1/10
The Dumbing Down of American Comedy!
4 June 2009
Warning: Spoilers
From the outset. I kept wondering how ordinary security guard schlub Ben Stiller could so easily become an infomercial king, hawking glow in the dark flashlights and earning gobs of money. Then I realized that the screenwriters couldn't just have him start off as a security guard at the museum again because people don't want to see the same thing twice when they pay money for a sequel. Nonetheless, the infomercial angle ends up being dropped like a hot potato and Stiller is back at the museum just like in the original. This time he learns that his pals at the Museum of Natural History are being shipped off to the basement archives at the Smithsonian. To make matters worse, they have to deal with some crazy Pharoah guy who needs to figure out a secret code that will unlock a door to ancient Egypt where all of his nasty minions are just waiting to get loose and wreak havoc upon an unsuspecting world.

There are moments in 'Battle for the Smithsonian' that feel like the script was dispensed with and the action was completely improvised. Take the scene with Stiller trying to break into the basement at the Smithsonian, opposed by the security guard played by Jonah Hill. The joke is that the security guard is a wuss and is easily dissuaded by the more persuasive Stiller. And this is the problem for every character in the film. They are all buffoons in one way or another and carry no moral weight.

The antagonist is played by Hank Azaria who has a one note part as a lisping Pharoah, Kahmunrah. He's joined by three villains from history: Napoleon Bonaparte, Ivan the Terrible and a young Al Capone. The three allies of the Egyptian have virtually nothing to do throughout the film—Bonaparte at one point jumps on top of Stiller, Capone waves a machine gun and Ivan basically scowls.

Stiller's allies fare no better. Owen Wilson plays a miniature cowboy trapped inside an hourglass by Kahmunrah. We're supposed to laugh as he is gradually submerged by the sand inside the hourglass pouring down on top of him. Steve Coogan is Wilson's buddy, playing another 'miniature', this time the famous Roman Emperor 'Octavius'. The Emperor's big moment is when he mistakes a squirrel for a giant creature and rides him back into the Smithsonian thinking he can take on Kahmunrah's army of bad guys. No laughs there! Bill Hader plays General Custer with an inferiority complex: he bemoans the fact that he'll always be remembered for his one bad moment at the Little Big Horn with all his other accomplishments ignored. While Custer is a complete clown, the Indian Princess Sacajawea berates him not for his hatred of Native Americans but rather for his incompetence as a soldier.

It takes a long time before Stiller's love interest, feminist icon Amelia Earhardt, played by Amy Adams, does what she does best: i.e. fly a plane. But most of the time she's nothing more than the feeble love interest in the film—chasing Stiller around, acting a bit spunky and providing moral support. Other wasted parts include Robin Williams as Teddy Roosevelt (in dual incarnations as Teddy on horseback and as a talking bust), a completely forgettable Attila the Hun and a bunch of grunting Neanderthals.

The plot is quite disappointing. After Kahmunrah finds out the 'secret code' from a Bobblehead Albert Einstein and unleashes the forces of evil, they all inexplicably run back into the portal after a giant Abraham Lincoln (roused from his sleep at the Lincoln Memorial) confronts them. Lincoln is reduced to an awkward giant, more like Lurch of the old Adams Family TV series than the great statesman of American history.

'Battle' was written mainly for the special effects department to show their stuff. There are a few clever visual effects when famous paintings come to life (most notable is when Stiller and Adams jump into the famous scene on VJ Day with the sailor and the nurse making out in Times Square). Rodan's 'Thinker' comes to life as a wise-talking Guido and there are three angel statues singing updated rap versions of r&b classics. All of this is nice to look at but it's simply not very funny.

I have never been a big fan of Ben Stiller but here he outdoes himself in a role that relies mainly on slapstick humor. There is nothing clever or witty about Battle for the Smithsonian. It represents a further dumbing down of American comedy. And the producers here should heed the old admonition—what goes around, comes around! Hopefully Kahmunrah will be putting a new curse on them in the future—at the box office, where it hurts!
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