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Reviews
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
Mix one part pointless, with one part boredom, an ounce of a good cast and add a pinch of zombies....
I've just sat through this and it could have been condensed into a 45 minute tv show. The art of stretching content out is really pushed to be max here.
The idea of black comedy is perhaps that it's still funny. Never LOL but at least funny. This has no subtlety even though it thinks it has and a result pitches between boredom and obvious 'in joke' banter that everyone really doesn't seem invested in.
If you want to see what has now become a traditional zombie film it fails. If you want to see a cutting comedy it fails. If want a film in which you could go to the toilet at any point in the first 50 minutes and not miss anything, it hits the target.
We've had Zombieland, we've had Shaun of the Dead, we've even had Juan of the Dead. Let's leave it at that if we can't actually do any better.
Solis (2018)
Another Netflix dud
Trevor is not on form here. This really is a masterclass in phoning it in.
The whole single person thing sometimes works as in Phonebooth or Buried but it's just tedious here. There's no real sense of tension as you don't believe Trevor is doing anything than simply reciting words he's remembered, not protraying a man on a collision course with death.
The strong, authorative female thing is also played out. Do what she says Trevor if you know what's best for you, especially if it's a posh sounding brit one.
Luckily I only watched this I browsed Ebay for a new car. I'd recommend trying to find a decent Alfa Romeo over watching this film.
Polar (2019)
How much did they pay him to do this?
If I said this was a poor man's John Wick 2. that poor man wouldn't be a guy with a job, he'd be wino sucking dicks for money.
It may have worked as a straight film with a slightly less silly plot but we've already had John Wick 1 and 2 so what's the point? As it stands the 'comedy' elements aren't funny, they hitmen aren't 'cool' and the overtop violence adds no impact to the film at all.
The quest for good films on Netflix continues.
IO (2019)
Another terrible Netflix original
Some reviewers seem to think this film is ok because of 'the message' that goes with it. If we are only interested in the message just make a 30s film of a piece of text and save us the rest of whatever this film is.
You can't give a bad film a good review because of what the film is supposed to represent. It's still an utter drudge of a film. Looks nice, well made, but ultimately utterly boring and ponderous.
I'm also getting sick of narrated films. They mostly end up like the ramblings of a emo teenagers doing 'dear diary'. This is another one of those films.
In short, avoid. It really isn't worth your time unless you're time rich.
Road (2014)
One of the best motorcycling films but terribly downbeat
This film is even more tragic given the current state of the Dunlop family and is almost the darkside of what the TT film presented.
The TT film actually gave the impression of that buzz they were all chasing whereas this gives the impression that it's simply the Dunlop fate to race until inevitable doom. I'm sure they were all chasing that feeling to the point of addiction, but the frenetic delivery of Guy Martin, which actually half makes you think doing 180 between lamp posts could be fun is the polar opposite of the Dunlops where it seems to be the only way of life.
I found the TT film to be quite uplifting but this is one of the most depressing films I've ever seen. Don't get me wrong, it's gripping stuff, even if you've grown up watching stuff like V-four Victory on VHS and already know a lot. Just get the hankies ready.
Office Uprising (2018)
More shill reviewing
This is terrible, it really is. Sad that truly decent films currently have a lower score than garbage like this.
All I can say is I want my time back.
Unsane (2018)
It's looks like rubbish, it usually is rubbish
I'll keep this simple. The acting, scriptwriting and camera and sound work all go together....in the bin. The camera work is iphone level, so is the acting and everything else about this film.
There's a reason why films use a variety of lenses and after about 2 minutes of this film something starts grating and you intially don't twig but then you realise it's the fact that film is using the same view over and over and over again.W I D E A N G L E....ALL THE TIME. Add this to the terribly wooden acting by everyone involved with tinny sound and it's just torturous.
The saddest part is this is sitting at 6.8 whilst something like Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a 7.5. IMDB ratings literally mean nothing anymore.