5/10
Flat and boring
11 May 2024
I like Henry Cavill, I like Alan Ritchson, I like Guy Ritchie. So, in theory, I should have liked this movie. However, I also like the movies not to be just a bunch of worn out tropes and cliches loosely stitched together without any sense, and this movie is exactly that.

There is very little good about it, but plenty of bad. The script, although based on a true, and supposedly interesting, story, is horrible, making for an uninteresting and completely unbelievable viewing. The protagonists are basically an indestructible bunch of superheroes, that cannot be harmed by any means, and destroy enemies by merely looking at them. They loosely wave their weapons in the general direction of the enemies and the enemies all die, apparently killed by self guided smart bullets.

The British government and military is supposedly full of traitors, defeatists and collaborationists, except for maybe two guys and the superhero team. Also, we are never given a satisfactory reason why they would be so vehemently opposed to the mission. Maybe because it was so "ungentlemanly" and the British are such gentlemen (if being a gentleman means stealing other nations' lands and resources and killing the native people, while saying "sir" and "good morning" in a very stuck up way).

There is zero tension. Fake, "insurmountable" obstacles are introduced every couple of minutes, only to be resolved seconds later without any effort. By the time it happens for the second or third time, you don't care at all, because you know that it doesn't mean anything.

There is no character development, no originality. Protagonists are the best at everything. The main villain has zero personality, zero originality, zero... anything. He is super evil, the end, and he basically does nothing for the whole movie, except existing in a very evil way.

Alan Ritchson's character is supposed to be 22. Ritchson can't pass as a twenty-something by any stretch of imagination.

The obligatory femme fatale is a paper thin stereotype, the best looking, the smartest, the coolest. She is also a crack shot that hits every target with the aiming technique that would not enable her to hit the side of a barn from two steps away. She is also supposed to be British-German-Jewish, but the actress is Mexican and looks it.

The movie is also filled by meaningless scenes of empty and stupid dialogue that is supposed to sound deep and smart but instead just pads the run time. The action scenes, on the other hand, are too cartoonish to be taken seriously, and not funny enough to be considered comedy.

I kept watching hoping that it would get better, but it stayed flat and boring until the end.
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