How do you mess up an Indiana Jones movie? After 3 perfect films and several great video games, that seemed like an impossible task. But Kingdom of the Crystal Skull managed to do just that.
It would take another 15 years before we finally got part 5 with a now 80 year old Harrison Ford (who barely looks 60) putting on the hat for one final adventure.
Unfortunately, this adventure not only repeats the mistakes of Crystal Skull, but goes completely off the rails. They made every bad decision they could have made.
One major mistake repeated from 4 is that they again go a sci fi route instead of with a religious theme. The original trilogy was all about different religions. Raiders dealt with a Jewish artifact and Jewish themes, Temple of Doom had some Hindu themes (even though it was a culturally insensitive fantasy romp), Last Crusade dealt with Christian themes. This made the audience accept the fantastastical elements more easily. The giant alien ship in part 4 was bad enough, but this film takes it one step further and falls into the laziest sci fi trope ever: time travel. Yes, it's as stupid as it sounds.
Beyond that, another way to screw up an Indiana Jones movie is to make him a side character in his own film, constantly upstaged by other characters. In Crystal Skull, it was Mutt who did the physical heroics (and awful cartoon physics), Marian constantly lecturing him, and towards the end of that film, Indiana Jones just seemed like he was along for the ride in an ensemble family drama vacation with a bunch of people nobody liked.
In Dial of destiny, it's even worse. With Phoebe Waller-Bridge, we get the stereotypical Disney brunette. Basically she plays the same character as the lead actress from the 5th Pirates of the Caribbean movie. The arrogant british girl who knows everything better than everyone else, is better at fighting than everyone else, and is just all around the bestest ever at everything. She constantly belittles Indiana Jones, corrects him, solves the riddles, wins the fights, and even insults him.
If you thought Harrison Ford looked lost in Indy 4, prepare to be angered.
And of course, since it's a Disney movie, and they probably have AI writing their plots, the main character has to start at a low point. So here, instead of enjoying retirement and maybe being kidnapped or threatened of kicked into action by the villain, he's a broken divorced shell of a man living in a dinky apartment in New York (very unlike Indiana Jones), Mutt dies off screen in Vietnam (instead of just saying "he's off living a happy family life somewhere).
Why does everything from Disney have to always be so dour and miserable? All of this misery clashes with a jokey Marvel-like infantile humor. Emotional scenes aren't allowed to play out without someone cracking a joke. There's one scene where a lot of people die tragically. They aknowledge it with one sentence, then go back to joking. It's a tonal mess, and really does feel like it was written by an AI.
Whoever writes Disney's scripts or programmed their AI must be severely depressed. Then again, I would be too, if I worked for a garbage company like that.
Here's how they should have done it: Indiana Jones has retired from teaching and is enjoying his autumn years. He is contacted unexpectedly by Short Round who needs his help. He says he's retired that he is retired, but Short Round insists the fate of the world is at stake and that an old enemy has resurfaced to find Atlantis (or excalibur or whatever other half interesting historical myth they want to do). "Atlantis you say? We looked for it for decades, it's a fairy tale" "If it's a fairy tale, how do you explain this?" He procudes an artifact. "Where did you get this?" "I stole it from" *gunshots interrupt him, bullets riddle the windows of the apartment. Heavy footsteps are heard approaching fast. Danger is afoot. We need to go now! First escape scene. Short Round risks his head to grab Indy's hat and whip. "I have a feeling you will be needing these." Harrison Ford does his reluctant hero look, and off they go on one final adventure to the mythical land of Atlantis, the bad guys hot on their tail.
No annoying Phoebe Waller-Bridge, no relegating Indy behind an ensemble cast, just two buddies on an adventure. They could reconnect and Short Round could show how he has grown into a man in his own right.
Add in a compellig mystery, a villain who wants more than just revenge, and that's all they needed to do to have a hit.
The failure of this film will be blamed on Harrison Ford being too old (he's not), or on sexist fans (they're not), or on 4 having killed the franchise (it didn't). They might even blame the director. I don't. His direction is fine. But the fault lies squarely with Disney / Lucasfilm.
