Review of Combat Shock

Combat Shock (1984)
1/10
Slightly less shocking than the GI Joe animated movie
26 October 2009
Warning: Spoilers
First of all here are some of the comments others have made about this movie: "gritty", "disturbing", "one of the best movies of all time", "don't watch this alone", "powerful".

Here are my comments on this movie: "ridiculous", "hilarious", "pile of feces", "made with a two dollar budget", "if any other human being is willing to watch this movie with you, murder them".

spoilers** I can't begin to say how many positive reviews I've read about this movie. If you haven't seen it and just read the reviews you'll think this is the most gripping and disturbing war movie ever made. If you have seen it you'll think some retarded apes got hold of a camera, an army-man Halloween costume, and the worst human actor in the world and made a movie in one day. This movie is so bad it's indescribable. So I'll describe it a little.

Right off the bat you'll be blown away by the horrible production value and the ridiculous acting in this movie. The first scene shows the main character having flashbacks of Vietnam. And by Vietnam I mean the woods behind the director's house. The set in no way looks like Vietnam, and this dude in no way looks like a soldier. I know the movie was shot in the 70's, but I can't stress enough how bad it looks. Movies like The Shining and Taxi Driver were also made in the 70's and they still look great. So this pile of garbage doesn't get a pass just because of when it was made. Also like I said the acting is bad and I'm way too lazy to break down why, but if you watch it you'll know that it's bad and you don't like it.

So anyway, this guy is in 'Nam and he runs into some Vietnamese and he unloads his machine gun rambo-style into some random 'Nam girl. This of course pisses off her family so when he sees this he throws his gun down and runs away like a true soldier. But they quickly catch up with him and begin beating him in some sort of real time slow motion. Meaning I don't think the director knew how to use slow motion effects so he told the actors to move at half speed, which is pretty obvious when they "bash" him in the face with the butt of a gun by gently tapping him on the head.

Next thing you know the guy is in New York with his wife and crying baby. His wife complains that he neglects her and the baby and you can't blame him when you see what his wife looks like or what the baby looks like for that matter. His wife isn't a mutant and his baby might be. For the first couple minutes the baby is hidden and you're supposed to assume it's a normal non-mutant baby, but then his wife holds the baby in the light and you see that their baby is in fact a rubber doll with a monster face. What it's supposed to be is a mutant created by this soldier's Agent Orange tainted seed, but what it really is is the worst special effects creature in the history of film. Seeing this infant is supposed to elicit a horrific gasp from the viewer, but the odds are much better that seeing it will make the viewer press pause so they can laugh at it for a while and maybe take a cell phone pic for their wallpaper. The funny thing is other reviewers commented on the sadness or disturbingness of this baby as if it could be taken halfway seriously. Words can't do justice to how hilarious and lame this baby is. The only thing sad about the baby is the fact that this movie isn't a comedy and it's not supposed to make you laugh when you see it.

The whole plot of the movie is this guy comes back from 'nam and wanders the streets of NY trying to find work to pay off the debts he owes to some street hoods. I'd have to say this is the most boring part of the movie and yes I realize I just said it's the entire plot. What I'm getting at is the entire movie is boring and terrible. I'd have to say the best part of the movie is the catchy tune they keep looping over and over as he walks the gritty streets. If there were a soundtrack to this debacle I would buy it just for that gritty elevator music.

While wandering around he encounters some old friend of his who's a drug addict and other people that you don't care about and can't take seriously.

Then as a gift to anyone watching, the movie comes to an end when the guy can't take it anymore and blows his brains out in his apt. Hopefully you didn't put one in the chamber yourself and end your life before this point in the movie. Once again this lame ending is in no way "gritty" or "shocking". Also it should be clear to anyone who's made it this far in my review that I fast forwarded through huge chunks of the movie.

So in summary this movie is indeed a nightmare for the viewer. However not in the way the director intended. Rather than shocking you or surprising you this movie will make you poop your pants in sheer amazement at how bad it is. I suppose if the whole point of this movie was to make the viewer relate to the horror and isolation that soldiers felt from being in Viet Nam then it did succeed at that. After sitting through this mess I definitely feel like I went through enough atrocities to be awarded a Purple Heart.
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