Almost Human (2013)
4/10
Could have been okay if the director hadn't attempted to write it himself.
28 June 2014
I hate to rag on indies that are clearly made by genre fans with far more passion and good intentions than the soulless fare that the mainstream studios churn out, but Joe Begos needs to take a long hard look in a mirror and realize that he is not a good writer and whatever his next venture may be, he should stick to directing only. The direction here was adequate but the script was horrible.

I'm not being highbrow when I say that either, in a movie about a returned alien abductee going on a killing spree, I'm not looking for subtext or nuance or theme. If I want that stuff I'll hit the dramas. But, and this is important, I am looking for a script that doesn't feel like a cobbled together bunch of scenes from far better movies. You want to rip off ideas from The Hidden, Invasion of the Bodysnatchers, Fire in The Sky etc.? That's cool, but for heaven's sake at least attempt to put your own fingerprints on it otherwise all you succeed in doing is making me wish I was watching any one of the other movies instead.

On top of the derivative nature of the whole thing, the writing fails in many other aspects too. The dialogue is often cringe worthy and I honestly believe that the reviews that say this movie had bad acting are actually mistaking bad acting for reasonable actors doing the best they can with atrocious lines.

The director may have been going for an 80s throwback vibe but he fails in that aspect too. Aside from the excellent retro poster, nothing about this felt old school. It lacks all the charm and cheese (and character development) of 80s horror and the direction style certainly isn't throwback either. If you want to see a contemporary movie that truly looks and feels like it came from a previous era, watch Ti West's 'House of the Devil' instead.

Still, I made it through to the end without turning it off, which is something since I have adhd pretty bad. The story was entertaining enough to just hold my attention through the mercifully short 80 minutes or so and I'd recommend it to non-demanding indie horror fans looking for something to fill up an evening but not expecting a gem.

Joe Begos, if you happen to read this review, focus on directing my friend - you've got some chops in that and they could blossom - but part of the job of any good director is to realize when he needs to put the pen aside and work with a talented writer instead.
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