruption" this movie clearly didn't think it through. The corrupt agents "big plan" was so amateurish that the viewer never has any doubts that the truth will come out. The writers couldnt even come up with a reason why the FBI should still think that Neeson is the bad guy. So, for most of the movie its just Neeson (ex marine and IQ 300 bankrobber) against one single corrupt dimwhit FBI agent. I wonder who is going to win this...
In good "man against governement" movies you often times have this single piece of evidence that the main character produces in the last moment and completely turns the ending aorund - thats exciting. This movie couldn't be bothered. In general there was no sense of urgency, Neeson is always ten steps ahead - how does he know where to show up, only the writers know.
I can't say the movie is a disaster. Its watchable but its hard to enjoy this combination of bland actors and lazy script. This movie will be forgotten quickly.
Us (2019)
2nd best Horror Movie of all time according to Rotten Tomatoes
If you think Rotten Tomatoes has any credibility watch this movie and see your bubble burst. This movie is a joke.
This movie is stupid:
The "twist" can be seen from a mile away. You know how good movies don't need to explain much because you can fill in the gaps all by yourself. Well this movie doesn't explain anything because the more you explain the more the viewer would realise that nothing makes sense. The ending is the saddest excuse of an explanation i have ever seen. Imagine the movie "usual suspects" but in the end kevin spacey would just say "I was lying" and then credits roll.
The movie is hypocrtitcal
The dragged out shots, the colors, the style, all this makes it seem like this movie something very sppecial. But it can't even go beyod the most classic horror tropes:
-Bad guys change between ultra slow walk and teleporting, whatever fits the plot
- Good guys never finish the kill
- Good guys make dumbest decisions
- There is no police what so ever
- bad guys immediatly kill everybody with ease but get fooled by the simplest tricks by the protagonists
This movie is pretentious Honestly it was the soundtrack for me, it feels like a school project where one kid just lets his spotify playlist shuffle. Its not cool, its not edgy its just silly.
Us (2019)
2nd best Horror Movie of all time according to Rotten Tomatoes
If you think Rotten Tomatoes has any credibility watch this movie and see your bubble burst. This movie is a joke.
This movie is stupid:
The "twist" can be seen from a mile away. You know how good movies don't need to explain much because you can fill in the gaps all by yourself. Well this movie doesn't explain anything because the more you explain the more the viewer would realise that nothing makes sense. The ending is the saddest excuse of an explanation i have ever seen. Imagine the movie "usual suspects" but in the end kevin spacey would just say "I was lying" and then credits roll.
The movie is hypocrtitcal
The dragged out shots, the colors, the style, all this makes it seem like this movie something very sppecial. But it can't even go beyod the most classic horror tropes:
-Bad guys change between ultra slow walk and teleporting, whatever fits the plot
- Good guys never finish the kill
- Good guys make dumbest decisions
- There is no police what so ever
- bad guys immediatly kill everybody with ease but get fooled by the simplest tricks by the protagonists
This movie is pretentious Honestly it was the soundtrack for me, it feels like a school project where one kid just lets his spotify playlist shuffle. Its not cool, its not edgy its just silly.
Mulan (2020)
Disney... you brought shame upon your family
This is probably the worst movie I have seen in the last two years. And mind that Mulan still is one of my favourite cartoon movie, so thats quite something to achieve.
Let me put it simple, every time the script diverged from the cartoon it was for the worst. They left out the best parts and added the most ridiculous nonsense you can imagine.
- The Witch: Why add this character? How lazy do you have to be as a screenwriter to only be able to make the story "work" by adding a character that can morph into any other character? Betrayal? Complicated motives? Multilayered characters? No - it was just the witch who took over the Kings servant.
- The Phoenix: Absolutely useless trope. I would argue that the story of Mushu in the cartoon was written better that the whole Mulan 2020 script. This dumb phoenix from the ashes metaphor has been done a thousand times, please for gods sake can these people have one original idea?
- Loyal, brave, and true. These three words appear like 10 Times through the movie yet absolutely nothing comes from it that wouldn't naturally appear in a Mulan story. Its like making a Harry Potter movie and have the word "Magic" appear on every item. Yeah we know, it's a movie about bravery - we have all seen the cartoon.
- Scenery: The landscapes are beautiful, if this would be a documentary. Did anyone tell the director that the landscapes in a movie need to make sense? I felt like I'm watching an old spice comercial: I'm on top of a mountain, now I'm in the desert, look back to me I am now inside a vulcano.
In Summary the movie had three very strong virtues. But I'm not talking about "loyal, brave, and true" the three words that come to my mind are "ridiculous, dumb and lazy". So yeah, don't watch, don't buy. Just watch the cartoon another time.
Black and Blue (2019)
Boring
As discussed in other reviews, the social problems in poor American suburbs are the overarching theme of this movie. In my eyes the film did an exceptionally bad job portraying those. The racism aspect feels so shoehorned in just to give the movie some imaginary dept and it doesn't work. The real world is nuanced, people are not either good or evil, they have their own motives, fears, goals etc. The movie never explores any kind of complexities, it's just black and white. Of course "black" and "white" are switched around to peddle the illusion that the movie has some kind of deeper thought. Don't be fooled.
