The Tattooist (2007)
2/10
Awful attempt at a supernatural horror murder mystery.
13 February 2010
Warning: Spoilers
The Tattooist starts in Singapore where American tattooist Jake Sawyer (Jason Behr) is attending a tattoo festival, while there he sees an attractive woman named Sina (Mia Blake) & he follows to a traditional Samaon tattooing session. Jake is intrigued & steals a Samoan tattooing tool on which he cuts his hand later that night, Jake decides to fly to Aukland in New Zealand to find Sina & return the tool he stole but starts to experience strange dreams & visions. One of Jake's old friends gives him a job as a tattooist in his place, Jake manages to find Sina & they start having a relationship together. However the dreams & visions won't go away & Jake discovers that those he has tattooed are dying is mysteriously circumstances & strangely their tattoos have grown, Jake finally comes to the conclusion that an evil Samoan spirit is using him to kill those Jake has tattooed & since Jake tattooed the love of his life Sina she will be next unless the evil spirit can be stopped...

This New Zealand Singapore co-production was directed by Peter Burger & I thought The Tattooist was a terrible attempt at a supernatural horror thriller, I thought The Tattooist was just plain bad from start to finish on so many levels. For a start it's very slow going, almost half the film has gone before anything even remotely horror orientated happens & the story just doesn't work for me at all. There's a Asian ghost story kind of feel about it as some vengeful ghost kills a few people & wants the world to know about the wrongs done to them while they were alive & the whole tattooing angle is just awful. The scenes between that fat Samoan tattoo master & Jake the cocky American are just embarrassing as it comes across as two duelling tattooist's trying to out-stare each other, it seems some like this film but I just found the seriousness of it all had the opposite effect on me & I thought it was quite funny at times. Then there's that little fat kid who can contact ghost's while driving along listening to a bad rap song, there are some bad moments here. There's also the moments when Jake tattoos people, they just sit down in his chair & the goes to work, they never say what they want or where they want it & then these people just get up & walk out without paying, I'm not being funny but if I was having a tattoo (which would be for life) then I'd at least want to pick the design & where it was going. Also during the opening sequence Jake's father cuts a tattoo from his arm, at that point surely Jake wasn't eighteen & he wouldn't have been legally allowed to get a tattoo so how did he have one? The romance between Jake & Sina feels as phony as a three pound note, the whole Samoan tradition's & belief's angle is dull & the twist ending is pretty bad as a collection of coincidences come together to solve a murder mystery of the lamest order.

Now what I am about to write is only a personal opinion but I find excessive tattoos on a body absolutely repulsive, I don't care who i offend saying that but I do & I cannot understand why anyone would want horrible ugly pictures or patterns permanently etched onto their skin. I have nothing against anyone with lots of tattoos but I just think it looks repulsive & the way The Tattooist tries to place tattoos as a sexual thing (Jake tattoos Sina just before they have sex) & tries to sexualise them is something I could not relate to at all in any way. There's no real blood or gore here, a strip of flesh is cut from someones arm & there's a bit of blood splatter but nothing else. The Tattooist doesn't feel like a horror film either, the lighting is bright & there's no mood or atmosphere to any of this as it plods along.

The IMDb says The Tattooist had a budget of about $3,000,000 which I find hard to believe as next to nothing happens, where did all that money go? What was it spent on? Mostly filmed in Auckland in New Zealand. The acting is average at best & no-one stands out as being particularly good.

The Tattooist is a terrible horror thriller with a hint of Asian ghost story thrown in that revolves around the world of tattooing, it's a bad combination all round really as this is just terrible apart from a few unintentional laughs.
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