Review of Lace

Lace (1984)
7/10
So bad it's good
14 May 2005
Warning: Spoilers
This is one of those cheestastic 80's movies that is so bad that it's good. I turned this on one day to have as background noise while I cleaned my apartment. Six hours later, I was still on my couch and my apartment was still dirty.

Lace is about a young, internationally famous, French actress named Lili. As a child she was told by her foster parents that one day her mother would come for her. They are killed when she is six, and Lili is left to fend for herself. She becomes a model, a nude model, then a porn actress. As an adult, she finds out that her foster parents had been receiving money. When she tracks down the source of the funds, she is told that her mother thought that Lili had been killed with her foster parents. The source of the funds cannot tell her exactly who her mother is, all she knows is that the mother is one of three women who were the best of friends in Switzerland.

Judy (American), Pagan (English), and Maxine (French) are best friends at a boarding school in Switzerland. One of them gets pregnant, and the three of them tell each other that they will stick together. After graduation, they hide out in the country until the delivery date, then give the girl to a foster family. They make a pact that they will go out into the world and the first one who gets on her feet will send for Lili. For the next few years, they each become established, but each makes excuses for not sending for Lili until they hear that she has been killed. After that, they no longer keep in touch until Lili invites all of them together to find out which one of them is her mother.

The story is told through flashbacks, focusing on how each of the three girls could be the mother. You don't even find out who she is until the last two minutes of the movie. There are also small flashbacks of Lili's life (luckily, there aren't many). This movie is mainly about the lives of these three women.

BTW, the title Lace, comes from the name of Judy's magazine. As a teenager in Switzerland, she was continuously writing a book that featured her alter-ego, Lucinda Lace.

Phoebe Cates, while very beautiful, is hilariously awful as Lili. As someone brought up in France, you think her accent would be French. Instead, it's this strange affected accent. It's too bizarre to explain. Her character is whiny, diva-ish, and obnoxious. Lili is supposed to be a woman that men desire and lust after, but I don't know how anyone could feel that way about a girl who acts like a brat and is rude to everyone. The actress who plays Pagan is supposed to be English, but I didn't realize that she was until someone made some comment about where she was from. Her accent comes and goes throughout. Angela Landsbury also has a nice little cameo as Maxine's Aunt Hortense.

The dialogue can be awful, the clothes very Dynasty-like (apparently, every woman wore hats in the 80's), and the makeup looks like it was slapped on with a trowel. But, it is great fun. I hope the powers that be release it on DVD.
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