Sausage Party (2016)
1/10
If this movie was a physical object, I'd kick it in the shin.
9 September 2016
Warning: Spoilers
This film is the equivalent to a sixteen year old, fairly privileged middle class boy, who has a baseball cap, curtains and t-shirt with the marijuana leaf on it yet has only ever smoked one spliff and made a huge deal about it. He thinks that smoking weed makes him relevant. So he needs to let everyone know he does it because there's nothing else that will appeal about him. Because he doesn't want to come off as a nerd, he lowers his intelligence and because he is too 'dumb' to actually be funny, he swears every 10 seconds to constitute humour. Possibly still faps over that one single poster of a tanned girl in a bikini that his Uncle bought him on his birthday because he was 'becoming a man, bro.'

It was described to my boyfriend as 'offensive'. It wasn't. It's vulgar. It's not even the funny kind.

I watched it last night with my boyfriend. Only us and a group of three 'lads' were in the cinema. Understand, we all laughed more during the adverts and trailers than we did the actual movie.

Within the first five minutes, I was embarrassed that I subjected my boyfriend and I to this and knew it was going to disappoint me.

Immediately, you're met with profanity. Now, once or twice to give the impression that hot dogs swear is fine. Swearing so much to substitute for lack of humour is just pathetic. Amidst the language, nothing funny was said. That's bad writing.

There's the joke that hot dogs are having sex with buns when they're put into the buns. That makes sense as a joke. It's a safe bet. This would have been modestly funny had it not been repeated throughout the whole film.

Yes, we get it. The sausage is a phallic shape and goes into a bun.

It really puts it to you within the first few minutes. A pack of sausages shaming each other about their size and shape. (BECAUSE THEY ARE METAPHORICAL PENISES DON'T YOU KNOW! HAR HAR!) Again though, not funny or clever. Then courting the lady-buns by being vulgar. Sausage calls bun a b***h.

It was clear that I'd sat us down for an uninspired and lazy flop.

I laughed modestly twice. I laughed out of obligation and embarrassment about 5 times.

There were a few clever bits. I am a fan of wordplay, so to see someone riding a bottle of 'Horseradish Sauce' was satisfying. The Frankfurters were played as Nazis who hated 'Juice' and their symbol was 'ff', made to look the Nazi alternative. Offensive, yes, but a little clever. I like offensive humour.

There were so many opportunities for actual humour it hurts. Nothing that could have been funny was displayed for more than a second.

There was a graphic rape scene.

I get that it sounds ridiculous when you hear that it's a douche forcefully sucking the juice out of a carton.

You might think I am being silly, but I swear to you, if it had been humans, it would have been pretty horrific.

Because it was a cartoon, you were expected to laugh at rape.

Ha ha. No. I don't think any of the viewers found that funny, even the 'laddish' blokes at the back didn't crack a humoured grin.

There's also this really awkward sex scene at the end where all the food engage. This is to really bring home the hot-dog/penis metaphor.

A taco has lesbian sex with a bread roll.

My fingers hurt from typing.

If you're 12 years old and completely new to sex, drugs and swearwords, you and your dude-bros will love this.

If you require a little more maturity and intelligence in your humour, AVOID. Otherwise you'll leave needing to take a shower and needing to withdraw from cinema.
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