Change Your Image
LowlevelReviews
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Bite (2015)
Wheres the bug spray?!
Apparently Bite is on a few lists of super scary movies which people couldnt even finish. I'm 99% it's on the unwatchable list for different reasons but hey... the fact this landed anywhere has me shaking in my boot.
Lets just say its one crash and burn moment after another. Continuity between scenes/takes is irrelevant someone really should have lost their job. From the bite originally being on her bikini line on her hip which moves down to her bum cheek/outer thigh area. To totally different wardrobe its mind boggling this move made it out of production.
The acting is... well... as expected. Campy, over exaggerated in some places, absent in other and dry.
You dont end up caring about any of these character, hell I made a hit list of my own. The only satisfaction was crossing another poorly executed character off my list. From jump. When this group of women on vacation in a forgien place take a hand drawn map and I'm talking like.... I'm the map song, dora the explore level map...over the bridge, around the big rock....taking them to a place which clearly isnt the place they were told to go to. I just buckled in for a ride of disappointment.
Can we also talk about hygiene....I know this is weird coming from a movie but this chick vomits straight lube... then, while riding her soon to be husband her massive infected bug bite busts faster than he does all over his hand and not a single one of them does anything to clean up. Like oh ok I'm gonna touch my face with my puss covered hand.... not everyone is disgusting can we please have this guy at least WIPE his hand!
Moving on, the scene settings....jfc...so majority of the film is set in the overly staged aparemtnents. Everyone apparently doesnt actually live in these and were here for a sopa opera, dim light, silk plant aesthetic. Someone killed Belisimo in the kitchen with a cloche. Ahhh!! Can we give these people a little personality in their living spaces if we cant actually give it through their on screenperformance? Am I asking to much?!??! Someone tell me!
Speaking of these characters, no one at any point really reacts to the orbeez all over the place, slime and some kind of membrane draped over every single surface. They walk in looking for their friend, have no reaction except a slight stank face and that's it. Can we have some concern.... this is clearly not normal so why are you venturing beyond the door. Bro shut that and either mind your business or call the authorities.
Now the deaths were the only satisfaction as I mentioned and no not how they died.... just that they were dead and we are that much closer to the end. The way she kills these people.... god. Puking acid on one, sealing ones mouth shut and yes just the mouth but she some how still suffocated... cutting the others throat and then stabbing her man with her tail which somehow impregnated him? And can we just acknowledge that while she is turning into some kind of semi aquatic reptilian species... what shes laying are fricken insects.... how that cross is made is lost on me but okay reptile woman do you.
Finally the end thank god it cant get any worse. Wrong. Let's talk about this quarantine fiasco. The swat team arrives. Starts poking around in one room while hazmat goes into another. Wearing scrubs and hospital masks to full on hazmat suits....a few goggles and some are not even wearing any form of protection on their heads. It's a mess. Swat comes into the boyfriend's apartment. Asks for hazmat and keeps on going unleashing more of these flies. Like...what...did no one actually look into how people move in for one a potential crime scene and two a biohazard situation and since were on the topic of fly release. These eggs in the fiance incubated for however long and burst out...but not a single one has hatched in the main characters apartment. Hmmm seems a little off but whatever maybe the temps werent right.
Short version. This movie has no rhyme or reason. It relies heavily on the cringe/nasty factor the constant stream of vomit and growing nest situation provides. There is no continuity with takes and scenes. No research was done to provide any kind of realism what so ever. The cast probably wasnt worth what they made but hey, having this on your resume is penance enough.
Someone should have blasted the creators in the face with bug spray and lit a match on production....
Ready or Not (2019)
I thought I was ready... i was wrong.
Here we are, it's been a couple hours since I've finished this, spending the 5.99 USD to rent it, and I've had some time to gather my thoughts and restore some of the lost brain cells. Over all...what a waste. There are some seriously, comedic as well as righteous kill scenes. Weird twist on a cult narrative, I guess. Little Grace who, as it was pointed out to me. Looks like she might be 90lbs but somehow manages to overpower, literally everyone. Grown men, women twice her size. The only assault I wouldnt question what the little 10 year old savage she bludgeoned. The creators didn't have the stones to really follow through and of course theres the always iconic scenes where they could kill her.... very easily. But they dont and she somehow manages to escape once again. What rich white, family doesnt have hunting dogs... that would gave been a radical scene, to set them on her sent when she broke free... sometime I wonder if creators of movies like this, ever have that moment, like when you leave an argument and then think of all the savage things you could have said. But instead of sick burn its actually decent content. Really I think the scariest thing about the entire movie was Auntie Helen and that hair. But hey, what creepy old crow doesnt give you the heebie geebies.
Velvet Buzzsaw (2019)
Nothing special
Its not super flashy or mad od. Its simply a movie about a group of pretentious art elitists whos greed leads them to death.
One character seems to be losing his mind following the bread crumb trail left by the artist and no one listens to him. When he devises a plan to stop the selling of the art they go out of their way to make maximum profit before he has the chance to sabotage.
A movie about the toxicity of greed and status.
Not terribly creepy, not really that great of a movie. Decent acting from some of the cast. Not something id watch again
Terrifier (2016)
This is what nightmares are made of...not really....
I hopped right onto the bandwagon with this movie. It appeared on quite a few lists for underrated horror movies and Netflix gems.
You start being introduced to a very terribly deformed woman and by terribly i mean her face looks like party city had an after Halloween discount sale, boohoo sob story, murder.. jump to the main characters, your dark and brooding seemingly intelligent protagonist Tara and her ditsy blonde bimbo side piece Dawn. I can tell you Dawns death was the highlight of my night. The acting is...terrible lets just be honest i have seen better acting in high school short films on YouTube where they ask their parents to play along.
I cant begin to tell you how horrible some of these lines are in the movie.... humor me and picture this. woman's face has been shot repeatedly her bereaved sister collapses at her side. insert crying...wake up....no....then they hit you with the Oscar winning line....."look at me" LOOK AT ME! SHE DOESN'T HAVE A FACE ANYMORE!! Who wrote this! Its like asking a blind man to walk across the freeway its not gonna happen...
Art the clown is definitely a creepy character and I will say there is one great scene with him that involves wearing someone else body parts but other than that...imagine a clown running around killing people and you have the entire movie congrats.
If you want to have a good laugh at a corny slasher this is the movie for you. If your trying to sleep with the lights on....look else where.
Nails (2017)
Wheres the angel of mercy when you need him
Well, lets talk about predictability shall we. I wont spoil anything unless you decided to brave this dumpster fire for yourself but let me tell you nothing comes as a surprise. From the past to the present each not to subtle foreshadowing scenes is likely more and insult than a hint.
They relied heavily on poorly placed jump scares and the atmospheric properties of this movie. Ill give credit where credit is due, nails was a creepy sob but...when you use him as a jump scare every few minutes he loses that nightmarish charm which was beautifully set in the introductory scene he first appeared. Poor acting from half the cast, and a mundane story line. You're itching to get to the end where you hope beyond all hope the director will redeem themselves...but alas. You end up with cinematic blue balls as they finally and mercifully roll credits.
Malevolent (2018)
Hack it and scrap it
This movie started out on the right foot, somewhere around the middle mark they stumbled and just couldn't stop themselves from falling into the pit of other half assed Netflix horror movies. The acting wasn't horrible, and some of the scenes were beautifully shot but the practical effects were sub-par and the horror, well it just wasn't there.
The ending had so much potential and the slight twist made it bearable to watch but as a whole I found myself disappointed yet again. You'd see something just a creepy watching an episode of 'Doctor Who' or 'Supernatural'.
Honeymoon (2014)
They aren't alone and neither are you
If you're looking for screams while an arm is being slowly sawed off this movie is not for you. On the other hand if you are looking for a creepy physiological thriller which has you on the edge of your seat 'Honeymoon' is the way to go. You're never quite sure whats happened to Bea until the movie gets closer to the final act. You're right along with her husband Paul scratching your head at her strange behavior spirals out of control. From the scenes filled with suspense to the subtle creep factor our female lead takes on oh so well. You may be drawing your curtains by the end of the movie.
Ang-ma-reul bo-at-da (2010)
A must-see
If you're looking for a gory horror movie that's more than the shallow slashers in today's american market, add 'I Saw the Devil' to your list. The scenes are beautifully shot, the practical affects look phenomenal and the fight scenes are to die for (all the pun intended).
Choi Min-sik is a master at his craft and played the antagonist flawlessly, giving you that perfect creep factor that will have you closing your curtains. Similarly our protagonist Lee Byung-hun slayed the scenes, his pain is completely tangible to the audience as you see him slowly break over time. Seeking revenge but at what cost?
This movie has all the components for a cinematic masterpiece, watch it yourself the proof is in the (blood) pudding....
Truth or Dare (2017)
Do the dare or the dare does you...well the dare sure did this director
I can definitely see why they did a 2018 remake. Not only is the acting atrocious, but the story is boring and even more so predictable. If you're going to insult your audience by casting second hand actors at least wow me with your story.
You may have a few questions at the beginning of the movie. By the half way mark you couldn't careless as they trek on for another agonizing 45 minutes. You're on the edge of your seat hoping for something remotely horrific to happen, rather than just...slight cringe and a sigh of frustration as yet another dare goes horribly ill executed. The only satisfaction comes from knowing once they're dead, its one less actor to annoy you with their lack of ability to convey the intended emotion for the scene.
From the dares to the order of death, and lack of imagination and actual horror, there is one terrifying dare here... making it until they cut and roll credits.
Hold the Dark (2018)
Movie left its plot dying in the snow
About 30 minutes into the movie, I realized I had made a grave mistake in my selection. While the cinematography is beautifully done, and the acting isnt bad. The story, oh the story, its so mundane, slow and anticlimactic, I would have been more entertained spinning a potato on a pencil.
You start confused and best believe, you finish confused. Does the random, though well executed, acts of violence have a purpose? Will the arrival of the protagonist lead to a storyline? Let me save you the two hours....no, there is no clarity here. Time better spent on something else where each second isnt as mind numbingly tragic as the last.