Mon, Jul 16, 2012
An Adventurekateer Distress Signal interrupts Captain Laserbeam's speech at a Seder dinner with Rabbi Vasquez at Temple Beth Apex. He follows it back to a darkened Adventurekateer Clubhouse only to discover Phillip Fathom, Deep Sea Detective there instead. Fathom informs him that several heroes' sidekicks have been kidnapped, including Adventurekateer Patrick, but warns Laserbeam off the case and disappears. Indignantly, Captain Laserbeam decides to pursue and finds a clue that Fathom missed: a note from Patrick telling him that Tinker Taylor has kidnapped him. Meanwhile, Tinker Taylor, assisted by Tyler, tries to convince Patrick, Investigateen Seth, and a Bambini from the Italian Battalion's Bambini Squad that their heroes are mistreating them, but his ineffectual arguments and the kids' infighting bear little fruit. Captain Laserbeam shows up and Tinker Taylor yells at him about past grievances for awhile, then activates his deathtrap. As soon as Captain Laserbeam is incapacitated, though, Phillip Fathom and the Italian Battalion show up, disable the deathtrap and incapacitate Tinker Taylor and Tyler. Laserbeam freeze laser them, and Tinker Taylor mournfully remembers a time as an Adventurekateer when he and Tyler were kidnapped by the Ice Queen, which garners him a bit of sympathy before he is carted off to jail.
Mon, Sep 24, 2012
Captain Laserbeam and Phillip Fathom are embroiled in an argument about closing the beaches of Apex City Harbor due to the threat posed by Rosa Sharks. The Adventurekateer Distress signal interrupts and Captain Laserbeam jets off to answer. Heartbroken heroine Lady Justice, assisted by her henchman Garrett, has sent all the villainesses in Apex City on a rampage for revenge upon their first true loves. Captain Laserbeam calls in Dream Girl -- recently returned to Apex City to figure some stuff out on her own -- to team-up against against the new threat. She agrees, but only because she knows why Lady Justice has turned bad: a recent breakup with Dream Girl herself. Captain Laserbeam and Dream Girl confront her, but are quickly caught in Lady Justice's emotion-modified trap. Luckily, Phillip Fathom traces the female crime spree back to its source and sends a fisherang into the gears of Lady Justice's plot.
Mon, Dec 3, 2012
Captain Laserbeam is at a Christmas charity event for starving orphans in Apex City's Galatorium. The city's millionaires--except playboy philanthropist Joshua Valor--have come to be entertained by Captain Laserbeam. Just as he is about to regale them with his favorite Christmas story, however, the Adventurekateer Distress Signal summons him to the Clubhouse. When Captian Laserbeam arrives, however, Patrick and Dana have no news of any recent villainy. Instead, they got Laserbeam a Christmas present, and Patrick got too excited about it and sounded the signal. Though Captain Laserbeam is annoyed, he quickly brightens after laser-unwrapping the gift--it's a laserdisc copy of Jumbo Saves Christmas, the very tale he was about to tell the millionaires. But just as Laserbeam is about to watch the special with the kids, a wave of confusion passes. In its wake, Dana and Patrick no longer understand the word "Christmas," hearing it instead as an edited beeping sound. Captain Laserbeam deduces that such a dastardly deed was surely committed by Anti-Claus, who is, seasonally speaking, his most dangerous foe at the moment. The kids, though confused about the problem, offer suggestions of possible team-ups. Patrick unwittingly mentions Mr. Marvelous, the Top Notch Man, unaware of recent bad news: He came back from a fight in the Opposite Zone... changed. Captain Laserbeam decides to go it alone and uses a tracking laser to find the source of the anti-Christmas radiation. Meanwhile, Anti-Claus and Tyler are discuss payroll matters when Captain Laserbeam bursts in. Anti-Claus quickly ensnares him in The Terror Globe, a snow-globe that will atomize Laserbeam into artificial snowflakes. Willpower-based feedback destroys the deathtrap handily enough, but Tyler has a trick up his sleeve: a beam that sends Captain Laserbeam into the Opposite Zone. With the hero gone, Anti-Claus successfully erases all memory of Christmas. Victory is short-lived, however--Captain Laserbeam returns from the Opposite Zone with friends in tow: the real Mr. Marvellous, who helped him escape, and Anti-Claus' opposite, Anti-Anti-Claus. Laserbeam traps the villain and henchman with a freeze laser, Anti-Anti-Claus restores the memory of Christmas (and beats up Anti-Claus), and the ne'er-do-wells are sent to jail.
Mon, Mar 25, 2013
Captain Laserbeam is assisting The Righteous Brothers, Matthew and Terry, in a fight against their greatest foe, The Churchnapper. After a quick takedown, The Righteous Brothers rope Captain Laserbeam into a religious conversation. He quickly pretends to hear the Adventurekateer Distress Call on a frequency only he can discern and races off to the Adventurekateer Clubhouse, finding it empty. After killing time alone for a few minutes, Captain Laserbeam is joined by Adventurekateers William and Patrick, who inform him that Shape Ape has committed an act of vandalism: changing the shape of the town square. After listening to the boys bicker for a bit, Laserbeam races off. Meanwhile, Shape Ape, accompanied by a disaffected Tyler, is hiding in the Apex City Arboretum and pondering some of the deep existential questions of the world--such as "can anyone possibly conceive of a five sided shape?"--as his henchmen cut foliage into triangles to make geome-trees. Captain Laserbeam bursts upon the scene only to be quickly caught in Shape Ape's deathtrap, the Cube of Triangles. he summons his willpower only to find William and Patrick's earlier bickering less than inspiring. Luckily, Matthew and Terry Righteous swoop in to break the deathtrap and together they all incapacitate Shape Ape and Tyler. The Righteous Brothers attempt to continue their earlier conversation to little avail.
Mon, Jun 24, 2013
Captain Laserbeam helping 3/4 of The First Family--FLOTUS, Little Jackie, and Steve-Steve--take down the Beaknapper while patriarch Professor President is off campaigning. Once the noise-hating menace is nabbed, Little Jackie starts bickering with her mother and little brother Steve-Steve. Captain Laserbeam offers to take Jackie to the Adventurekateer Clubhouse to meet some kids her own age, and FLOTUS agrees. Captain Laserbeam and Little Jackie show up just as board-game wiz Omar is about to beat Lynn in the pleventh level of the Captain Laserbeam board and card game. Introductions are made, and Lynn immediately clashes with Jackie, perceiving her political status and superpowers to be unfair to the proletariat, or something. She cites the source of her strong liberal views as her history teacher, Mr. Blum. Omar mentions casually that Mr. Blum had been involved in an industrial accident at the Fossil Fuel Processing Plant, and is presumed dead--though a blurry photograph of a mutant monstrosity was taken moments later. Little Jackie's atomic sense of worry jangles at that news, and she and Captain Laserbeam intuit that a mutated Mr. Blum probably would have kidnapped Professor President. Omar and Lynn confirm that that would be entirely in character. Jackie and Laserbeam jet off. Meanwhile, Professor President is indeed held hostage by Mr. Blum , now half dinosaur, in a classroom at Eli Whitney Middle School. The two argue politics for a few minutes until Captain Laserbeam and Little Jackie burst upon the scene. Laserbeam dubs Blum with a nom-de-villainy, the Hysterosaur, as Little Jackie atomizes her father's binding. Professor President reveals that he could have escaped at any time, but thought that rational discussion with Blum was the best course of action. He offers the help of his super-scientist son to attempt to return mutated teacher normal again, and Blum agrees. FLOTUS and Steve-Steve show up to rescue Professor President even more, but upon their arrival, FLOTUS's electrical field mutates Blum further. In the throes of transformation, he warns them off. Jackie wishes to atomize him to neutralize the threat, but Captain Laserbeam thinks fast and freeze-lasers the reptile man, putting him to sleep. Professor President declares his intention to bring Blum back to Steve-Steve's lab and promises Captain Laserbeam a medal for his efforts.
Mon, Aug 19, 2013
Captain Laserbeam is raising money for the Apex City high school marching band at the car wash when the Adventurekateer distress call goes off. The Adventurekateers inform him that the Die-brarian has returned to Apex City. Captain Laserbeam sends the Adventurekateers to the car wash and heads to the Die-brarian's secret lair, the Card Catacombs. As Laserbeam fights Papercut, a henchman, the Die-brarian activates his Tableau Ray and forces Papercut and Laserbeam to act out a Die-orama of The Cask of Amontillado. Upon remembering Leslie and Bethany's words, Captain Laserbeam uses his laser willpower to escape and captures the Die-brarian in his freeze laser.
Mon, Sep 16, 2013
Captain Laserbeam and Phillip Fathom are on a stakeout in Apex Harbor when a Distress Signal summons Laserbeam back to the Adventurekateers Clubhouse. The Die-brarian has been sighted at the local school, delivering books and shaking hands with the Principal. Mind control is suspected. Fathom shows up to assist, having just solved the case he was staking out earlier. Fathom and Laserbeam leave immediately, but Laserbeam arrives there first--thanks, Laser Speed!--only to get trapped in a Prism Prison. The Die-brarian begins monologuing about his most recent evil plan, which Captain Laserbeam slowly realizes, with a lot of help from henchman Papercut is actually just charity work, donating remaindered books to local schools and libraries. Just as Captain Laserbeam realizes this, Phillip Fathom shows up and frees him from the Prism, intent on taking the Die-brarian down. Laserbeam tries to explain that the villain is actually doing good, but Fathom is unmoved, instead sticking to his twisted, antihero sense of justice. Seeing no other option, Laserbeam shoots him with a Freeze Laser, but just before it hits, Fathom traps him in a Fish Net. They continue to argue morals to no avail, until Laserbeam manages to laser his way out of the net first and hauls a frozen Fathom off, leaving the villain and his henchman to evilly go read to children.
Mon, Apr 28, 2014
Captain Laserbeam is in the middle of presenting--and accepting--an award on behalf of the mysteriously absent billionaire playboy Joshua Valor when the Adventurekateer distress signal calls him back to the clubhouse. Adventurekateers Patrick and Omar are there, and immediately get into a passive aggressive fight for awhile before any relevant information is revealed. Investigateens Dash and Elliot soon reveal themselves to also be present, as they were in the midst of a board game with Omar. Phillip Fathom drops in as well, summoned by a beacon from Dash and Elliot. They soon reveal that Fathom's hideout and the Bermudan Triangle that hides it have been stolen. Fathom postulates that any one of his myriad nautical foes could have committed such a vile act of thievery. Captain Laserbeam offers to team-up or split up to cover more ground, but Fathom refuses on both counts, stating that it's his hideout, so it's his headache. Omar pipes up to illustrate the positive aspects of working together, and Patrick incidentally illustrates the cons. Fathom still refuses, revealing that whatever villain has access to his lair also has access to means of defeating Laserbeam (as well as every other hero). Laserbeam takes it super personally, as he thought he and Fathom were friends, but determines not to go if it means he will be indirectly defeated by his best friend. Fathom relents, and proposes a team-up. The kids throw out suggestions of other heroes who might help, then offer to come along, but are soundly refused. Fathom echo-locates his headquarters during that conversation and the two make their exit. Meanwhile, Shape Ape oversees the placement of his new acquisition, the Bermudan Triangle, in his Dome-o-sphere headquarters with his henchman Tyler. After it is settled to his liking, he orders the removal and disposal of the unsightly headquarters within. Tyler protests, pointing out the wonders of technology and information to be had. but Shape Ape dismisses him. Only primary shapes interest Shape Ape. Tyler humors him, and orders the rest of the henchpeople to hitch the hideout to his pickup. Laserbeam and Fathom then appear on the criminal scene. Fathom immediately incapacitates the secondary goons, then Tyler activates the deathtrap on the heroes before Shape Ape can get into a distracting monologue. Laserbeam and Fathom are trapped, and not even the memory of the Adventurekateers or Investigations can give Laserbeam the strength to mount an escape, but Fathom accomplishes one with explosives. Laserbeam freeze-lasers the villains. Shape-Ape gives another monologue and Laserbeam expresses confusion about how he managed such an impressive heist. Tyler casually claims credit, and Fathom and Laserbeam agree that he has a real gift for villainy, and perhaps would make a worthy adversary. Then Laserbeam re-lasers them and calls the cops.
Mon, Jun 9, 2014
Captain Laserbeam and Phillip Fathom are eating ice cream and discussing how Great Scott is a good guy but just can't stop telling his origin story. The Adventurekateer distress signal calls Captain Laserbeam to the Adventurekateer clubhouse where he finds Patrick, Emily, and her cousin Elisabeth; however, unlike the first time Elisabeth visited, she is Patrick's guest this time. Patrick reveals that the vile villain who needs to be vanquished is none other than his father, Wallace, who is out of jail and back to being a henchman - this time for King Cool. King Cool is planning to put a relaxative (secret ingredient ennui-ium) into Apex City's water supply. Wallace has stolen the chemicals needed for this plan and is waiting to be paid for his services. King Cool refuses to pay him, so Wallace threatens to steal a crown; this results in King Cool firing Wallace. Captain Laserbeam arrives and Wallace turns on the death trap, the discombobulator, then puts King Cool in the trap as well. Patrick appears (not just in spirit) and distracts Wallace long enough for Phillip Fathom to dismantle the death trap. When Phillip Fathom threatens Wallace, Patrick gets in the way and insists that there is good in his father. Patrick freeze-lasers King Cool and Captain Laserbeam calls the Apex City Police to let them know they can detain King Cool.
Mon, Aug 4, 2014
Philip Fathom is in his base of operations deep below the Apex harbor, Justice Cove, when he is contacted by Town Cryer; Fishwife was seen in flagrante with someone other than Fathom. Fathom can't decide if he wants Town Cryer to tell him who with and Town Cryer disconnects without telling. Fathom thinks Fishwife is back to her villainous ways. The Investigateen signal tells Philip Fathom there is trouble in the harbor. It turns out to be Shape Ape. Shape Ape says he's changed since a recent team-up (with someone Fathom knows). Fathom knows lots of people, but apparently refuses to guess Fishwife. Eventually Shape Ape says it's Fishwife. They got married, but then she left him. Fathom explains that's what The Fishwife does. Shape Ape doesn't like what the hero says and activates a machine to flatten the waves of the ocean. Also he captured some Investigateens in a contraption that's filling with water. The ape antagonizes Fathom some more until Town Cryer shows up to gloat to Fathom about stealing the Fishwife, but he's surprised to learn about Shape Ape and the Fishwife's recent team-up. At that moment The Fishwife also shows up. Investigateen Mayumi criticizes Fishwife's representation of women, who responds by relating her backstory and reveals that, due to an accident, her pheromones make her irresistible to the opposite sex. Fathom gives everyone earplugs and says to put them in their nostrils. No longer under the influence of The Fishwife's pheromones, Town Cryer decides to leave. Shape Ape gives up on flattening the ocean and releases the children. Fathom and Fishwife apologize to each other, but agree their adversarial relationship was better than their domestic one and decide to go back to that. The Fishwife flees before he is able to send her to the Incarce-atarium.