Review of Crawl

Crawl (I) (2019)
1/10
the dumbness knows no bounds
24 November 2019
Warning: Spoilers
This is another example where i'm baffled by the reviews. After watching it, i was expecting to see negative scores on rotten tomatoes, IMDb and from my favorite youtube reviewers. Not only did it receive high ratings on both sites, but every one of the youtube reviewers i like gave it positive reviews. I hate being suspicious, but what were you guys watching.

This movie is absolute garbage. And i really wasn't expecting much in the first place. A half decent and mildly entertaining movie would have satisfied my thirst. But this movie is TERRIBLE.

The amount of dumb things that i want to make fun of could fill an essay. The extent of the stupidity in the decision making is mind-bottling (it traps your thoughts in a bottle lol). I generally try to let things slide and try not to focus on small dumb things, but these were GLARING. I wanted to yell at the screen, which is rare for me. It was driving me nuts.

The acting was okay. From a technical aspect is was serviceable. But this movie had very little entertainment for me. It was zero scary, not even startling. I didn't care about the characters. It was SOOOOO predictable. I guessed like 20 things that were about to happen. Immediately. It wasn't even a question.

In summation, this movie was awful. And i really wonder if money is tainting some of the reception it's receiving. (1 viewing 11/22/19)

SPOILERS

i'm going to try to list as many things as i can remember. The first and maybe worst thing for me happened very early in the movie. She goes into this "crawl space" that's more like a basement. When i first saw it i assumed she would be able to stand. She starts crawling in dirty mud-water, with mice everywhere, giant piles of feces, and dead and rotting animals. So i start thinking, maybe i'm wrong. But they would show these angles that clearly shows there is at least 5 feet of room to stand, if not more. At worst, she would have to crouch a little. But give me back pain over crawling in disgustingness. And to make it worse, the rest of the movie they show them standing up like it's normal. W....... T....... H...... drove me nuts. This is more of an idiotic director decision than a dumb character decision

it's going to take to long to list everything so how about just the worst dumb character decision. They are in a safe area where the crocs can't get em. But the phone is outside of this area. She needs to get it! She's gonna do it! Jump over the barrier. Get it quick and come, 2 seconds no problem. But she needs her dad to distract with conversation.

Okay fine. Dad, give her an easy convo to keep her distracted. Nope, dad starts talking about serious stuff that's been brewing for years. Are you DUMB. Daughter says dad stop i need to focus. BUT YOU ASKED FOR A DISTRACTION.

This is all happening while she's in the dangerous area. A minute passes. The phone isn't that far!!! Whatever, finally she got it. Now she'll run back to the safe area and make a call............................

........................................

..........................................................................................

are you KIDDING ME. She starts making a call in the dangerous area. BRO. BRO. BRO. I wanted to flip out. This is unacceptable. Either the director is such an oblivious moron who doesn't understand the situation he's directing, or he knows and intentionally did it this way to create more tension using a scenario that makes zero possible sense and makes you want the character to die from how dumb they are. UNACCEPTABLE.

Of course the gator sees her during the call, she loses the phone and it gets stepped on. Guys. How could you possibly give this a positive review. This is just one thing. I wrote 5 paragraphs about one, just ONE, dumb moment. There are many many more.
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