All the characters are extremely one dimensional, we learn nothing about the backstories, it is completely left out. It is basically wild west logic, bad guys are bad, good guys are good. And some people are caught up in the middle. At first I liked the little twist, that the police officers in the car turned out to be "bad" as well, but then just five minutes later they do the exact same thing again. And now we are at a point where there are only TWO "normal" people left. Is this what the movie tries to tell us, that there are these two fractions fighting on the street and if you are neither you are basically a hero? Everybody else is either a gangster or a corrupt cop. And not that the corrupt cops have some shades, no. They are basically ready to kill to prevent that some distant colleague is caught for his own murder?! And like I said at no point is mentioned why they have such incredibly strong ties to each other, which only leaves the conclusion that whoever wrote this must think that this somehow represents real life.
The final scene where of course the African-American community sees that there are indeed some good cops is ridiculous, the scene is already so forced that it made me cringe and then they even top it of with some dumb moralistic dialogue.
The story is very weak and some plotholes are so big that it took me completely out of the focus (Why in does she never call her captain?). The are so many coincidences (Mobster Boss son just happens to be a hacker) that the writers had to use to glue together the poorly written script. The visuals are not the worst, however it is obvious that they tried to imitate the artsy look of some "film noir" movies and failed. The acting is decent, however there is one scene where Naomie Harris cries out in a side street which is ridiculous. All in all, no recommendation from my side, however, there are far worse movies out there, therefore I conclude with a 4. I would give the movie a 6 for the action but way they tried to build the story on top of real and important social issues led me to detract 2 points.
The I-Land (2019)
Was the test audience high?
This is most definitely the worst Netflix show. Its a wreck.
Whoever wrote this is should get a restraining order and stay away 50 feet from any script for the rest of his life. The acting is bad. I mean really bad, it almost comical. The characters have no personality. And they are written blander than my daughters play-do cakes. But what annoys me the most is that is so braindead, nothing makes any sense. Let me give you some examples: Right after they awake, one guy starts to make a fire with a lens he found... in the shade. Then some minutes later a girl uses a sea shell as a trumpet to alert the others... come on... who comes up with this?
Gosnell: The Trial of America's Biggest Serial Killer (2018)
Do not trust the rating
If you are like me and you went to see the movie because of his high IMDB rating. Please be advised: This movies general topic (abortion) is of great controversy in the US. The high rating might be based to an extend on this.
As a non US movie lover with no political opinion about this specific topic I must tell you: this movie is not good and i don't recommend it. The quality of the film is more at par with tv shows like law and order or NCIS (maybe below). The story might be interesting. However the storytelling is what im concerned about which is also way below average.
Tag (2018)
"Look at me I'm funny"
The movie has a catchy setup. The trailer already predicted some of the major flaws but i gave it a go anyway. In short: I do not recommend to watch it.
The main issue I had with the movie are the poorly developed characters. The main characters are acting so irrational that it makes it hard not to get annoyed. The side characters are also completely misplaced. I know they had to add the Wallstreet Journal Girl because of the newspaper article, but does she really add something to the movie? Then the wife with the temper issue. Maybe funny in theory but it was so over the top that it was simply dull. Same goes with the stoner. Ok i get it, its fun to have a lowlife weed smoking dude in the movie, but then please do it right (also no CGI smoke please it looks like adobe after effects trial pack). This movie feels like its constantly screaming at me "look! we are funny!".
A little example: why do this meticulous fight scenes work for Robert Downey Jr. in Sherlock Holmes but not in this movie? Because it doesn't fit the character development at all. Jerry "the untagged" is not some mastermind, hes just a regular guy! And thats ok! The essence of the movie is that 5 guys just play this since 30 years, this idea is so much fun, it doesn't need all this nonsensical addition.
Im sure many of you also liked the ending. Me too. I liked the ending because all this nonsense finally stops, and they all become normal people again. Jerry is a little harder to tag. There is some trickery involved. But at the end they are just like you and me.
War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)
Disappointment
Lets start of with the good things: The CGI were outstanding. Never seen something like this ever. You can watch the movie just for that.
If you subtract the CG then there is really not much left. The story is simple and doesn't make much sense in general. The movie tries way to hard to appear intellectual, but every thought provoking intend is nothing more than a bland copy of Apocalypse Now and Schindlers List. The movie takes itself way too serious. That in my eyes is the main problem. The older movies didn't do this. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind a drama movie in this series but if you go the depth of Schindlers List, you better deliver.
Then we have all this things happening that have don't add any value to the story. No development, no exchange, we learn nothing about our hero. Just a new character gets added to group.
Then ending was probably the worst part. I can't explain how this was greenlit. Every little bit of depth the movie had until the last 10min will be gone by the end of it.
To sum it up: + CGI - Story
No recommendation from me.