George Lucas made the biggest mistake of his life selling his company to Disney. Now they ruined not only Star Wars, but Indiana Jones, too.
It would take another 15 years before we finally got part 5 with a now 80 year old Harrison Ford (who barely looks 60) putting on the hat for one final adventure.
Unfortunately, this adventure not only repeats the mistakes of Crystal Skull, but goes completely off the rails. They made every bad decision they could have made.
One major mistake repeated from 4 is that they again go a sci fi route instead of with a religious theme. The original trilogy was all about different religions. Raiders dealt with a Jewish artifact and Jewish themes, Temple of Doom had some Hindu themes (even though it was a culturally insensitive fantasy romp), Last Crusade dealt with Christian themes. This made the audience accept the fantastastical elements more easily. The giant alien ship in part 4 was bad enough, but this film takes it one step further and falls into the laziest sci fi trope ever: time travel. Yes, it's as stupid as it sounds.
Beyond that, another way to screw up an Indiana Jones movie is to make him a side character in his own film, constantly upstaged by other characters. In Crystal Skull, it was Mutt who did the physical heroics (and awful cartoon physics), Marian constantly lecturing him, and towards the end of that film, Indiana Jones just seemed like he was along for the ride in an ensemble family drama vacation with a bunch of people nobody liked.
In Dial of destiny, it's even worse. With Phoebe Waller-Bridge, we get the stereotypical Disney brunette. Basically she plays the same character as the lead actress from the 5th Pirates of the Caribbean movie. The arrogant british girl who knows everything better than everyone else, is better at fighting than everyone else, and is just all around the bestest ever at everything. She constantly belittles Indiana Jones, corrects him, solves the riddles, wins the fights, and even insults him.
If you thought Harrison Ford looked lost in Indy 4, prepare to be angered.
And of course, since it's a Disney movie, and they probably have AI writing their plots, the main character has to start at a low point. So here, instead of enjoying retirement and maybe being kidnapped or threatened of kicked into action by the villain, he's a broken divorced shell of a man living in a dinky apartment in New York (very unlike Indiana Jones), Mutt dies off screen in Vietnam (instead of just saying "he's off living a happy family life somewhere).
Why does everything from Disney have to always be so dour and miserable? All of this misery clashes with a jokey Marvel-like infantile humor. Emotional scenes aren't allowed to play out without someone cracking a joke. There's one scene where a lot of people die tragically. They aknowledge it with one sentence, then go back to joking. It's a tonal mess, and really does feel like it was written by an AI.
Whoever writes Disney's scripts or programmed their AI must be severely depressed. Then again, I would be too, if I worked for a garbage company like that.
Here's how they should have done it: Indiana Jones has retired from teaching and is enjoying his autumn years. He is contacted unexpectedly by Short Round who needs his help. He says he's retired that he is retired, but Short Round insists the fate of the world is at stake and that an old enemy has resurfaced to find Atlantis (or excalibur or whatever other half interesting historical myth they want to do). "Atlantis you say? We looked for it for decades, it's a fairy tale" "If it's a fairy tale, how do you explain this?" He procudes an artifact. "Where did you get this?" "I stole it from" *gunshots interrupt him, bullets riddle the windows of the apartment. Heavy footsteps are heard approaching fast. Danger is afoot. We need to go now! First escape scene. Short Round risks his head to grab Indy's hat and whip. "I have a feeling you will be needing these." Harrison Ford does his reluctant hero look, and off they go on one final adventure to the mythical land of Atlantis, the bad guys hot on their tail.
No annoying Phoebe Waller-Bridge, no relegating Indy behind an ensemble cast, just two buddies on an adventure. They could reconnect and Short Round could show how he has grown into a man in his own right.
Add in a compellig mystery, a villain who wants more than just revenge, and that's all they needed to do to have a hit.
The failure of this film will be blamed on Harrison Ford being too old (he's not), or on sexist fans (they're not), or on 4 having killed the franchise (it didn't). They might even blame the director. I don't. His direction is fine. But the fault lies squarely with Disney / Lucasfilm.
George Lucas made the biggest mistake of his life selling his company to Disney. Now they ruined not only Star Wars, but Indiana Jones, too.
