The lowest possible rating is a 1, but I reserve dispensing that to films that feature live animal killings like Cannibal Holocaust, Men Behind the Sun ...and all those lovely Korean films. This movie treads the line dangerously, showing gross-out images of decaying animals ad nauseum, but no animals were killed on screen. Still, excluding animal snuff films, this is about the WORST thing I've ever seen on a screen. Peter Greenaway may have an eye for symmetry, colours, contrast and shadows. Fine. But that's where his talents stop. He has no ability to write dialogue, to tell a story, to delve into philosophy or to inspire our emotions (other than disgust). It takes no talent to shock an audience. My 3 year old nephew can shock an audience by holding a dog turd. But how many directors can play on our more elevated emotions? Not Greenaway. He knows this. So he hides behind sarcasm, kind of like the dweeb at work who has no charm whatsoever, so he attempts to compensate by being "the sarcastic guy". Peter Greenaway is that guy. Imagine standing next to "the sarcastic guy" at work for two hours at the water cooler whilst he babbles about nonsensical, gross, vulgar things. That's the only way he can have a memorable impact. But all the while you're just standing there saying, "I wish he would shut up." Btw, if you don't know what I'm talking about, chances are "the sarcastic guy" is YOU. I tried so very, very, very, very hard to like this movie. I ignored the inane musical score (the same 4 chords plucked over & over, like some sort of Philip Glass nightmare). I put aside my revulsion for the fat naked women and hairy men with little weenies (Greenaway's trademark). And I accepted the histrionic acting as a deliberate satire. OK, fine. But an hour into it I realized that movies are not supposed to be a chore. They're not supposed to be some sort of endurance test whereby the audience learns the virtue of patience. Cripes, movies are supposed to be enjoyable or--at the very least--interesting. If you browse the discussion boards you'll see that the majority of Greenaway fans like him simply because "HE'S THE MOST SHOCKING DIRECTOR EVER!" or because "HIS FILMS ARE SO DISTURBING! AND WEIRD!" If these phrases appeal to you, then have a nice time. But if you're sitting there wondering, "yeah? what else?" Then you, like me, would profit by spending your time elsewhere.
Review of A Zed & Two Noughts
