Review of Abigail

Abigail (2024)
4/10
Underwhelming and Unimpressive
23 April 2024
Everything in this movie is mediocre except the cinematography and the production design. I was looking forward to this due to me really liking Radio Silence's 'Ready or Not'. I was hoping for a fun horror comedy akin to that, but 'Abigail' ended up being as frustrating and obnoxious as their 2 'Scream' movies. It was however, better than 'Scream 5', but that's not saying much.

The acting all round is pretty bad. Dan Stevens is hamming it up, Melissa Barrera is a blank slate, but the worst performance by a mile is from Kathryne Newtown. Newtown has been bad in everything I've seen her in ('Detective Pikachu', the 'Death Note' remake), but here she's impressively awful, she can't even scream convincingly. The little girl is good for a child actress, but her dialogue is embarrassing lazy and stilted. She's the exact same kind of "toying with her victims" villain we've seen a million times before, now just in child form.

There are TWO 3-minute exposition scenes in this movie where a character just stops the film dead in its tracks, and explains everyone's backstory. It wouldn't be as unbearable if these characters weren't stock and unlikeable, but not one of them has an interesting backstory, so wasting this time trying to "flesh them out" ends up being a complete, cliched waste. Theres even a gag where the big "muscle" character screams like a little girl, as if we haven't seen that joke a million times before...

There were no engaging twists or revelations, and the characters were impossibly stupid. Unlike 'Ready or Not', where the lead character makes smart decisions, and the villains only make idiotic decisions because that's core to their character, the group in 'Abigail' are "professionals" who only make moronic decisions to further the contrived plot.

One aspect that surprised me was how many loud and amateur jump-scares there were. None of them were effective, and the editing is akin to something you'd expect from a horror short on YouTube. The sound design is particularly egregious and insistent, and all but one of the needle drops are total cringe. There's no moments of tension or thrill. I doubt even a 12 year old would find any of this scary.

It even uses the same exploding-bodies trick from 'Ready or Not', but in a much dumber and unsatisfying way. It even ends in the same way, with one character saying pretty much the exact same thing as Samara Weaving in 'Ready or Not'. It's just them playing the hits from their one good movie. There's not an original bone in this movie, despite it clearly insisting that it's some fresh, slick new take on vampires.

I've seen a lot of stuff these two directors have done, including their sections in 'Southbound' and 'V/H/S', and it's clear that Gillet and Bettinelli-Olpin only have one good movie in them, and that's mostly due to the fact that the premise in 'Ready or Not' is really hard to screw up. I don't ask for much, I've seen tonnes of tiny budget, straight-to-streaming comedy horrors that are far more inventive, funny and transgressive than this forgettable chore.
74 out of 118 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed