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Reviews
Jack and Jill (2011)
An Adam Sandler Movie
What I mean by my title is that this is an Adam Sandler movie. The reviews of this movie seem to be based on the fact that they compare this to an intellectual comedy or something very popular like Hangover in terms of laughs. However I saw it as an adam sandler flick and got what i paid for. Adam sandlers very rarely get a good review. I mean on rotten tomatoes, this got a 4% rating while movies I LOVED like Click only got a 33%, movies like Grandmas Boy got only 18%, and Little nicky got 22%. If you like any of these movies a lot, go see it. I found it funny personally. Parts were boring and other parts were hilarious laugh out loud funny. Adam Sandler isn't going down in quality, its that he isn't changing. His movies are always stupid funny and full of slapstick humor which isn't a bad thing in my opinion. He does other movies like Punch Drunk Love, Rain on Me, and Click which are a break from the norm but most of his movies are generally the same. And equally bad in terms of reviews. So again for me i liked it. Funny at parts but don't compare to a critically acclaimed movie because you wont like it then. Compare it to something Adam Sandler has done in the last 5 years and if you liked them then this might be enjoyable.
Skyline (2010)
Hes ALIVE!!!!
Well what can i say? Well ill first start by telling about the story which is about some trendy young adults in their mid to late 20's who are hanging out when all of a sudden things get real. For a good part of the movie the characters don't know whats happening or what all the fuss is but of course it starts to get crazy. Cars a smashing and guns a blazing the movie is a thrill ride. The movie is great as you gain the characters perspective as they try to find ways to escape and survive. The movie gets quit action packed when the military gets involved trying to tackle the situation. Worth watching no doubt.
Well the part above is actually a review for Cloverfield from 2008. essentially its the same thing as Skyline just worse. Substitute the monster from Cloverfield with the aliens from War of the Worlds and you got yourself Skyline just on a much worse level. The acting is poor but mainly the dialogue. The movie is bag of cliché lines after cliché lines. The movie could serve as a comedy from the amount of times I laughed. You know that feeling you get when you know something unexpected is about to happen which that means its expected like in a horror when the ghost appears in the bathroom mirror? Well this movie has about 75 of those. You could always see the next scene in advance but you just wont want too. Also an annoyance is the camera angles. They seem to be done by a college student at best. Most of the movie is worthless plot and no character development. I found it very boring as its all restricted to a very small venue. It seems they couldn't get funding for them to film in other parts of the city outside of one SINGLE building. Thats right, 90+ mins, one SINGLE building. Needless to say I LOVED IT.
Crank: High Voltage (2009)
PoOn
Couldn't think of another title. Where to start. Well the movie is about the character Chev Chelios. The role is reprized by Jason Statham which most people remember played the infamous SGT. Jericho Butler in Ghost of Mars. Needless to say, we were in for a treat. The movie was gruesome, horrid, and almost made u wanna throw up and I'm not talking about Statham's acting. The movie is hardcore. i love me some hardcore. Some of the best action sequences since Schindler's List. The movie is very fast paced, so no pregnant women or old people. Movie has many big laughs. At one point i was laughing so hard i could barely catch my breath, but then that trailer ended and the movie started. still some laughs during the movie too though. screw grammar. Easily much better than the original Crank. i would definitely go to the movies again to see it. I can never say no to a chance to crank one out. The scene with Rob Schneider is what will probably keep me coming back for more. That man can do no wrong. Well thats all i got on that. Watch it. Hands down. Feet up. West Punjab!
First Sunday (2008)
Ha.
Let me first start off by saying this movie kept true to the words of the bible and kept the sabbath day holy, as this movies plot was riddled with them. If you wondering why I have "HA." as my summary title that is because at the time i read that they called this movie a comedy under genre. This movie has about as much comedy as Roots (and no I did not find Roots remotely funny). So first let me start with the plot. This story is completely messed up. First off lets start with something i noticed off the bat while watching the movie. A man in the movie (spoilers) is blind and cleans the church at nights. This doesn't bother as much as the point that in one part of the movie he is able to walk by a gun within mere inches of his face and not notice it, yet later in the movie is able to find a bag of money which no one else can. Another thing in the movie that i only realized happened afterwards was that two characters were completely missing for half the movie. In one scene there is the character of a woman in a greenish shirt with black dots on her shirt played by comedian Rickey Smiley who is a man. Her character another character who is sitting next to her in a church meeting they are having, completely disappear within minutes. The director didn't even bother to show where they had gone. Another thing that i hated about this movie was the acting. Ice Cubes performance rivals Clitista Flockhart's performance when she stared in Ally McFeal. Not only were his drama scenes unconvincing, they were the funniest parts of this movie (not really a good thing). Another thing that bothered me was Tracy Morgan and Katt Williams. They are put in the movie for comedic relief and do not deliver. They act in this movie exactly the same way the acted in previous movies they were in such as Who's your Caddy? or Gone with the Wind. By now i hope you noticed that i hated this movie. The acting ability is equal to that of someone in a elementary school play, the plot has more holes than a pasta drainer, and the jokes aren't present. Im just hoping they called this movie First Sunday for some other reason than to open the possibilities for a Second Sunday. I would recommend this movie to no one unless you are a amateur in the movie industry, whether it be a director, actor, or even producer, and want to know what not to do. In that case this is a good movie to watch as i shows how not to act nor how to direct a movie. If you aren't one of mentioned people, Stay Away!!!.
The Pianist (2002)
A movie making clinic
Where do i begin. This movie did everything right and had all its bases covered. The acting was superb, the action was great, not overly funny, and the cgi was jaw-dropping. In this movie the main actor, who is Adrian Brody, is a writer(pianist) for movies. After he gets bamboozled into writing(playing the piano) a movie for his friend, he is cast upon a ship writing(playing the piano) a movie as they approach the island(Germany) where they will shoot it. Naturally, he falls in love with the main woman in the movie who is also the main actor in the movie he is writing(playing the piano) a script for. When they get to the island(Germany), they are captured by the natives(Nazis) and the girl he falls in love with gets sacrificed to a gigantic gorilla(the German Army). For the rest of the movie, they run through the jungle(Germany) trying to find his girl that was taken by the gigantic gorilla(the German Army). Eventually, they manage to capture the giant gorilla(German Army) and take it back to New York(Poland) to show it to the people for money> Obviously, the gigantic gorilla(German Army) gets loose in New York(Poland). When the gigantic gorilla(German Army) gets to the top of the Empire State Building(some big building in Poland), A bunch of planes come and shoot it down. When the gigantic gorilla(German Army) dies, the movie ends. Thats it. All in all i recommend the Pianist to anyone.
Spider-Man 3 (2007)
Blew me away
I probably started on the wrong foot because from the title of this comment, you would be led to believe that i liked this movie, just i was led to believe that this was gonna be a good movie. Boy was i wrong. I HATED this movie. Everything was so far from expected it really did blow me away. For starters, the bad acting. Emotion is this movie is scarcer than food in Ethiopia. They could have shown a slideshow of the comics and gotten more emotion, than any of these actors could dish out. The lines were horrible as well. I've seen better lines at an opening to a Steven Segal movie. The montage, which is usually the most redeeming part of any movie, was more out of place than a third nipple. The CGI, which, from a $250 million, should have been great turned out to be worse than any of the last two. I have seen more STD's that are more eye pleasing. The worst part is that it killed the series in front of my eyes. On IMDb, under this movies genres, there are about 60 genres listed. Sad part is, things like drama, crying, singing, dancing, and some more crying, were not listed in this part even though these things took up more time during the movie than all the action sequences put together. Im thankful the movie ended before i got to see anymore of Tobey Maguire trying to cry for the tenth time in a movie. Honestly, i thought i was supposed to have action. Spiderman only get into one or two real fights. ALl of the other scenes of action is him getting his ass kicked over and over. Im sad to say i paid to see this. Hopefully you wont make the same mistake.
Epic Movie (2007)
Epic waste of my money
Where do we start. Do we start with the bad jokes or the fact that they made fun of movies that weren't epic. Let start with the jokes. This movie held a clinic on bad jokes. It was like they went to a random middle school and had students fill out jokes for them, then they proceeded to make a script around that. Then they have jokes from movies that aren't epic at all. Nacho Libre was OK but it surely wasn't epic. They put movies in it for he hell of it. Did they really need Paris Hilton jokes. And if you do have Paris Hilton in the movie and try to make fun of her, don't put a candy bar in her purse. I think that this movie, if haven't already guessed it, really sucked. Arguably one of the worst movies of the decade if not of all time that i have seen. I truly believe that if they cut the screen in two, put the movie on the one side of the screen, and a piece of dry donkey terd on the other, people would watch the donkey terd trickle down the screen with more entertain than what this movie had to offer. If was actually cool though, i believe, watching the careers of all the people who were part of this project crash and burn before my eyes. MY BRAIN!!!
The Benchwarmers (2006)
Great
Every so often you come across a movie so funny that you're not even sure what was the funniest scene in the movie. This movie is one of them. Like a fat man after a mile run I couldn't catch my breath for most of the movie because I was laughing so hard. The all-star cast of Rob Schneider, David Spade, and John Heder did not disappoint. The amazing story is about 3 men who play against young kids in a tournament because they used to be geeks. Rob Schneider does really well in this movie. Benchwarmer is his first staring role in a movie since his critically acclaimed blockbuster Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. David Spade and John Heder perform very well also. This movie is great for any audience and you should see it as soon as possible.
Vote Rob Schneider for sexiest performance on the MTV movie Award!!!
