yowilwasup Review of Collider

Collider (2018)

Better off if your head has a "Collider" with a large rock then watch this.

[1/10 · 15 August 2018]

(see what I did with the review title? That bit of drack is more entertainment then you'll get from this whole movie) The plot (my apologies to movies that actually have them) has something to do with a girl using time travel to figure out why she's in a orphanage. But it's not really and orphanage but rather a corporate prison for people who time traveled. Also there are parallel universes and alternate timelines and of course multiple intertwined and jumbled paradoxes and booze hidden in the woods. So in this film things happen. Such as characters moving from the outside to indoors. And people pretending to dig for coal that is already lying im piles on the grass. Polite attempted murders. People have conversations and i almost forgot there's lots of running on the woods. There are only two plot points that are of consequence. The first is the "title sequence" and the second is the "end credits". These let the audience know when they started wasting their time and when they have finished wasting their time. The character's dialogue randomly reveals bits of unexplained motivations. Characters time travel for no good reason. Also the is a "resistance" of some sort. It was either the "People's Front of Judea" or the "Judean People's Front" (I get them confused). Now I have a confession. I'm not a doctor. But most of this movie indicates the creative force behind this fiasco is suffering from either "Transient Global Amnesia" (thats the amnesia where you forget what you're doing or where you are) or "Anterograde Amnesia" (that's the amnesia where you forgot what you did yesterday) either could explain the repeated scenes and complete lack of context and all the running through the woods. Unfortunate medical conditions aside. The big climax is a rambling speech by the "villain" that sounds like the dialogue from a dozen different time travel movies squished together. I think the screenwriter might have overheard while having diarrhea (from bad sharma) so he couldn't quite concentrate on which he wanted to use. Anyway to spoil it for you, when the heroin asks the villain "why?" (Why what? I don't know) the answer is something like "that's what we do, that's how it's always been done". I'd go back and get the bit of dialogue for verbatim but in an celebratory act of relief when the movie was over I tried to flush my TV remote down the toilet. So none of this schlock made sense. I didn't look into it but it's possible that most of the principal photography was lost when time traveling film critics travelled back in time to destroy the film but forgot to erase a partially completed trailer. Then in a herculean effort by the film's editor, the movie was reassembled from the little he had to work with. Why? Because that's what they do. That's what they always done.