American Horror Story (TV Series)

Protect the Coven (2014)

Kathy Bates: Madame Delphine LaLaurie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Madame Delphine LaLaurie : You left your dirt in the commode. Why don't you flush it?

  Madison Montgomery : [laughs]  You flush my shit, bitch.

• Madame Delphine LaLaurie : Is she dead?

  Spalding : [shaking his head]  She cannot die.

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : What?

  Spalding : She's immortal.

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : But you said...

  Spalding : I just wanted her out of my hair. You were most likely to cooperate.

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : Well, turds on that. What am I supposed to do with her now?

  Spalding : I don't know. Bury her.

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : She'd just dig her way out!

  Spalding : Make sure she can't.

• Madame Delphine LaLaurie : Butler. I've done what you asked.

  Spalding : You got it?

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : Paid a king's ransom for it, too.

  Spalding : Oh. Whoa. An authentic 1895 Armand Marseille Dream Baby. You're sure this is the original gown?

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : There's a certificate of authenticity in there somewhere.

  Spalding : This was a very limited run, you know. Dieter Hoffbonner designed the gowns himself.

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : Grown man, taking pleasure in a doll baby. It's unsavory. All right, I did my part. Now before somebody notices that half the silver's gone missing, you give me what you promised me.

  Spalding : Yes. The potion that will render the voodoo queen mortal and allow you to end her life.

  [pulls out a basket containing a box of Benadryl] 

  Spalding : A few capsules dissolved in her drink.

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : Ben...

  Spalding : Shhh! No. Never speak it aloud.

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : It's that powerful?

  Spalding : You have no idea.

• Marie Laveau : Damn, Delphine. You know, girl, you may be rotten to the core, but you do make a sweet French 75.

  [laughs] 

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : Thank you, ma'am.

  Marie Laveau : Leave it! And get out. Only thing that could ruin this moment is to have to look at your fugly face.

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : I'll leave when I'm finished.

  Marie Laveau : [laughs]  Oh, You will obey me, servant.

  [slaps Delphine's ass] 

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : I told you. I'm not finished. But you are.

  [stabs Marie in the chest] 

  Marie Laveau : [screams, grunts]  Stupid cow!

  [slowly pulls knife out] 

  Marie Laveau : Thinking you could... kill me!

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : Yeah, the m-magic takes time to work. Your fate is sealed!

  Marie Laveau : Oh, you stupid rube! That ain't magic. It's a antihistamine! And the only thing I'm allergic to is you! Damn you!

• Madame Delphine LaLaurie : I think I'm gonna like it here.

• Madame Delphine LaLaurie : Boy, don't set those down. They go upstairs. *Not* the yellow one. Brown. Brown like your skin.

• Madame Delphine LaLaurie : I fear my restless mind will become feeble.

  Borquita LaLaurie : You have us, your daughters.

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : You have just made my point abundantly clear. I need inspiration.

  Borquita LaLaurie : I'm sure you'll find your métier, Mother. I hear crochet is popular in New Orleans.

• Madame Delphine LaLaurie : You can talk. I thought you were tongueless.

  Spalding : I was when I was alive.

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : Are you saying you're dead?

  Spalding : Murdered. Right here in this room.

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : That's true, isn't it? I spent enough time in the grave to know a spirit when I encounter one.

• Madame Delphine LaLaurie : History will tell you - Not that anyone today gives a royal you-know-what - that I was born to prominent members of New Orleans society. Although my mother's maiden name was Lovable... she did not pass that quality along to me, her daughter. I suppose I was an unhappy child. Not very nice, either. I kept to myself, communing with rodents and small animals. Cutting parts off to see how they'd fare, or if they'd die. No one thought I'd amount to much, but I surprised them all. I married well. My lavish soirées became a coveted invitation. How the mighty have fallen does not begin to describe my torment. When I'm not cleaning their filthy commodes or putting food in front of their greedy faces, washing their sex-stained sheets, cleaning up their general filth, I pass desperately long and lonely days and nights, fretting over the deterioration of my troubled mistress' body and soul. Watching her leave the house each evening without her undergarment, not to return 'til the wee hours. And then I realized what was missing in my life. Lately I've been asking myself just what is it that fed my soul back then. Because being a hostess was never enough for my restless mind, and I realized it was my childlike curiosity about how my niggers ticked. Much like when I was a child and I used to carve up a possum or a stray cat. I just... developed a scientific fascination for their... their body parts... and their organs... and their cries of agony. They made a strange... almost comforting sound. Almost like... a musical background. And their thick African blood just... satisfied a desire that was deep inside me. And then you appeared. Like an old friend from the past.

• Madame Delphine LaLaurie : I'll get to the fingers later. But let's start with your toes. This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy right here had roast beef. And this little piggy had none. And this little piggy cried whee...! Oh, yeah!

• Spalding : The black devil who is responsible for your unending torment is sheltered right under this very roof, treated like an honored guest.

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : Don't I know it. They got me waiting on her hand and foot.

  Spalding : It's wrong!

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : It's more than wrong. It's a violation of the natural order.

• Spalding : I care about this coven. About preserving the ancient line of Salem. Everything is at risk because Fiona has become confused, reckless. She's forgotten that Marie Laveau has been and always will be her sworn enemy. Marie Laveau must die.

  Madame Delphine LaLaurie : She can't die. The bitch is immortal.

  Spalding : By magic. And by magic, she can be undone.