The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Ornithophobia Diffusion (2011)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Howard Wolowitz : All right Sheldon, your bird death ray is ready.

  Sheldon Cooper : It's not a death ray. It's just a little ultrasonic blast to scare him off. Trust me, if I had a death ray, I wouldn't be living here. I'd be in my lair enjoying the money the people of Earth gave me for not using my death ray.

• Bernadette Rostenkowski : [picking up the bird]  He's a sweetie.

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes, it's very sweet. Now, slowly and carefully... flush him down the toilet.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Sheldon, the only way to get past this fear is to interact with it. Just like you did with the mailman.

• Sheldon Cooper : [after touching the bird]  I did it! I actually did it... Okay, now flush him.

• Sheldon Cooper : Age seven, a blood-thirsty chicken chases me up a tree. Age 12, a magpie tries to steal the retainer out of my mouth. Age 16, a parrot in a pet store calls me fat ass. Need I go on?

  Raj Koothrappali : Yes, please. This is way better than the movie.

• Sheldon Cooper : [as the bird flies out the window]  Get back here, you stupid bird, so I can love you!

• Sheldon Cooper : [talking to a blue jay]  If you were a dove, I'd call you Lovey Dovey. Oh, who am I kidding? This isn't a moment for strict adherence to the literal. You're just my Lovey Dovey, aren't you?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Guess you gotta have hollow bones to get some sugar around here.

• Sheldon Cooper : This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. I'm at 2311 North Robles Avenue. I'd like to report a dangerous wild animal. A blue jay. I'm sorry, this is Animal Control, I don't understand the laughter. No, the bird is not in my home. If he was in my home, I obviously would have called 911.

• Bernadette Rostenkowski : I still think he looks like someone's pet. Maybe we should put up posters.

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes. It should have a big picture of him and the words: "Is this your bird? Not anymore."

• Sheldon Cooper : Quick, what does a hawk sound like?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Uh, I don't know... Scree! Scree!

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, please. That's a seagull.

• Leonard Hofstadter : [Wearing a t-shirt, jeans and a backwards baseball cap]  Too casual?

  Sheldon Cooper : For an audience with the Queen, yes. For an evening of passing a bottle of fortified wine around a flaming trashcan, you look great.

• Amy Farrah Fowler : Sheldon, what do you expect us to do?

  Sheldon Cooper : You're biologists. Biology is the study of living things. That's a living thing. Get crackin'.

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : I specialize with microorganisms, and Amy studies brains.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Yeah, neither of us minored in bird shooing.

• Penny : Really? On top of everything, you're scared of birds?

  Sheldon Cooper : It's called Ornithophobia, one day it will be recognized as a true disability and the landlord will be required by law to throw a giant net over the building which is unfortunate because I have a fear of nets

• Leonard Hofstadter : [after Sheldon freaking out about the bird]  Sheldon, just ignore him.

  Sheldon Cooper : Good idea! Attention is what birds want.

• Leonard Hofstadter : Do you think I'm overdressed?

  Sheldon Cooper : Depends on the activity. For a prostate exam, yes. To play in Vegas, I'd add sequins.

  Leonard Hofstadter : I'm going to the movies with Penny. I don't want her to think that I think it's a date.

  Sheldon Cooper : Do you think it's a date?

  Leonard Hofstadter : No. But she might think that I think it's a date even though I don't.

  Sheldon Cooper : Or you might think she thinks you think it's a date even though she doesn't.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Are you overthinking this?

  Sheldon Cooper : Not at all.

  Leonard Hofstadter : You're right. I'm fine. I'm wearing this.

  Sheldon Cooper : Really? A blazer? All right.

• Sheldon Cooper : This is ridiculous. I'm a grown man from Texas. This isn't a terrifying bird like a swan or a goose. It's just a blue jay.