To paraphrase Freud, "there are times when a piece of detritus is just a piece of detritus." Similarly, there are times when a CGI weiner is just a CGI weiner. And on that same note, there are times when a heavily hyped 3D horror film manages to be so much less than the low standard it sets for itself. By the end of its 88 (mercifully fleeting) minutes, "Piranha 3D" had me wondering if a camera crew was going to enter the theater, revealing that what I had just watched was a practical joke before running the ACTUAL film.
Needless to say, that didn't happen.
Which means that yes, "Piranha 3D" really IS that bad.
Alexandre Aja, the French wunderkind behind the bloody psychothriller "High Tension," the mercilessly brutal remake of "The Hills Have Eyes," and that iffy movie about killer mirrors, has spent the better part of a year heralding his latest venture, an update of the Roger Corman-produced, Joe Dante-directed "Piranha" (itself a rip-off of "Jaws"). The concept seemed like a lock: the titular creatures with the razor-sharp teeth and unquenchable thirst for blood go ballistic on a couple dozen hardbodies during spring break; and to sweeten the deal (for those who prefer gore and boobies in their lap), the project would utilize 3D, the current industry standard for inflated ticket prices and deflated expectations.
How could this possibly fail? The problems with "Piranha 3D" (subsequently making it an even more frustrating picture) are so numerous that a college film course could be devoted solely to picking apart its flaws. The most glaring is the general lack of development all around: not just the characterizations (which are almost appallingly non-existent), but the plot (Christopher Lloyd is trotted out for a few lines of unconvincing exposition), the effects (the piranha exist in two forms: obvious CG close-up and murky, dark mass), the editing (the spring-break bloodbath is an incoherent mess of torn flesh shot largely in close-up), and the 3D itself (for a film that began with the notion of being an immersive experience, its use of the medium is actually less impressive than it was in "Friday the 13th Part 3," a film that's nearly 30 years old). In Henry Selick's "Coraline," the 3D effect was used to enhance elements of character and story that ultimately made the film an engaging trip into another world. In "Piranha," the effect (when it makes a rare, underwhelming appearance) is an obvious cash grab that feels like outright thievery.
In 2010, I thought the horror genre could see no greater low than the misbegotten remake of "A Nightmare on Elm Street." How wrong I was.
Needless to say, that didn't happen.
Which means that yes, "Piranha 3D" really IS that bad.
Alexandre Aja, the French wunderkind behind the bloody psychothriller "High Tension," the mercilessly brutal remake of "The Hills Have Eyes," and that iffy movie about killer mirrors, has spent the better part of a year heralding his latest venture, an update of the Roger Corman-produced, Joe Dante-directed "Piranha" (itself a rip-off of "Jaws"). The concept seemed like a lock: the titular creatures with the razor-sharp teeth and unquenchable thirst for blood go ballistic on a couple dozen hardbodies during spring break; and to sweeten the deal (for those who prefer gore and boobies in their lap), the project would utilize 3D, the current industry standard for inflated ticket prices and deflated expectations.
How could this possibly fail? The problems with "Piranha 3D" (subsequently making it an even more frustrating picture) are so numerous that a college film course could be devoted solely to picking apart its flaws. The most glaring is the general lack of development all around: not just the characterizations (which are almost appallingly non-existent), but the plot (Christopher Lloyd is trotted out for a few lines of unconvincing exposition), the effects (the piranha exist in two forms: obvious CG close-up and murky, dark mass), the editing (the spring-break bloodbath is an incoherent mess of torn flesh shot largely in close-up), and the 3D itself (for a film that began with the notion of being an immersive experience, its use of the medium is actually less impressive than it was in "Friday the 13th Part 3," a film that's nearly 30 years old). In Henry Selick's "Coraline," the 3D effect was used to enhance elements of character and story that ultimately made the film an engaging trip into another world. In "Piranha," the effect (when it makes a rare, underwhelming appearance) is an obvious cash grab that feels like outright thievery.
In 2010, I thought the horror genre could see no greater low than the misbegotten remake of "A Nightmare on Elm Street." How wrong I was.