The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Friendship Algorithm (2009)
Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter
Photos
Quotes
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Leonard Hofstadter : There you go. Now any e-mail from Wolowitz will go right into your spam folder.
Penny : Thanks. I mean the e-mail doesn't bother me as much as the vacation pictures of him in a bathing suit.
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, I got the same one. And that's not a bathing suit, it's a tan line.
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Rajesh Koothrappali : I'm curious; in the 'How Well Do You Know Sheldon' section, what did you put for his favorite amino acid?
Leonard Hofstadter , Howard Wolowitz : Lysine.
Rajesh Koothrappali : Damn it! I had lysine and changed it!
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[first lines]
Rajesh Koothrappali : Mmmm! Gentlemen, I put it to you: the worst tapioca pudding is better than the best pudding of any other flavor.
Sheldon Cooper : First off, that is axiomatically wrong because the best pudding is chocolate. Secondly, the organic structure of tapioca makes it a jiggling bowl of potential death. It is extracted from the plant...
Howard Wolowitz : - Hey, I'm thinking of growing a mustache.
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, no kidding. A Fu Manchu, a handlebar, pencil?
Sheldon Cooper : It's extracted from the plant...
Howard Wolowitz : I'm not sure yet. You know, George Clooney has one now.
Rajesh Koothrappali : Really? I once saw him shopping at Ralphs. He was buying tequila.
Howard Wolowitz : Oh, you'd think a guy like that would have some kind of booze lackey.
[Sheldon's face and eyes are twitching]
Leonard Hofstadter : Alright, this is cruel. We better let him finish before his head explodes.
Howard Wolowitz : Alright, Sheldon, why is tapioca...
[at lightning speed]
Sheldon Cooper : Tapioca is extracted from the root of the plant Manihot esculenta. Due to a high concentration of cyanide it is poisonous in its raw form and lethal if prepared improperly.
[takes a drink]
Rajesh Koothrappali : Feel better now?
Sheldon Cooper : It is also indigenous to Brazil, as is the cocoa bean from which we get chocolate, the best pudding.
[to Leonard]
Sheldon Cooper : You promised you wouldn't do that anymore.
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[last lines]
[all three guys are looking upwards]
Howard Wolowitz : You got to give him credit for sticking with it.
Leonard Hofstadter : I didn't think he had it in him.
Rajesh Koothrappali : He almost made it to the top this time.
[camera pulls back to show Sheldon hanging in his harness, out cold]
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Leonard Hofstadter : My point is, if you want to learn how to make friends, then just go out to a coffee shop or a museum, meet people, talk to them, take an interest in *their* lives.
Sheldon Cooper : That's insane on the face of it.
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Leonard Hofstadter : What I'm trying to say is that maybe you can't approach this as a purely intellectual exercise.
Sheldon Cooper : What do you mean?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, uh, remember when you tried to learn how to swim using the internet?
Sheldon Cooper : I *did* learn how to swim.
Leonard Hofstadter : On the floor.
Sheldon Cooper : The skills are transferable. I just have no interest in going in the water.
Leonard Hofstadter : Then why learn how to swim?
Sheldon Cooper : The ice caps are melting, Leonard. In the future, swimming isn't going to be optional.
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Sheldon Cooper : I believe I've isolated the algorithm for making friends.
Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, there is no algorithm for making friends.
Howard Wolowitz : Hear him out. If he's really onto something, we could open a booth at ComiCon; make a fortune.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, what are you doing?
Sheldon Cooper : I'm making friends with this little girl. What's your name?
Rebecca : Rebecca.
Sheldon Cooper : Hi, Rebecca. I'm your new friend, Sheldon.
Leonard Hofstadter : [pulling Sheldon away] No, you're not. Let's go.
Sheldon Cooper : We were really hitting it off.
Leonard Hofstadter : Don't look up, there's cameras.
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Sheldon Cooper : I've made substantial progress in bonding with Kripke, which brings me to an awkward moment.
Leonard Hofstadter : What's that?
Sheldon Cooper : Maintaining five friendships promises to be a Herculean task. So... I'm going to have to let one of you go.
Howard Wolowitz : [whispering] Me, me. Let it be me.
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Sheldon Cooper : Tsk, tsk, tsk. Your questionnaire, very disappointing.
Leonard Hofstadter : I answered every question, Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : You answered the multiple choice questions in a pattern. See, A-B-B-A-C, A-B-B-A-C.
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, you picked up on that, huh?
Sheldon Cooper : Yeah, wait... How could I not?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, uh, come on. There's over two hundred questions. And look at some of these things. "Sheldon is to camaraderie as the space shuttle is to blank."
Sheldon Cooper : There are a number of acceptable answers. For example, "c", near-Earth transport. But certainly not "b", avocado rancher. And your essay, suggesting that I'd have better luck making friends if I wait 'till the Cylons take over? Please.
Leonard Hofstadter : Hold on. I put some real work into that.
Sheldon Cooper : Yes, well, it's better than what Wolowitz did. He drew a raccoon with what appears to be a distended scrotum.
Leonard Hofstadter : [looking at the drawing] It's kind of cute.
[Sheldon looks offended]
Leonard Hofstadter : Uh, 'till you get to the scrotum.
Sheldon Cooper : Yeah. What hope do I have for establishing new relationships, given that my current friends apparently could not take a few hours out of their lives to help me?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, Sheldon, I'm not going to defend a big-balled raccoon.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, I don't see how you could.
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Sheldon Cooper : Oh, good. You're just in time. I believe I've isolated the algorithm for making friends.
Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, there is no algorithm for making friends.
Howard Wolowitz : Hear him out. If he's really onto something, we could open a booth at Comic-Con, make a fortune.
Sheldon Cooper : You see, my initial approach with Kripke had the same deficiencies as those that plagued Stu the Cockatoo when he was new at the zoo.
Rajesh Koothrappali : Stu the Cockatoo?
Leonard Hofstadter : [sarcastic] Yes. He's new at the zoo.