Madman and robot chase couple in space. This was the synopsis digital cable gave me, but I went ahead and watched it anyway.
Um, yeah, truly a very very bad movie. One of those films that just fails in every aspect possible; acting, effects, script, sets. And the coup de grace in my book, the pointless killing of a dog. And it's a shame, because the dog was the only decent actor in the flick. I truly believed that it WAS a dog. Unlike "scientist" Farrah Fawcett, or whatever the hell Keitel was supposed to be. At first, with his wooden portrayal and monotone, I thought HE was the robot and maybe Douglas would be the madman. Also none of the actors seemed to be working together, it was almost as if each person was shot separately reading their insipid lines, and then with the magic of 1980s Parent Trap technology, spliced together for the finished product. I bet they never even met each other in person. The high point was Fawcett's nude scenes, but the movie wouldn't even let us have that without showing Kirk Douglas's old man butt. They give with one hand, and punch us in the jimmy with the other. The shoddy acting is enhanced, that is to say made shoddier, by a script so threadbare, they let Fawcett wear it in one of the bedroom scenes (shudder). The words were just there to fill space between the actors who were talking to themselves. This was by no stretch of the imagination a cerebral pick...it pretty much was madman and robot chase couple in space. In a time where you had films like the Black Hole or even 2001, you kinda wanted more from a sci-fi, and Saturn 3 offered nothing but intense stomach cramps and volatile flatulence. We know it is the future and space due to the presence of brightly colored tubes framing all the sets. What is it about tubes that imparts that feeling of future advancement to crappy set designers? My guess, cheapass to procure. The remainder of the sets were just black soundstages with the occasional pipe and metal grid floor. I mean, when even the sets anger you, you know it's gonna be a bad movie. And let's not forget effects. The robot Hector...i mean come on..ABS?? Why would a robot need abs? And the head is just one of those robot arms with two christmas lights for eyes...why sculpt the abs and then give it no head? It's pretty obviously a dude in a suit with a robot arm on his head. And when I say madman and robot chase, I think pursue is a better word, as there's little fast movement where this robot is concerned. Again, costumes and spaceship models anger me in such a non-specific way that I believe it's my hatred for this movie spreading like a cancer through all areas of production...worst gaffing i've ever seen, and the catering was pretentious and tasteless...
cough...
All in all, a very bad movie...good for whatever bad movies are good for. Peace.
Um, yeah, truly a very very bad movie. One of those films that just fails in every aspect possible; acting, effects, script, sets. And the coup de grace in my book, the pointless killing of a dog. And it's a shame, because the dog was the only decent actor in the flick. I truly believed that it WAS a dog. Unlike "scientist" Farrah Fawcett, or whatever the hell Keitel was supposed to be. At first, with his wooden portrayal and monotone, I thought HE was the robot and maybe Douglas would be the madman. Also none of the actors seemed to be working together, it was almost as if each person was shot separately reading their insipid lines, and then with the magic of 1980s Parent Trap technology, spliced together for the finished product. I bet they never even met each other in person. The high point was Fawcett's nude scenes, but the movie wouldn't even let us have that without showing Kirk Douglas's old man butt. They give with one hand, and punch us in the jimmy with the other. The shoddy acting is enhanced, that is to say made shoddier, by a script so threadbare, they let Fawcett wear it in one of the bedroom scenes (shudder). The words were just there to fill space between the actors who were talking to themselves. This was by no stretch of the imagination a cerebral pick...it pretty much was madman and robot chase couple in space. In a time where you had films like the Black Hole or even 2001, you kinda wanted more from a sci-fi, and Saturn 3 offered nothing but intense stomach cramps and volatile flatulence. We know it is the future and space due to the presence of brightly colored tubes framing all the sets. What is it about tubes that imparts that feeling of future advancement to crappy set designers? My guess, cheapass to procure. The remainder of the sets were just black soundstages with the occasional pipe and metal grid floor. I mean, when even the sets anger you, you know it's gonna be a bad movie. And let's not forget effects. The robot Hector...i mean come on..ABS?? Why would a robot need abs? And the head is just one of those robot arms with two christmas lights for eyes...why sculpt the abs and then give it no head? It's pretty obviously a dude in a suit with a robot arm on his head. And when I say madman and robot chase, I think pursue is a better word, as there's little fast movement where this robot is concerned. Again, costumes and spaceship models anger me in such a non-specific way that I believe it's my hatred for this movie spreading like a cancer through all areas of production...worst gaffing i've ever seen, and the catering was pretentious and tasteless...
cough...
All in all, a very bad movie...good for whatever bad movies are good for. Peace.