Woodyanders Review of The First Turn-On!!

The First Turn-On!! (1983)

A choice chunk of vintage 80's Troma comedy trash

[8/10 · 1 January 2010]

Four teenagers and a summercamp counselor find themselves trapped in a cave after an avalanche. The quintet decide to make the time pass by faster by swapping (wildly embellished) stories about their first sexual experiences. Directors Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz, working from a blithely lowbrow script, gleefully wallow in a cheerfully crude and stupid sense of anything-goes dippy toilet bowl humor with a steady succession of always sophomoric and often sidesplitting no-brainer jokes about such things as pot smoking, hillbillies, urination, masturbation, herpes, and a hysterical group orgy scene that's truly something to behold. Naturally, we also get a tasty truckload of yummy female nudity and lots of leering soft-core sex. The cast broadly overact their colorful roles with deliciously enthusiastic go-for-it relish, with especially amusing contributions by Georgia Harrell as annoyingly chipper nature freak Michelle, Michael Sanville as macho lout Mitch, Googy Gress as tubby slob Henry, Heidi Miller as luscious tart Annie Goldberg, John Flood as the cocky Danny Anderson, Betty Pia as Danny's shrewish mom Ms. Anderson, and Mark Torgl (Melvin the mop boy in "The Toxic Avenger") as supremely disgusting geek Dwayne. Insanely foxy "Penthouse" Pet Sheila Kennedy burns up the screen as basically herself while Vincent D'Onofrio in his ignominious cinematic debut goes totally over the top as incredibly obnoxious psycho Lobotomy. The bouncy soundtrack and cornball stock film library score further enhance this picture's considerable inane charm. This is the type of flat-out idiotic junk that's frequently very funny because of its gloriously blatant and unapologetic dumbness. A complete raunchy'n'wacky riot.