The Matador (2005)
bad movie
I saw this movie in hopes that this would actually be good. I was very wrong. Pierce was horrible. Once again it shows people that besides James Bond movies, he has no place in movies. He tries to get back into that I'm a spy and i kill people thing but this character just doesn't work. For a good amount of the movie hes drunk and hes bad at it. To be honest, i think Dakota Fanning could play a more convincing drunk. I saw bulls in this movie that acted better than he did. The plot was all screwed up. I've scene better plot structure in a Porno flick. I was very bored throughout the movie and don't wish to ever watch again. The entire story line is horrible. This kind of thing would never ever happen in real life. Why would a movie even try to be sympathetic towards an assassin who kills people. The whole movie is screwed up. The actors are bad, the plot is bad, and even the ending is bad (which i eagerly anticipated after 5 minutes of this movie). If you want to see a good movie than stay far, far away from this movie.
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005)
If you thought this movie was bad than your dead wrong
I heard about this movie from a possible homosexual friend of mine who said that this movie was hilarious. I saw shortly after and found out he was right. This mad me laugh harder than any movie i saw in 2005. The comedy is gold and the creativity is good. I hate the fact that so many people gave this movie bad reviews. These types of people are probably living with the mothers and watching Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I also hate that this got a nominated as one of the worst movies of the year when movies like Syriana, Munique, and goodnight and good luck, all got nominated for Oscars but no one ever saw them. This movie is the reason people go to the movies. They got to laugh and be ENTERTAINED. You try and watch any one of those movies that were nominated and not be bored. After you watch it for the first time you'll be like a raccoon in heat and keep going back for more. Some scenes are very funny. The jokes are a little hard to notice, but once you get them you will laugh and laugh and laugh.I promise this will be a good movie to watch. Screw all other reviews of this movie. Listen to this one. Unlike Joe Pimentos, this wont be a disappointment.
Last Holiday (2006)
On the fence
Last holiday was a weird movie for me. The idea was good but the finish was horrible. I like the idea of someone dieing in 2 weeks, and having fun until she dies, but come on. If you don't know whats gonna happen at the end of the movie you are senile. Than you have LL cool J. I've seen better acting on a daytime soap opera. Every one of his scenes is a slap to the face of acting. His scenes also make no sense. For instance, you see him walk up the side of a mountain in feet of snow when there's a road close by. I have no idea why they chose him to act in this movie. Queen Latifah acts fine. As i said before, I am on the fence. The idea is good, but the presentation sucks more than a vacuum cleaner.
The New World (2005)
This movie is 135 mins long but you'll want to leave after 15
This movie is the worst movie i have seen in a long time. This movie is like having diarrhea. You don't know why but you get the urge to go. You go and take your seat. After a minute you realize its gonna be bad. After five you realize your gonna be there for a long time. After ten minutes you realize that its the same thing you've seen before just feels and smells worse. And finally at the end you realize look back what just happened and the only thing that flashes through your mind is a load of turd. What i mean is that this movie is bad. You've see this story before just done better. For the entire movie you're wondering when its gonna end. I had to leave during the movie just to check how much longer i would have to sustain this torture. The acting was bad. Colin Farrel acts the same way he always does. Bad. Whats even worse is that people probably go to this movie to see him and hes only in half the movie. For the entire movie we have to watch a girl who we only hear speak 30 mins from the end. The movie was an ongoing trail of boredom. MAybe if you keep your expectations very low, i mean very low, than you might thinks its good. But even thats pushing it. The movie is 135 mins long and about 20 mins of that is actually important. The other 115 mins of the movie are scenes of Pocahontas and JOhn Smith together over and over and over and over again. In conclusion, don't watch this movie. For the first time in my life i see that the Amish have it made because they wont have the chance of watching this.
Grandma's Boy (2006)
see it to believe it.
This was hilarious. This was top notch. Man oh man. There are a bunch of clever scenes that will make you laugh very hard. IF you like the 49ers and hometown buffet than this is probably not for you. But if you like to win Southern Smokehouse than this is the movie for you. A lot of the scenes are very funny and worth seeing. The ending was abrupt and the beginning very quick. As soon as the movie starts you propelled into the movie. Within the first five minutes you will start to laugh. I warn you that this movie has no plot, however, this will show you that movies do not need plots to be good. After seeing this movie I actually thought about being a video game tester for the rest of my life because you see how fun it is. This movie does not have any famous actors but the actors in this movie are good comedians. In conclusion, if you want to see a good movie see this, but if you want to see a bad one go watch something like The Man or something that fails at comedy.
Running Scared (2006)
Best Paul Walker movie ever. Paul Walker is king!!!!!!!
First, let me just say that at first I was a little skeptical when I was about to see this movie because i really didn't like Paul Wakler movies but after the first five minutes i knew this movie was a whole different order of ricotta cheese. This movie has more action than any movie i have see in a long time. The fast paced action and the amazing cinematography is something worth seeing. It was in all aspects top notch. If you like action, gore, clever story lines, and mac and cheese than this is the movie for you. Go watch this movie as soon as possible. As a matter of fact get up and go right now. Leave. Go. I'm not playing around. Rob Scneider for President!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!