It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)
Mac and Dennis: Manhunters (2008)
Kaitlin Olson: Dee Reynolds
Photos
Quotes
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Charlie Kelly : [Charlie and Dee examine bodies in a morgue] These are two dead bodies.
Dee Reynolds : They're dead. Two dead guys.
Charlie Kelly : This is the real deal here.
Dee Reynolds : [Examining African American specimen] I don't think I can eat this guy.
Charlie Kelly : I don't think I can, right? Why is that?
Dee Reynolds : I don't know.
Charlie Kelly : It's not because he's black, though, right?
Dee Reynolds : Of course not... I don't think so... No.
Charlie Kelly : It's because he's dead, right?
Dee Reynolds : It's because he's dead, that's why not.
Charlie Kelly : Good, good, good.
[pause]
Charlie Kelly : I've got a question for you: is it racist if we don't eat this guy?
Dee Reynolds : Well, shit, Charlie. Now it is.
Charlie Kelly : I'm sorry, Dee.
[walking over to white specimen]
Charlie Kelly : The white guy over here looks better to me for some reason.
Dee Reynolds : So much better, doesn't he? What is that?
Charlie Kelly : You know what it is? Generally, I don't eat dark meat.
Dee Reynolds : I prefer the white meat. I always have.
Charlie Kelly : It's not that guy. It's this guy.
Dee Reynolds : The problem is: I'm gonna have a really hard time if we're both cannibals *and* we're racists.
Dee Reynolds : We're not, Dee. Cannibalism? Racism? Dee, that's not for us. You know? Those are the decisions that are best left to the suits in Washington. Okay? We're just here to eat some dude.
Dee Reynolds : You lost me with Washington, but the rest I agree with. So let's eat a peace of this guy.
Charlie Kelly : [long, apprehensive pause] I can't do it.
Dee Reynolds : No. Me neither.
Charlie Kelly : The goods news is, I guess this means we're not racist.
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Frank Reynolds : Ah I see you two are enjoying my meat. I was just buying some wine. A nice port to compliment what you two have just eaten. By the way, you know what you've just eaten right?
Dee Reynolds : Was it venison?
Frank Reynolds : You WISH it was venison!
Charlie Kelly : What is it then?
Frank Reynolds : THAT which you have just eaten, which your taste buds have savored, which your teeth have just torn apart, THAT is human meat.
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Frank Reynolds : [Charlie and Dee are discussing where to get some human meat from Frank] That wasn't human meat! It was raccoon meat. You probably got a tapeworm, that stuff is loaded with parasites!
Charlie Kelly : [Charlie starts laughing hysterically] Raccoon meat! BULLSHIT!
Dee Reynolds : Oh yes Frank, we're gonna go get some of that human meat of yours!
Charlie Kelly : [brandishing a butcher knife] I'M GONNA CHOP A PIECE OF THAT FAT LITTLE CALF MUSCLE OF YOURS AND I'M GONNA EAT IT! GET HIM!
[Charlie and Dee chase after Frank]
Mac : And the hunt is on once again.
Dennis Reynolds : Oh those two are gonna have so much fun.
[Dennis goes and locks the door]
Mac : Yes indeed. But the question still remains with what to do with Mr. Cricket.
Dennis Reynolds : Yup Mac, it's just us now. Just you and me, and a couple of pairs of sour, sweaty balls.